My mother passed away June 22, 2012 due to complications from a stroke she suffered on May 11, 2012 and a heart attack that followed on May 21. She was hospitalized 3 hours away from my home for just over six weeks and I stayed by her side the entire time. The stroke left her immobile on the left side of her body but thankfully she still had her memory and her ability to speak. The heart attack proved to be too much for her body and it began to slowly shut down. The doctors advised us to admit her into inpatient hospice so she could be more comfortable, so with her best interest at heart we did so. For four weeks, I watched her slowly slipping from this world, feeling my heart break more and more as her condition worsened. Even after she couldn't speak anymore, I stayed by her side day and night because I knew that had the roles be reversed she would have done the same for me. I couldn't bear to leave her by herself even though I came to realize the toll it was taking on myself, grieving for her before she had even passed. But I am thankful for this time with her. We got to talk about things we wouldn't have, otherwise, and we had the chance to let each other know just how much we loved each other, and I thought I was prepared for when she would be gone. I was wrong. Nothing in my life had ever even come close to preparing me for the morning of June 22, when, on one of my rare mornings at home,away from mom, I received the call that has forever changed my life. She had passed peacefully just 12 hours after I left her. I still feel guilt for not being there and I'm sure I will for the rest of my life. I'm trying to be strong for my dad, sister, and brother, but there are some days I'm not sure I can survive the sadness. I never knew real grief until I lost my precious mother. Knowing I will never talk to her again, or hug her again is excruciating and sometimes feels more like more than I can bear. I feel anger toward certain family members for things said or done during the last three months. I even find myself mad because everyone has resumed their normal lives as if nothing has been lost. I try to remind myself that the whole world cannot come to a halt because I'm grieving. I'm not sure if it's the fact that they seem to have moved on or if it's because I feel so overwhelmed. Even though I have my dear husband who has been wonderfully supportive and understanding throughout the entire three months, I still feel alone and lonely. I miss her so completely. Hearing certain songs is like being punched in the stomach. I'm just not sure where to go from here. I feel that I need to discuss mom and everything that happened but I also feel that I shouldn't burden anyone with all of this. This has been the most painful time of my life as well as the most confusing. I'm just not sure where to go from here.