Missing Lisa

My wife Lisa pasted away on 12-31-12 after feeling the effects of the flu. Early on the morning on 12-31 she woke me and said she really feels bad. She said her chest and back hurt when she coughed. Our whole family had the flu during Christmas break. I was still run down from the flu myself and a little out of it. I called her doctors office at eight am and got no answer. I told Lisa I was going to take her to the er, her answer was o.k. I got her dressed, and helped her to the car. We live approx twenty miles to the hospital and about three miles into the ride she slumped over and was not breathing. When I finally got her to the er they could not bring her back. They tried cpr and defibrillator for approx 30 minutes and pronounced her gone.
The last words she said to me was ok when I told her I was taking her to the er. I never imagined anything this serious was going on. She appeared to be in good health thirty eight years old five feet seven, one hundred twenty five pound. She was a non smoker and did not drink. The doctor at the er said her lungs were full of blood. Still do not have autopsy results after twelve weeks.
Lisa was the love of my life. We met on a blind date when I was thirty and she was twenty six. I had been divorced for approx eight years. I have a son from my first marriage that I had full custody of at time me. Lisa had no kids and was never married. We were together for Five years until we got married, and were married almost eight years. We have a son that is seven. Lisa was a stay at home mom until my son went to school. After he went to school she took a part time job. Lisa was the primary child care provider due to I worked approx 55 hours a week.
I am completely lost Without her. I am trying to be both a dad and mom. I am struggling to find day care so I can work. My son loved his mother, they were very close. He will not talk about his mother. When asked about it he says he does not want to cry anymore.
I am normally a very strong person. I have lost both of my parents already and this is much worse. There is not a day that goes by that I don't cry like a baby. I am angry at god for taking my loving wife. I would like to end all of my pain by suicide. But I know what that would do to my kids.Will the pain ever get better or go away?

Comments for Missing Lisa

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May 08, 2013
missing lisa
by: silver

I know how you feel.My husband & I were married 33 yrs.My husband & I went out for our anniversary dinner one night and a week later he was gone. He had emphysema and got pneumonia.I worked second shift and usually didn't get up before 9am or so.I woke up to him leaning over the bathroom sink saying he couldn't breathe.I gave him 3 breathing treatments and when that didn't work took him to the ER. His oxygen level was 68%(supposed to be 90% or better).They tried several things but couldn't get it up high enough,so they intubated him and put him in the ICU. His last words to me were "I don't know" when I asked him why he was fighting putting the oxygen mask on. The main thing that helps me is that I told him I loved him often-even while he was unconscious in ICU.You have a son to take care of and that will help.My children were grown and sometimes I feel so alone.I go on because I know he would want me to but sometimes it is so hard. It has been 2 yrs this month and I still cry sometimes.We each grieve in our own way.If you can,you might think of getting your son some mental health therapy,even if it is just with the school counselor.He needs to grieve just like you.It's hard and there will be bad days.I talk about my love often and have many reminders around the house:his pictures,cards I gave him & those he gave me,his coffee cup collection,movies he liked,etc.I plan on going to our favorite rest.for our anniversary this yr.Don't quit.Look at the poetry on this site.Some of it is so beautiful and will show you that we feel like you do.That's also one of the ways I cope is poetry.I hope you find a way to express yourself also.I believe that one day I will be re-uninted with the love of my life.I have to believe this or it would be much harder to go on.My children have ORDERED me to live another 20 yrs.(I'm 63)LOL I wonder sometimes if I can live w/out my soulmate.We'll see. May GOD send you love and peace and help you through this. I send you my love and support.

Apr 23, 2013
So sorry for your loss, hope this helps
by: Anonymous

Lost my wife of 20 yrs suddenly (similar to yours) just over a year ago. Left me with 3 teenage sons. I was CRUSHED. Wasn't going to hurt myself, but didn't care if I lived another day. Cried every day and still can't stop thinking about her (which is how I found your post). One day I was explaining to my boys why they shouldn't get tattoos: I told them that who they are right this minute is unique and that the person in their body 5,10,20,40 years from now will be a completely different person. Different emotions, values, memories, personality, etc. A completely different person. Suddenly I realized that applied to me as well and that its OK to grieve as much as I wanted to. Someday the person who owns this body will move on, but it won't be me. And, it doesn't have to be. Time will take of everything.

Apr 10, 2013
by: linda uk

I am so sorry for you and your'e boys loss,I lost my young sister in similar circumstances,It is ok to cry every day the hurt will never leave you, you will start to live with it but, it is very early days. I too am angry with God but, I know that he cannot protect every living soul from hurt and pain. I hope that one day for you and for me we will be strong enough to deal with life's cruel twists, be there for the boys and remember you are not alone love to you all x

Apr 05, 2013
I am so sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

My friend,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is completely overwhelming I know. To lose someone still so young, and so quickly, is hard to comprehend. I hope you are able to find some sort of support for yourself. I know you may be angry at God, but He is a great source of comfort. Perhaps you can find support through a church. People want to help. Sometimes they just don't know how. I will pray for you and your circumstances and for your wonderful children. Don't give up. You need help. Are there any neighbors or friends who can help out for a bit? I know you are not alone. Again, I am so sorry for your great loss.

Apr 05, 2013
Missing Lisa
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your very young wife Lisa. Yes! Life is so very unfair to rob a man of his wife and a son of his mother. But such is life. We are born. And we Die. We are meant to enjoy life and not think of the day we will die. It then creeps up and hits us when we least expect this.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 11 months ago to a deadly cancer which took 40yrs. to develop inside of him. A young man of 20yrs. enjoying his work as a carpenter. He cut Asbestos on a band saw and 40yrs. later died of Lung cancer called MESOTHELIOMA. Which takes between 40-60yrs. to develop. A slow growing cancer. He was working hard for his family. Nature paid him back just before he could enjoy his retirement. My heart will be broken forever. We never got to enjoy life because he worked 6 and sometimes 7 days a week all over our country of U.K. and around the world for 47yrs. I was angry with God for a long time. But I also know that God gave us life and He takes it away.
I still feel Blessed to have married this SUPER MAN. I feel Blessed that all my 3 children were grown into adults so I didn't have this burden of childcare. But I will be lonely FOREVER. I won't ever marry again because My song to my beloved husband was. "My World BEGINS and ENDS WITH YOU." a song by the great Sonny James.
SUICIDE is how most of us feel when we lose our life partner. We feel we can't go on in life anymore. These are unbearable feelings and moments to go through. But they won't last. They will go in time. As each day unfolds you will move that little closer to Healing from Grief. If you struggle you may benefit from a few sessions with a grief counsellor. Just take one day at a time. Don't look at the big picture otherwise it would swallow you up and make you feel like you have this mountain to climb and you don't have the strength to climb this. Do one positive thing for yourself each day. Then build on this till you start to feel better.

But as each day goes by the feelings and memories get stronger and I feel upset and broken most days. My grief is being felt more now. I went to the graveside yesterday and viewed his memorial stone. I am pleased with this. A guitar on one side and his picture on the other side and his memorial. Then a desktop with 8 lines of verse about his bravery through cancer and how God took him home.
You will recover in time. You will get your life back. You will in time find Love again in your life because you are still a young man. It is not wrong to find happiness in life again. Just don't feel guilty. You can and will still honour the memory of your wife and never forget her. I hope life will get better for you in the days ahead and you find Peace and Comfort in your sorrow.

Apr 05, 2013
It Will Get Better But It Won't Go Away
by: Anonymous

I am 11 months in . . . 3 small kids. To say it sucks is an understatement. The overwhelming sadness is still here but at least I can mostly function now. I cry myself to sleep a lot. It still hits me sometimes in the car, too. The only one getting me through is Him. I have surrendered it all to Him because I can't deal with it on my own. I go to church regularly, pray, . . . scream. I am making it His problem since he decided to make it my problem. Fair is fair! I just don't look ahead anymore because that picture is sad. I only take it day by day because, as we know all too well, there may be no tomorrow anyway. So, will it go away? I say, I don't think so. But will it get better? With time, you will get better at compartmentalizing it so that you can function. Hang in there!

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