My wife Lisa pasted away on 12-31-12 after feeling the effects of the flu. Early on the morning on 12-31 she woke me and said she really feels bad. She said her chest and back hurt when she coughed. Our whole family had the flu during Christmas break. I was still run down from the flu myself and a little out of it. I called her doctors office at eight am and got no answer. I told Lisa I was going to take her to the er, her answer was o.k. I got her dressed, and helped her to the car. We live approx twenty miles to the hospital and about three miles into the ride she slumped over and was not breathing. When I finally got her to the er they could not bring her back. They tried cpr and defibrillator for approx 30 minutes and pronounced her gone.
The last words she said to me was ok when I told her I was taking her to the er. I never imagined anything this serious was going on. She appeared to be in good health thirty eight years old five feet seven, one hundred twenty five pound. She was a non smoker and did not drink. The doctor at the er said her lungs were full of blood. Still do not have autopsy results after twelve weeks.
Lisa was the love of my life. We met on a blind date when I was thirty and she was twenty six. I had been divorced for approx eight years. I have a son from my first marriage that I had full custody of at time me. Lisa had no kids and was never married. We were together for Five years until we got married, and were married almost eight years. We have a son that is seven. Lisa was a stay at home mom until my son went to school. After he went to school she took a part time job. Lisa was the primary child care provider due to I worked approx 55 hours a week.
I am completely lost Without her. I am trying to be both a dad and mom. I am struggling to find day care so I can work. My son loved his mother, they were very close. He will not talk about his mother. When asked about it he says he does not want to cry anymore.
I am normally a very strong person. I have lost both of my parents already and this is much worse. There is not a day that goes by that I don't cry like a baby. I am angry at god for taking my loving wife. I would like to end all of my pain by suicide. But I know what that would do to my kids.Will the pain ever get better or go away?