Missing Katie

by Anne Marie Dion
(Warwick, RI)

My 38 year old beautiful daughter died on 9/4/13 from a prescription overdose. She left a 14 year old daughter, a sister and brother-in-law, two nieces and us, her parents. She had gotten married last June to a man we really did not know and were not that comfortable with but she was "in love". When he tried to strangle her this past August she moved back home and spent a wonderful two weeks with us, talking to us, reconnecting with her old friends, and just being our old Katie. Domestic strangulation is a felony in our state and her husband was remanded to the local correctional facility for a month. I need to add that Katie was bipolar and on many psychotropic meds. We were horrified to see her when she first moved back as she had lost so much weight from dealing with her husband; she was down to 80 pounds. Our goal was to feed her and help her through this ordeal. We even had a spa day together when she and I had our hair and nails done and I treasure that day forever. On 9/4/13 we came home to find her dead in our family room where she was living. It was a horror show as I just kept trying to wake her up as my husband called 911. EMS, Fire, police and the ME finally. We still do not have the ME report so we still do not have the final report as to what she died from but I have my suspicions . She did not do this on purpose as she would never have left the love of her life, her daughter and she certainly would not have bought a pack of cigarettes, Gatorade and stated her laundry.

I feel so lost and the holidays are coming. I have meltdowns in the strangest places, a grocery store when I see something she liked and I really do not like idle chatter when I'm standing in line somewhere listening to someone whine about nothing important. I can hear a sing and just cry. I have been to the doctor and am also in grief counseling. They tell me i'm doing great as my meltdowns are fewer and less intense but some days I feel like I am just going crazy and why, why, why? I know there is no answer to that. How do you get through this?


Comments for Missing Katie

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Dec 17, 2013
Missing Katie
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

I am so sorry to hear Thanksgiving was not pleasant. The Firsts, they say are always the worst. Yet, I think any holiday will never be the same for any of us who have lost a precious loved one. I know mine are not the same.
At Thanksgiving saying our family prayer before eatig, I was going to mention my husband not being with us again and I started to get this lump in my throat and I did not want to cry, so I just thanked God for all my gifts. This was my third Thanksgiving and my heart still aches for my husband.
Now my third Christmas is soon approaching and I will be putting on this happy face for my children and grandchildren, yet my heart is breaking because again my husband will not be by my side.
This journey of grief can still be over-whelming. I keep telling myself to put my big girl pants on and keep trudging along. I know I will survive, but my life will never be the same. None of our lives will ever be the same. How can they be.
Just always try and remember, Katie's body is gone, but her spirit will always be with you.
Love and blessings to you and everyone else on this site.

Dec 15, 2013
Missing Katie
by: Anne Marie Diom

Thanksgiving was terrible. I went to my sister-in laws yet I still felt so alone. Christmas is looming and I dread that day without Kate. I am only doing Christmas for my grand daughters, including Kate's daughter. I feel like I am just going through the motions and maybe I am. When will this pain ever end and how do you get through this?

Nov 23, 2013
Missing Katie
by: Doreen UK

Ann I am sorry for your loss of your beloved daughter Katie. It is so sad that she leaves a 14yrs. old daughter. Thank God she has you and your husband for comfort to help her through this loss of her mom, at the worst time of a girls life when she needs her mom more now in the most difficult years of a teenager's life.
As a mom you will feel as if you are going crazy. You lost an Adult child and this is the worst thing that can happen to a mom.
I am glad you are in grief counselling as this in time will help you cope better with grief. Crying our heart out is where our healing comes from so don't hold back from crying even if it be in a food market, bank, bus, train, or just walking in the street. I cried everywhere. It hurt so much I didn't know how I could go on when I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 18 months ago.
I am sorry your daughter's husband did not treat her well which added to her sorrow.
My Son is 44yrs. and married 2yrs. His wife does not treat him well and He loves her so much still even though she is not treating him well. there is nothing I can do as he walked away after his dad died. I made a promise to myself that I would never interfere with my children's choice of life partner. But my son is in an unhealthy marriage and suffering greatly and all I can do is feel sad from a distance and not interfere even when he has just had a tumour removed from his bowel due to stress. He has made a choice and I have to respect this. Often we can do nothing to rescue our children. They have to learn from their own mistakes and choices. But it is painful for a parent to observe and not be able to do anything. I hope that your grief counselling works well and that you are able to move forward better with this support. May God comfort you and your family and give you His Peace

Nov 21, 2013
Missing Katie
by: Anne Marie Dion

I'm just looking for strategies to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas without Katie and be mindful of my other daughter and my three grand daughters. I will love and miss Katie forever but I want to look at pictures of her, of her and her daughter and smile. I want to get over this overwhelming sadness every waking hour and not cry when I hear a song, see a picture, see something she liked and not have a meltdown. I have read many posts here and feel my heart breaking for all of you that have lost a child and any other loved one. So many of us have had such tragic losses and we need to share them so we can feel so not alone. I don't like being in this club but I guess it's the hand I was dealt with. Thanks in advance for any suggestions and God bless.

Nov 21, 2013
like you
by: Anonymous Joe's mom

I also have the meltdowns and "WHYs". My son passed 7/8/13 and I would love another day...but not to be and I keep thinking like your Katie, he didn't mean to die. I listen to my headphones at work, country music and MOST songs make me think of Joe, though I can tell it is getting better. I cry most days on the way HOME from work, which is easier than when I cried both ways. Some days, I cry at my desk, but I have asked those close by not to come and try to comfort me, there is no comfort and sometimes, I just need to let it out. If they are uncomfortable, I will go for a walk, just tell me, but so far, no one has approached. I notice I get through more days than not, usually just one day a week with tears at work. But my nights are long, and waking and thinking are emotionally draining while I wait to sleep again. I used to love to cook, but now things go to waste, I just do not want to do much. It was over 3 months before I could read and comprehend more than a paragraph in anything. I had read 3 books a week for pleasure before my son died, but it was no use for some time. I know I am getting better, I have finished 2 small books in 2 months now. I found a great grief counselor but...funny, I talked of everything but my son with her...I need to go back now, but I have not made that appointment. Now, I work on positive ideas to get through the days, hope for sleep, which is the only relief from the constant pain, and force myself out of bed, where I would stay if it helped. I have found that my memories of good times help me most, while sometimes, it also is like pulling off a scab...I am lonely in a crowd, find I am not comfortable speaking, and still don't want to be fully alone. There are a few brave enough to encourage me to talk to them, but I know they do not realize what a zombie I feel like. Grief counselor was really helpful and sometimes, those who have also lost a child are like a friend I never knew I had now. Best wishes to you.

Nov 20, 2013
Missing Katie
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to hear about your loss too Pat. I wish it could have been me instead of her. So much potential lost. I now have insomnia and wake up during the middle of the night with my heart pounding and then realize it's real. I have one friend who tells me, Let go, let God and that's what I chant during my lowest hours as I sob and mourn my daughter. My energy levels are low and I have to go back to work in 2 weeks. I do not know how I will do this as it is a high powered job at a hospital with many meetings. I feel like such a failure and disappointment that I could not "get well" fast enough for them but I have finally realized that we all grieve in our own time and at different paces. I will be a mess until I'm not a mess and that is all that there is to it. I will love and miss Katie all of my life but I am waiting for the day when I can look at her picture and smile and not cry.

Nov 20, 2013
Mising Katie
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI


I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. losing a child has to be the worst. My dear mother-in-law lost three of her children. She lost her husband in 1972 and in 200i she lost her first daughter, in 2005 she lost a son and in 2011, she lost another son, my husband. After Karens death she always told us losing her husband was bad, but losing a child is worse.
With the help of our loving God we do go on. Some days I look back, yet it seems like yesterday, and wonder how I have made it.
My husband died on June 27, 2011, sittng on the side of the bed. He had a massive heart attack. I was talking to him; then he was gone.
When you mentioned crying at unexpected times, brought back memories of myself; crying in the grocery store or any store. For months I always cried at a certain time during mass on Sunday morning. I'd go to church fine, and always end up crying walking out of church. Hearing songs on the radio also brought tears. Songs seemed to be reminders of my husband; still are.
I still have this ache in my heart for him. This is going to be my third Thanksgiving and Christmas withot him. I have 5 adult children and 8 grandchildren. i live for them; they are my life. I have found new friends, mostly widows like myself. I will always miss my husband and our life together. This is my new life. I did not choose this life, but this is the life God has given me. Why some of us have to go through this sooner than others I will never understand. I have come to realize, we are on this earth for a journey and when it is done, our loving God takes us home. My faith has helped me in this journey of grief.
Does it get easier or better; for me I say not really, we always think about them and miss them. We never get over the loss; we slowly learn how to go on without them; always cherishing them and keeping them tucked in our heart.
You have a lovely young grandaughter that will need the love and support of her grandparents. Talk about her mom with her. We need to keep the memory of our loved ones alive. In the beginning talking about them brings tears, but tears are healing and a time will come when you can talk about her and not cry.
God Bless you and he will walk beside you, sometimes carrying you during this time. The Firsts rte always the most difficult. You will survive, even though right now it feels like you won't. Believe me Annie you will.

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