Missing my Love on New Years Eve

by Judith
(Winnetka, CA)

It's New Years eve and I've been crying most of the day. I miss my Chuck so damn much it aches. We always said Happy New year, I love you and kiss early because we knew we'd be asleep a couple of hours before midnight. We knew we'd wake up together on new years day.

The last 3 1/2 years I'd put him to bed and lay with him a little while until he fell asleep and go back down stairs to finish up stuff. On New Years eve I'd go up to bed at 9:00 and kiss him and tell him I love him and tell him tomorrow is a new year for us to continue to love one another.

I won't be able to do any of that this night. I'll just cry until I fall asleep totally heartbroken not wanting to go on without him but regretfully knowing I have to. Life is so empty with out him. He was my everything. My reason for living. Yes, even tho I had to do everything for him. I lost me into him for 35 years to where I don't know who I am now.

Maybe it's just settling in that he is really forever gone.

It's still the hardest thing I've ever had to endure.