Missing my little brother still, then I lost My 1st cousin

by Rochelle Smith-Engler
(oneonta,NY USA)

In loving Memory Of my fallen brother Lester A. Smith Jr

In loving Memory Of my fallen brother Lester A. Smith Jr

In loving Memory Of my fallen brother Lester A. Smith Jr
Lester with !st cuz Shaun together in heaven
where we visit you know dear brother

On may 6th 2009 at 2:22 am I got the worst call of my life. It was my mother telling me my brother Lester was hit by a van. In shock and disbelief i hung up tried to go back to sleep and at 4:30 am my sister Irene called and said I needed to get to Hartford Ct immediately my brother was brain dead and we needed to say goodbye. Still in shock and disbelief text-ed my older sister who was already in CT she called and said " Rochelle hes really gone he has no brain activity." Stunned I collapsed to the floor and heard screaming and realized it was coming from me. How could my brother who had such a strong faith in god be gone. Why was this happening to us? My husband took us immediately on the 5 hr drive. When we got there I went immediately in the room to see him. He looked so peaceful and as if he was just sleeping. Then we had a meeting and found out the horrid truth of his passing. He had been hit while trying to cross the street to return to his hotel by a drunk driver. there was no blood flow to the brain so on May 7th 2009 at 7:45 pm he was pronounced dead and my mom made the tough decision to donate his organs. it gives me some comfort knowing other lives where saved thanks to my brother. In life he cared for everyone and in death we could honor is memory.
Now almost four years later it still feels so surreal. We all now make it a point to call or speak to each other every day so we have no regret's. I don't wanna miss a thing anymore. I get scared when I know my daughter is out i pray shes safe and I wonder if I remembered to say i love you in fear she is taken. I cry myself to sleep at night. Will the loss ever feel old? Will the pain ever go away? All I know is i'm gonna live and love like no tomorrow for my sweet dear brother who was taken at the tender age of 34. He was a father,son,brother,best friend,cousin,grandson and the most amazing man anyone could of ever met.
He left behind 3 sisters,2 brothers,3 wonderful children and our wonderful parents. He was very religious and was always praying over us. He was the life of every event. Nothing has been the same since he was taken. I pray to god we find peace in this. Why would god call home my brother? Why is the number 1 question we all still have. Not a moment or day goes by that he is not thought of. For now we just have his grave to visit. I am happy to know he is with my grandmother Irene in her arms for eternity and wrecking havoc with my lil cousin who was recently taken as well. One thing is for certain I love my remaining siblings with all my heart and soul and I would give my life for each one. So live,love and laugh like there is no tomorrow. Hold your family close and always say I love you , you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Comments for Missing my little brother still, then I lost My 1st cousin

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Oct 07, 2013
i lost my sweet brother
by: athira

i lost my elder brother vishnu. he passed away from 11 month he is my best. he my sweet brother

Mar 05, 2013
thank you means alot
by: Rochelle

Thank you. I started a fb memorial page soon after his death. it helps to hear how many lives he changed or affected just through one meeting. We came from a humble life but he made our lives so much happier just knowing he was there to make it all better. I'm sorry for ur loss as well. Must be hard. How do u get through or get out of bed.i hope the hole closes so I'm not so fearfull.

Mar 05, 2013
Missing my little brother still, then I lost my 1st cousin
by: Doreen U.K.

Rochelle you are a very wise woman to hold your remaining family close to your heart and carry on the legacy of your brother's love and kindness. He was a God fearing man so will have had the blessed hope of eternal life where you will see him again when Jesus comes back again for us his remaining children.
I lost my husband 10 months ago to cancer and I was angry with God for taking him from me. But I guess we don't get to make God's choice of when he takes us HOME to be with Him. But Death does make us vulnerable to losing others from our family, and we wonder who else we are going to lose. It is good to hold everyone close to your heart so you live with less regrets and you should pray over everyone each day when you go out of the home and in the home as none of us knows what will happen if we don't ask for God's protection on our lives and those of our loved ones.
4 years later and you still feel as if it was yesterday. Healing is a slow process for everyone and it is only time that will get us where we need to be. You have a positive attitude and enough love to see you through the days ahead. Your story gave strength to me so thank you for your post. I am sorry for your loss's of all your loved ones.

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