Missing my baby

by Anon
(England)

In August last year i found out that i was pregnant with my third child, i was overwhelmed with emotion, i was so happy that we were going to be able to have our third child. I so desperately wanted a baby girl to complete our family, but it wasn't to be. I visited the doctor and the midwife, i had been very ill during my first pregnancy, and spent a spell in hospital undergoing many tests. The doctors think i may have had a stroke, but scraped through my second without further complications.

I thought it would be fine, but when i visited the doctor and we went through my health notes, he felt that a third pregnancy would be too much for my body to cope with, that if the baby and i were to make it through the pregnancy that i would be seriously damaged by it, this may have resulted in permanent disability. He advised that we didn't go on with the pregnancy, that i have an abortion for my own health.

My husband and i deliberated for a long time, i had already developed a bond with this baby, i wanted so much to keep it and complete my family, but we decided that for the good of our family, for our sons sake we could not take the risk and carry on with this pregnancy.

On the 11th of August 2009 we let our baby go, i will never know but i feel in my heart that she was my baby girl. I long so much to meet her, to hold her, but even though i can't do these things i love her with all my heart, i miss her everyday and wish so much that she could be here by my side, completing my family. I will love you always baby girl.