Missing My Brother More Then Life
by Trav Zaydel
(Mays Landing NJ)
On March 3, 2013, my brother died in a car crash at 2am. What sucks is he was 19. I last heard his voice at 1am that morning when he stopped by my apartment. Getting the feeling something was wrong when he wasnt answering my texts, but thinking hey maybe hes just having alot of fun with his friends. well 4am comes and he still isnt home which is unusual because hes always home by that time. hearing a pounding on my front door, thought it was him thinking he forgot the key. seeing 3 policeman at the door, my heart just dropped. hearing those simple words that my brother was in an accident just brought me to my knees, asking them if he was still alive, i can tell they couldnt give me the answer. all they said was that they didnt know. finally getting ahold of the hospital, my brother was pronouced dead at the scene. he was ejected from the car that was speeding and flipped multiple times. even though he was wearing a seatbelt, he was still thrown from the car and died on impact. my brother was such an amazing kid. for him only being 19, he was well known in our area. he had a smile that could make anyone laugh on any of the saddest days. he had a heart of gold. loved to party. me and my brother fought alot, but always seem to get past it. as i look into his bed every night, i wonder if he can forgive me for all the fights we had. i wish i could just tell him how much i did love him as my brother, i looked up to him so much. for me being 21 he showed me how to live my life. we both loved getting tattoos together. we partied together, literally was there for one another in any situation. but now that hes gone, i cant seem to get a grasp on life. im always angry at the world, i cant seem to leave my room without getting mad at someone. i feel like nothing seems real anymore. i seriously dont know how to grieve over my brother. i feel like i will never get over the fact that he is gone, and i just cant seem to wanna leave anything. i miss him more then life, more then anything. i wish he never left, god took the best part of my family, my life. but there was a reason and i have to seem to accept that fact but i just cant. i seriously dont know what to do anymore.