Missing my Identical twin, The pain is unbearable.. I long to be released from it

by Cindy
(South Carolina)

I lost my best half of 51 years on August 26, 2011. Though I have managed to somehow survive past the second thanksgiving without her .. I find that I'm back at the beginning like it just happened yesterday. she felt faint in the store and when she went to urgent care she was diagnosed with stage 4 unknown primary cancer. I travel and was trying to make my way to her. Fortunately I was holding her hand when she left this world. I don't know why I didn't argue with everyone about giving her chemo.. I knew she couldn't survive it. I will have to live with that the rest of my miserable life. We lived in different parts of the country but one look and we knew everything.. I can't explain it but it was always agony saying goodbye. Of course we knew we would always see each other again. I

I was so proud of how well I was doing but now I realize the first. Thanksgiving we were all just going through the motions. . I found out her husband was having an affair so needless to say I have not been back up there. I believe she knew about it. She was so incredibly sad and I didn't know what to do for her. Our lives went in different directions but she was and has always been my one constant. Now I'm lost .. I don't know how I can take the pain of this loss. Every time I think I'm better I crash right back down to reality.

The sky is not as blue and nothing is even the same color without her. Please pray for me. I have lost everyone to cancer now. I only have half brothers and sisters who couldn't care less about me. Everyone I am connected to is gone.

Please pray that I can forgive God for taking her away and leaving me in this world alone. Why did he giver her to me as a twin only to steal her away.

Comments for Missing my Identical twin, The pain is unbearable.. I long to be released from it

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Dec 14, 2012
Only He Knows
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Anonymous, I am sorry for your loss. You wonder why God gives us our loved one's and then snatch them away. God own's the world and US. If God were Cruel he could withdraw the air we breathe and the sun to give us light and every other things we enjoy for a time. Because of SIN we DIE. But God's PROMISE to us is that HE is coming back again to earth to RECEIVE us to himself that where He is there we may be also. Only problem is that WE who are left alone on this earth have not finished our Journey and so God is keeping us here for a plan and purpose. I too also have to get my head around this. I sometimes lose my FOCUS and wonder what it is all for and about. But I then go back to the place of my Beliefs and have to remember the PROMISES of God and to CLAIM them for my life.
Life is unsufferable for us now and will be for some time. HEALING has to take place in us before we can go HOME also to be with GOD.
Even if God gave and God took from us. Better to have LOVED than to not have LOVED at all. You may have to continue your relationship with your lost loved ones when Jesus comes back for you. You will have to continue those memories later. Now aren't you HAPPY you have those MEMORIES. Aren't you glad you had the chance to live your life with the one you LOVED. Hold onto this. God be with you in your Sorrow and bring you Peace and Comfort.

Dec 13, 2012
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for leaving a comment I appreciate it so much. I try not to be mad but I just can't get it out of my heart and I'm scared to death what horrible thing god has planned next .. I've lost both parents and my twin in a 6 year span from cancer. I'm all there is left. I have someone I love dearly in my life but I'm so afraid they will be taken from me as we'll who knows what else God has in store for me. I could use a little mercy .. Just a little.

I am so sorry for your loss and I can really identify with the tantrum thing you actually made me smile.. I hope you find peace in your heart during this holiday season. Thank you again for taking the time to answer.

Dec 13, 2012
Thank you Doreen
by: Cindy USA

Dearest Doreen, thank you so much for your comment to me. I appreciate it and want to tell you how deeply sorry I am to hear of your loss of someone just as important as a twin.. 44 yrs is a long time to love someone and make a life only to have them snatched away by this beast we call cancer. I hope you are finding some relief to the long hard nights especially during this time of year. I travel for a living so I'm not really able to see a grief counselor.. I'm home only a few days of. The month. Anyway I just wanted to thank you again for taking the time to care for me and know I'm sending you prayers for you're broken heart as well.

Dec 03, 2012
Missing my Identical twin, The pain is unbearable.. I long to be released from it.
by: Doreen U.K.

Cindy I am sorry for your loss of your twin sister to cancer. You will be suffering an immense pain of losing someone who shared the womb with you. You were one seed split in two. Almost like being cut in half. A strong bond like this will leave you overwhelmed. You need to go and see a grief counsellor. Their skills and support will allow you to cope with the pain of your loss. You will recover from the raw pain of grief quicker and then go through the motions of losing that close bond, relationsip, and person. Your other half.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 7 months ago to lung cancer. He died a slow painful death over 3yrs. I will never get over his death. I will just learn to live with this in time. My heart is still very broken.
God has His place in our lives and Counsellors have their place. I got both and I made a recovery that has given me back my life. You will too.
I had the whole of America on all the God channells praying for my husband to be Healed. he did get a measure of healing. A miracle to last 3yrs. with an aggressive cancer. I thought I would get my miracle and when my husband drew his last breath I was devastated. I didn't have to think about being angry with God. It was just there unwinding automatically like a tape. I couldn't get rid of this anger. Waiting patiently for Steve to retire and spending his retirement doing fun things. Steve earned this through 47yrs. of hard work. Now I sit alone, eat alone, sleep alone. WHY? God I ask. When Steve was dying he felt that God didn't Love him. I couldn't convince him otherwise. It is human to think this. I hope in the days ahead you will find some relief from your sorrow and grief and that God will send someone by to support you and help you back on the road to recovery from your serious loss of a twin.

Dec 03, 2012
Only He Knows
by: Anonymous

Why does He give us anyone, only to steal them away? Is it better not to have them at all? Sometimes, for me, the pain is insufferable. I feel like so much has been taken from me and I just want to leave this world. It's hard work for me to get out of my pity party and just trust Him. I think we, as humans, always want to be in control of our lives. My other half already had a set departure date before we were joined. I just didn't know it. Never really thought about it. And, now, I'm forced to think about it every waking moment of every single day. I am left to trust Him one hundred percent. He is the only link between me and my other half. The alternative, not trusting Him, is too risky. It potentially separates me from my love. I still cry all of the time. I feel like I've been beaten down. I throw temper tantrums. One night, I just lay in my bed literally kicking my feet and thrashing around in anger. Crying. I must have looked like a 2 year old. I guess what I'm saying, it's not always easy to trust when we are not given our way. But, we must still trust. The father always knows best for his child. It will all make sense one day. Just have to make the best of it until then.

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