Missing my little brother still, then I lost My 1st cousin
by Rochelle Smith-Engler
In loving Memory Of my fallen brother Lester A. Smith Jr
On may 6th 2009 at 2:22 am I got the worst call of my life. It was my mother telling me my brother Lester was hit by a van. In shock and disbelief i hung up tried to go back to sleep and at 4:30 am my sister Irene called and said I needed to get to Hartford Ct immediately my brother was brain dead and we needed to say goodbye. Still in shock and disbelief text-ed my older sister who was already in CT she called and said " Rochelle hes really gone he has no brain activity." Stunned I collapsed to the floor and heard screaming and realized it was coming from me. How could my brother who had such a strong faith in god be gone. Why was this happening to us? My husband took us immediately on the 5 hr drive. When we got there I went immediately in the room to see him. He looked so peaceful and as if he was just sleeping. Then we had a meeting and found out the horrid truth of his passing. He had been hit while trying to cross the street to return to his hotel by a drunk driver. there was no blood flow to the brain so on May 7th 2009 at 7:45 pm he was pronounced dead and my mom made the tough decision to donate his organs. it gives me some comfort knowing other lives where saved thanks to my brother. In life he cared for everyone and in death we could honor is memory.
Now almost four years later it still feels so surreal. We all now make it a point to call or speak to each other every day so we have no regret's. I don't wanna miss a thing anymore. I get scared when I know my daughter is out i pray shes safe and I wonder if I remembered to say i love you in fear she is taken. I cry myself to sleep at night. Will the loss ever feel old? Will the pain ever go away? All I know is i'm gonna live and love like no tomorrow for my sweet dear brother who was taken at the tender age of 34. He was a father,son,brother,best friend,cousin,grandson and the most amazing man anyone could of ever met.
He left behind 3 sisters,2 brothers,3 wonderful children and our wonderful parents. He was very religious and was always praying over us. He was the life of every event. Nothing has been the same since he was taken. I pray to god we find peace in this. Why would god call home my brother? Why is the number 1 question we all still have. Not a moment or day goes by that he is not thought of. For now we just have his grave to visit. I am happy to know he is with my grandmother Irene in her arms for eternity and wrecking havoc with my lil cousin who was recently taken as well. One thing is for certain I love my remaining siblings with all my heart and soul and I would give my life for each one. So live,love and laugh like there is no tomorrow. Hold your family close and always say I love you , you never know what tomorrow will bring.