Missing him every day!!
My husband David passed away on May 3rd, 2013. It all started in October when he was admitted to the hospital for ascites. At that time they gave him a diagnosis of cirrhosis of the liver. He did okay for awhile, but then they told us that because of the Hep C and cirrhosis he would need a liver transplant. He went for a two day evaluation process with the transplant team in the middle of February. We seemed to have some hope for his recovery - his nephew even offered to be tested to see if he'd be able to donate part of his liver!! His follow-up appt was on March 5th to get the results, but they called and rescheduled it to Feb 27th. We went in and that's when the doctor informed him that during the MRI they found 2 tumors on his liver and that he wouldn't be a candidate for a transplant!
Wow - from so much hope to this.... The doctor said that he would refer him to the oncologist. We were seen the next day and were informed that there was no treatment due to the size of the tumors and his other issues with his liver. What devastation.. They gave him 3 to 6 months to live.
We were always going on short trips, but during this time, we did more things that he liked to do - weekends away, hockey games. Anything that he wanted. Granted this man had been alcohol free for 6 1/2 years and those years were the best that we had in the 27 years we had been together. We even went to the beach to look for another cottage for vacation in the summer (the one we normally went to had been sold) We just kept trying to be upbeat.
David started getting more tired.. He was in the hospital twice - the 2nd time for a week the 3rd week of April, when they sent him home on a pain pump and hospice started coming to the house. We got him a hospital bed and w/c (I was able to bring him on a walk around the block) His sister in California made plans to come out. I took family medical leave from work to care for him. He continued to get weaker and started not eating. His sister came on May 1st and he was able to visit with her. On May 3rd while all his family was there and I held him in my arms, I told him that it was okay to go. 10 minutes later he was gone..... He only lived for 2 months. What happened to the 3 to 6 months??? There wasn't enough time..... It's been unbearable.... Some days I make it through okay, some are so exhausting. When do the tears end? I have read all about grief and read other people's stories, so I know that things will get better (my head knows that sometimes, but my heart never) On July 3rd it will be 2 months and I don't feel any different than I did 2 months ago. The pain is still so raw and physically draining. I am back to work, but there are days that I can't function and my mind is out in left field. I spent Saturday morning driving around aimlessly because I didn't know what to do. I'm sure other people have had these same experiences as me. How did you get through it? I put on an act when I'm around people especially his family because I don't want them to worry or to make them feel worse than they do, but that's exhausting too.
Anyways, enough venting........