Missing My Brother More Then Life

by Trav Zaydel
(Mays Landing NJ)

On March 3, 2013, my brother died in a car crash at 2am. What sucks is he was 19. I last heard his voice at 1am that morning when he stopped by my apartment. Getting the feeling something was wrong when he wasnt answering my texts, but thinking hey maybe hes just having alot of fun with his friends. well 4am comes and he still isnt home which is unusual because hes always home by that time. hearing a pounding on my front door, thought it was him thinking he forgot the key. seeing 3 policeman at the door, my heart just dropped. hearing those simple words that my brother was in an accident just brought me to my knees, asking them if he was still alive, i can tell they couldnt give me the answer. all they said was that they didnt know. finally getting ahold of the hospital, my brother was pronouced dead at the scene. he was ejected from the car that was speeding and flipped multiple times. even though he was wearing a seatbelt, he was still thrown from the car and died on impact. my brother was such an amazing kid. for him only being 19, he was well known in our area. he had a smile that could make anyone laugh on any of the saddest days. he had a heart of gold. loved to party. me and my brother fought alot, but always seem to get past it. as i look into his bed every night, i wonder if he can forgive me for all the fights we had. i wish i could just tell him how much i did love him as my brother, i looked up to him so much. for me being 21 he showed me how to live my life. we both loved getting tattoos together. we partied together, literally was there for one another in any situation. but now that hes gone, i cant seem to get a grasp on life. im always angry at the world, i cant seem to leave my room without getting mad at someone. i feel like nothing seems real anymore. i seriously dont know how to grieve over my brother. i feel like i will never get over the fact that he is gone, and i just cant seem to wanna leave anything. i miss him more then life, more then anything. i wish he never left, god took the best part of my family, my life. but there was a reason and i have to seem to accept that fact but i just cant. i seriously dont know what to do anymore.

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Jul 11, 2013
Same boat
by: Rick

I just lost my brother on June 12th, 2013. I am 31, he was 28. We both have sons, mine almost four, his almost two. He died on his motorcycle on his way to work. We haven't gotten any official report but pretty sure he died very quickly if not instantly on impact due to a neck injury. This is the worst pain I've ever encountered. We were super tight and could just look at each other a certain way and be thinking the same thing. My only brother. Because of jobs, family responsibilities, and other factors, within the past ten years, I haven't gotten to see him nearly enough. And now, I never get to see him again and I don't know how to process that. Everything seems like it sucks and I'm finding very little joy in anything if at all. I wish I had some words of encouragement for you man but I don't. All I can say is that you are not alone in your grief because I know exactly how you feel.

Apr 03, 2013
My brother was 19 too
by: Anonymous

your not alone in the feeling of being alone. it sucks any nothing seems to change that

Mar 16, 2013
Your brother
by: Kate

I'm so so sorry. I can tell you really loved your brother. My son died 4 months ago and his sisters and one brother miss him so
Deeply they don't know how to accept it. We understand. It is so hard. I felt anger too,this shouldn't be! It is part of the grief. A mixture of emotions will come. We feel lost like it can't be real. Day by day we try to go on and it's hard. You will make it one day at a time. Anything you feel is normal in grief ..... grief is crazy. On here we know and care because we are all hurting. Be easy with yourself. Remember the love it will stay forever.

Mar 16, 2013
Missing My Brother More Than Life
by: Doreen U.K

Trav I am sorry for your loss of your baby brother to a sudden death. You will take a long long time to get over this death. It is like no other pain you will ever have in life to lose someone so close to you. Brother's have a bond that can overcome anything life throws at them. So you fight and then make up. All part of life on planet earth with all its problems.
We take each other for granted that they will always be there until tragedy strikes suddenly then our world falls apart. It is so very difficult to get past this stage for many and so you could greatly benefit from seeing a grief counsellor. Especially as you cannot contain your anger and this is misplaced just now. Anger is a great part of grief.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 10 months ago and so I face a loss it is hard to get over. I thought we would have retirement and fun and all the things my husband earned from life. There are no guarantees for any of us. The important thing is to focus on those you have left in your life and give them the time and space living one day at a time and living it to the full as if it was your last day on earth. That way you will be prepared for time and what it unfolds. Life is so very unfair to claim the lives of those young people who have a lot of living to do. The world is getting more fragile and claiming lives younger each day. Best you can do is get into grief counselling and let someone help you to put you back together again so you can carry on with life with less pain of grief.

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