I lost my dad on Christmas day of 2010. Ever since then I feel like I have two separate lives.... One was when my dad was alive and the other is now without him. Nothing has ever been so painful and two years later it still is. I remember when he first told me that he had this "disease" MDS. I did not know what it was until I over heard his doctor talking about the rate of mortality. One year. Thats all I had left and nothing is worse than seeing the person you love more than anything just fall apart. I slowly saw my dad wither away. The person who had once been so strong was so weak with sickness. One night when we were at home my mom told my dad to get in bed and he said " I only have a little time left and I dont want to spend the rest of it in bed." That was the first time that he had acknowledged in front of me that he was dying. I started sobbing and he took me in his arms and told me he would always be there for me no matter what. He kept saying I just want it to be Christmas, that was his favorite holiday. When he died he took a part of me that can never be replaced. I still think about him everyday and even though I dont cry everyday anymore I COULD cry everyday if I let myself think about it. Missing him and missing the old family I used to have is so difficult and painful. All I want is to be truly happy again...I have to redefine what happiness is because it is not the same as it was when I had him.
Love you dad forever,
Ur Ms. P