Missing My Mom

by Kathrine

About a month ago, I found my mother dead at her house. It was so scary, I couldn't believe that this happened to me. I mean she was only 34. Everyone tells me they know what I'm going through, but they don't because they don't know what it is like to find their mother dead. They really don't...I still think about her last words to me "I love you." Yup, those were her last words, and I'm so happy that they were, because now I know my mom really meant it, even though she never really showed it. I still remember what we did that day, it was the most amazing day I've had in years. But, I can't believe that this happened. I mean I really didn't think that I would be the one to find her. My mom died of a drug overdose. I keep thinking to myself...why? Why me? Why did this happen to me! Today I still can't believe that she's gone, she was the only person in my family that I was really close to. I lost my best friend, and I love her, and miss her everyday. Sometimes I really think that I could have prevented her death, but I think back and realize that there was nothing I could do. I wish she was still here, because she never got to see me accomplish something she didn't. So that's why I'm devoting my life to her, everything that I do will be for her, because I knew she would have done the same thing, if I was the one that died. I wish we could have spent more time together, because she will never see me graduate high school, and she will never see what I turn out to be. I think about her all the time, I really can't get her dead body image out of my head. I really want to, but I know that it will stay with me for the rest of my life. When people ask me what I want them to do...I say "I want my mom back." I know they can't make her come back, but I wish that she would come back. But, I know she's happy were shes at. I love you mom, no matter where your at, and I think and miss you everyday! I love you mom.

Comments for Missing My Mom

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 20, 2016
Mom
by: Anonymous

Found my mom od'd from heroin on the 17th, her lips were purple. I will never get that out of my mind, the wave of fear that swept over me as i saw that and said "mom?" and began screaming, shook her, and grabbed my phone in slow motion. To not have my mom, to say the words mom to someone, its all too surreal. I feel lost in a haze. We fought a lot the last year. Im 26 and she was 46. Everyone in my family blames her boyfriend and i now live with him alone. They were selling her suboxine and buying heroin. Makes me so sad, bewildered, lost and hurt. Guilty. Wish it couldve all been different.

Nov 06, 2016
Still feels unreal
by: Anonymous

A month ago yesterday I got a call saying that they found my mom dead in her home after she had apparently overdosed from huffing duster. For at least the last 9 years my mother had struggled with percription pain and anxiety medication addiction. She had a serious kidney disease that had her taking slow release morphine everyday but she always abused it. Growing up I always thought it was going to be the pills that killed her, but in the last year my siblings and I had started to catch her huffing duster, she started probably from what we know in January...she didn't even last a whole year. Duster is a nasty drug and it's horrific to see someone use it right in front of you. She battled with severe depression and had a tough life..she's no longer suffering. I miss you mom.♡

Oct 30, 2016
thankful to have the time i did with my best friend
by: Dottie ransom Johnson

I just came home after 20yrs lost to addiction that eventually crippled me physically in my hands an feet due to ra.I ended up in prison an surrendered my life to Christ an when I got outside last Sept 27 I came home for the first time since I was a kid an got to spend everyday of this year laughing an coming to terms that we were exactly alike. Never once did we argue or fuss. She was grieving the loss of her husband when I got home. She found him in the garage dead an was just so lost.so.I came an cooked for her everyday an it just tickled her to death. She took well to being spoiled rotten lol but the bond we shared is indescribable she's the only person besides God that I trusted an then she got sick But seemed to be getting better but er mind was messed up for 3 days off an on.she'd seem better one minute then bad the next.she refused medical attn.an Tuesday night she seemed to be coming around got up washed some clothes an I checked on her again an she said baby I'm so proud of you an I want you to go get some rest you've been up taking care of me an ur exhausted. She gave me a kiss right on my lips which we never do. Its always cheek kisses. I set my alarm for 7am the next morning an found her dead in the floor beside the bed. I am lost truly lost I just can't explain what itself like to live in so much abuse addiction an chaos for decades an then finally start learning an loving my life. And bam it's gone. I've never done anything right till God brought me home to mom. Just so scared an lost

Oct 27, 2016
R.I.P Mom
by: iFyro(Gamer)

My mom died at 39 yrs old she's a ofw she's working at Singapore and then when she's going back home all is ok till a month ago her desease starts to go on its a kidney failure its a long story that I cant type all there's only 1 word I can say "Love Your Mom ❤ "

Oct 08, 2016
Phillip
by: Anonymous

My mother has passed too. She overdosed. Still don't believe it she has been fighting my whole life. I am 18. I do feel dead inside because she had so much potential. The worst part is that everyone has moved on. She had no friends and little family. She is now a statistic. She would have gone so far in life. She earned her 4 year degree. There are questions I will never have answered because she brought them to the grave. The day after everyone moved on. No one knows about it. It's as if she was a nobody. That hurts the most.

Aug 11, 2016
I completely understand.
by: Anonymous

I am a 16 year old guy, my mother was 35. Every male understands their unique relationship with their mother. I found out three days ago that my mother had passed away after she was missing for 2 days. She was battling addiction for 5 years and just this year she had finally gotten as far as it gets. Heroin. I just can't fully understand because she always told me growing up how good it fealt knowing that she never got caught up with the wrong crowd in highschool. She was the nicest person to strangers, I know this because not only did I witness this, but people have told me story's about my mom in highschool and how she would go to kids who were sitting by themselves at lunch and have them come to her table with her "popular" friends. My mom was truly an amazing person. Anyways.. I feel your pain. People say it's sad but they don't understand how bad it hurts. Nobody is there for you as much as your mom is. Even if she wasn't there for me physically all the time I still know that she loved me with all of her heart. I will always be hungry for just a little more time with my mother for the rest of my life.

Jul 17, 2016
I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

My mom had stage 4 breast cancer and liver cancer. My mom and I were closer then anything she was also my bestfriend we spent so much time together but not enough. My mom won't get to watch cartoons me grow up at all. I'm only 11 and she won't see me start junior high or graduate or get married or have kids. My moms last words to me were I love you also. I miss her so much it's been exactly one month. And I remember my grandparents telling me that she passed away. It was the worse feeling of my life. I could physically feel part of my heart slowly fading away. I miss her so much!!

May 28, 2016
A week ago
by: Anonymous

I got the call a week ago. It was one I had expected for years. My mom was found dead. She overdosed on prescription pills and alcohol. She was 53. A lifetime she spent battling addiction ended.. I had expected it but that didn't change the anger. I am the Nok. Everything falls on me and with no money or insurance. I have 4 kids and a younger (adult) brother and they all look to me. I maybe wrong.. but I just feel anger.

May 26, 2016
Heartbroken
by: Megan

My step father died of a drug overdose. Him and my mother loved pills. I thought that she would open her eyes after preforming CPR on her dead husband, but it's just gotten worse. She overdosed last night, and has been in the hospital since. The bad thing is, she's completely alert and awake, but she's talking out of her head. Crazy, off the wall things. She's went from screaming profanities at me to begging me for help because she feels like she's going to die. All I can do is stare at her with heartbreak and try to comfort her. I believe she's caused permanent brain damage and will be like this the rest of her life. If not, it's just a matter of time before she really kills herself. I've tried to help her. She won't accept any help. She doesn't want help.

May 17, 2016
Still in a fight
by: Anonymous

I lost my mom to prescription drug addiction over ten years ago. There is only my older brother and me. This was our life since I was 12. My brother was the Angel (but not really) of the family. My mom blamed me for everything. In our older years it was always me she called for help ( ran into parked car) ... She dead alone and the church ppl hate us. I have not been back to her grave since funeral. I want to forgive her

May 07, 2016
I lost my Mom also
by: Jackie

I am 40 yrs old and I lost my Mom 7 months ago to an oxycodone overdose. I say it doesn't get any easier. I found my Mom and attempted CPR. She was both my brother and myselfs best friend. She had a drug addiction for years. she died at 58 yrs. I'm sorry for any of you that have had to experience the same thing

May 04, 2016
Grief
by: Chris

I posted a comment back in 2013 and it hurts to see new posts from others missing their parents. To all who lost a parent, be it of a drug overdose or not, or anyone they care about please find support. I didn't when I suffered my losses but joined a teen support group years later and it really helped. Kathrine, I hope you're doing well since you posted. I hope all are managing.

Apr 23, 2016
My dad just died of an oversose.
by: Anonymous

I understand your grief and I am so very sorry.

I am 28 years old and my dad died on 4/20/16 from a heroin overdose. We had not spoken in almost 14 years. He left my family when I was 14 due to drug/alcohol issues. I spent years in family support groups trying to cope. I guess you could say I never accepted the fact he chose drugs over myself and my family, I just learned not to be so angry about it. No matter how much time passed, it never quit hurting. I let my anger and resentment get in the way of ever reaching out to him or his family during our time of estrangement. Now that I have learned of his passing and the nature of it, I feel as if I am that same angry/hurt 14 year old girl all overy again. I still do not understand why he could never get clean and why his drug abuse escalated the way that it did. The hardest part by far is my brother and I are the legal NOK and have had to be the ones making his final arrangements. How can you "honor" someone who broke your heart when you needed them the most? Our lives were destroyed by drugs and the disease of addiction. I pray that God will forgive me for turning my back on my father when he obviously needed someone the most. I am a nurse and have dedicated my life to helping others and alleviating suffering. If I can do this on a daily basis for complete strangers, how is it I couldn't do it for my own father? I hope to one day understand, perhaps then I can truly bury this bitterness/resentment I have carried for so many years. Again I ask God to help me understand and to hopefully revive whatever peace and love and has died in me as a result of it. I hope this for anyone struggling to understand/cope with a loved ones addiction.

Apr 23, 2016
You're not alone
by: Anonymous

I'm 19, so I'm assuming we're around the same age. I also came home and found my mother dead, Nov 19th, 2015. She had passed hours prior from a massive heart attack due to her coranary artery being clogged with tar from smoking her whole life. She was only 55. PTSD is one hell of a thing. And that image of her comes into my head atleast 20 times a day. Don't feel alone. I googled how to handle finding your mom dead (Odd search, I know) and I feel better reading others stories and knowing how I'm reacting to the loss is normal. You and I are very young and there is never a "right age" for your parent to die. Good luck, please always keep pushing. Don't lose your drive to succeed for her.
Xoxo

Mar 21, 2016
Thank you.
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your blog. Today is the 3rd anniversary of my Mom's passing. She died from a drug overdose but I've never told anyone in my family because they all are judgemental and had bad opinions of her and I didn't want to give them any more ammunition to hate on her. My Dad and I are the only ones who know the truth. Sometimes I'm very angry with her for being selfish but I've done a lot of research and it helped me realize addiction is a disease. I wish I could have helped her but she kept it a secret. I just hope she didn't have any pain when she passed.

Dec 16, 2015
My Momm
by: Anonymous

I miss my mom too. I'm 28. She was 52. She died of a drug overdose. It will be four months december 28th. I don't know what to do without her and it hurts really bad. I wish I could have done more. She became an addict at the age of 40 and it was all downhill from there. She tried to get well but it consumed her life and hurt our relationship. Months before her death I told her I would always love her but I wouldn't be a part of her life if she didn't get well. I begged her and pleaded with her to get help and offered her endless help. She chose a cab ride over getting help...addiction is a serious illness. She went to rehab the next day only to sign herself out days later. I seperated my contact...we spoke only twice after that. It was a good conversation and I cherish that...but she died alone. I never got to tell her I forgive her or tell her how much I love her. My sister is pregnant with her first grandchild that she will never get to meet. I know she is in a better place and no longer has to battle her illness but it kills me that addiction took someone, something, so beautiful and loving and twisted it into something so hideous and painful. I choose to remember her before the addiction. She was the best Mother ever. I wish I could tell her how much she meant to me. I'd take ten years off my life just to spend an hour with her alive and sober.

Apr 19, 2015
my mum
by: Anonymous

I lost my mum just over a year ago to alcoholism. I'm 15 now. I miss her everyday and I don't know how to stop crying. I weep like a baby now. It gets worse every week. I miss her so much. It's not fair, it never is.

Nov 13, 2014
No one knows but you....
by: Anonymous

Hello,

Today I came to your post.
I am a mom and have a 6 yr old daughter.
I also hide a serious drug addiction .
No one known not my husband or anyone...
Im too ashamed to tell .
After reading your post I want you to know as a mom ...your moms love you even though the drug addiction became too strong..
Addiction is like being in a dark room and you cant find the door..you hear your childs voice but you cant get to them though you are crawling through the dark you never stop looking for them.
Today I found the door and threw all my drugs and needles away one by one.
God bless and keep everyone of you until you see your mom again in heaven...

Oct 23, 2014
Been there too
by: Aiden

Wow who'd have known there were so many similar situations. I lost my mother to a drug overdose when I was 5, and my other mother (her partner) a few months later. I've never known my father so grew up in my Uncle and Aunties family but my Aunty never wanted my mother spoken of - partly she felt threatened by her memory and partly because my mother was the families dirty little secret - a lesbian heroin addict. It wasn't till my mid 30s that I got counselling and finally dealt with it as the grief had never been dealt with. I strongly suggest counselling to anyone who has been through this, there is grief which is natural, but then there can be grief you carry around unresolved for decades which CAN be fixed through counselling. Life is far too short to be dragging around all that grief. I hid in drugs and alcohol in my 20s but luckily got back out again in my late 20s and though I've probably damaged my body I live a much better life now. Mentally and physically. I can't express how important counselling is for dealing with this kind of thing. I hope you all find peace, it's a terrible thing to go through and my heart goes out to you all, and I can honestly say "I know how you feel".
------------------

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Jul 26, 2014
missing my mom too
by: anne

my mom had diabetes for 16 years. I was her adopted child and even blamed her before as I knew about it. there was so much hatred from that moment. when she got sick, I cant help myself not to love her again back and take care of her not knowing that would be the last time that I cud take care of her.i can still remember, she even stay up late night to feed my baby when I was at my school doing my thesis projects. she don't have legs anymore due to diabetes but she was so wonderful she can still wash dishes, iron clothes, and carry my baby sitting on her wheel chair. I really missed her so much. I felt sorry until now and this will be forever.

Mar 02, 2014
Exact situation
by: Nikki

Your situation and mine are almost exactly the same! Im 18 years old; my mom passed away this past July 2013 of an drug overdose. I found her in her bed that morning when going to wake her up. She was only 37. I'm graduating high
School this year, & sucks not having her here for
This kinda big moment in my life.I know exactly how you feel. I know this is an old post but if you ever come back across this post again and want to talk please email me - nikki26410b@gmail.com

Feb 20, 2014
Earlier Today.
by: Troy

My mother died today. Reading your comments has helped. Thank you.

Jan 17, 2014
Found my best friend's body two days ago
by: Terri

I want everyone to know that it is comforting to read these posts and see that you can come out on the other side and still have a life, and be able to smile. My friend used insulin to overdose after she battled depression of losing her 21 year old son. I found her two days ago on her bathroom floor. I've lost children, and both parents, so I feel I know the grief process and what to expect, but the VISION is the thing that is different about this experience. I pray that some day the vision blurs enough that I don't see it so often, or so vividly.

Nov 12, 2013
We're not alone.
by: Rosie

I too lost my mother to a drug overdose. I was 28 when it happened, by brother was 26. She will never be next to me during my first child, my college graduation, my marriage, and so much more. I have no relationship with my father, he is a pos sob.

I feel terrible for my brother, he is so angry and insecure. He has no one. My mom was his and my best friend.

If it weren't for my boyfriend I'd probably end up in prison, or on the streets or dead. It's so hard, I know what you're all going through. All you can do is take one day at a time, and try to make the right choices, TRY to be strong, not for anyone but yourself. You, now, are going to have to take care of yourself, you are your own best friend, and need to be strong for you and any siblings you might have.

Hang in there, it gets easier, but life will never be the same. Try to find someone to settle down with, it helps tremendously. Be brave. Find work to do, hobbies to practice, stay busy. Carry on.

Jun 15, 2013
I can relate
by: Chris

Dear Kathrine, I am so sorry to read your story. I can relate because my mom died from a drug overdose too when I was a teenager. I was not the one who found her but wish I had considering the way she was found. But I did find my father's body when he died 4 years before my mom. Yes, the images will be with you the rest of your life but with time it will get easier. Your mom loved you and I know you will miss her the rest of your life. She may not be there in person for those important highlights of your life, but she will be looking down on you. She will be with you in spirit. You will carry her love in your heart for the rest of your life. You memories of her will get you through the rough times. When you have children you will tell them about their grandma so they can know her as well. You are strong and your mom will be looking down on you, smiling at all you accomplish in life.

Jun 09, 2013
Found Mom dead too.
by: Mike Collins

I found my mom dead as well, on valentines day 2013. She was going through some rough times; Dad started getting dementia and parkinson's really bad, my sister tried to commit suicide,the cat died, her mom died and she had an undiagnosed bowel disorder all within a year and a half.So how does she cope? Drinking.Very serious drinking while home alone. It was absolutely terrifying how drunk she was getting. I sent her to the hospital on several occasions when I came by to check up on her.We tried and tried to stop her from killing herself with alcohol but on Feb 14th, it was all over. I found her face down in a pool of blood, stiff like a store mannequin. Her face was unrecognizable.Flat from molding to the floor. It was horrible.I was so close with my mom. Closer than anybody else in my family.Finding your mother like that is beyond words. I still don't think it has really hit me yet and it has been four months!

Feb 27, 2013
praying for all of you
by: lorenzo

Its almost 2 years my mom passed away she had an addiction for most of her life when she finaly decided to stop her body had been through too much she was 55 when she died she was my best friend we had our ups and Downs but I was a mommas boy even when she was wrong she was right to me, I was deep in the world sinning like their was no tomorrow, after she passed I knew she was in heaven cause my sister prayed with her and she gave her self to the lord before she died, a year after I gave my self to the lord, I wanna be with my mom when I pass and the only way is through Jesus Christ "! It does hurt but its ok to cry I know some one is saving my tears ... I'm 29 now
A Christian man I'm still miss you buddy I'm being good so I can be with you again ...

Nov 04, 2012
Lost in the fog
by: Anonymous

I'm 8 months pregnant with my first child. I called her all day Friday w no answer. I got to her house Saturday am alone. I found her dead with needles next to her.She was in rehab the year before and doing so amazingly well. She kept her secrets I suppose. I can't lose the vision, I can't erase any voicemails. I listen to them over and over. I wish she would answer the phone. I yelled at her body, I wish I saw the signs of relapse, I naively thought she would never do them again. I don't hate you or blame you. I know your disease was so strong and you had to much sadness in your heart. I wish I could have saved you, I don't know if ill ever forgive myself. My heart is broken

Aug 21, 2012
i miss u so much mom.......................
by: Reena

my mom died just 2 weeks back and i cant able to bare it. We were like friends , we will go all the places together. Without her its like hell to me. I want my mom back, Will she come back..........

Mom i miss u so much...........and Love u so much..................I cant be without mom. I will phone my mom many times a day like crazy .................Now i call her number again and again bcoz i think that will i hear her voice. Mom i cant be without u. love u so much..........

May 04, 2012
Me Too
by: Rose

Hello,

I feel your grief. I too lost my mother to a drug overdose. What breaks my heart is knowing that she will never see me or my brother get married or have children. If I have children, they will not know their grandmother.

It's been almost three years and while it has gotten easier, I still feel there is a very essential piece missing from my life. My life will never be the same and I too think of her every day.

Hearing people talk about their everyday experiences with their mom is also hard. It makes me feel left out and cheated and only reminds me of my loss.

All we can do, is keep our moms in our hearts, even though it does hurt. And know, that there really was nothing that could change that terrible event. Even had we gone back in time and warned our moms, something tells me that they still would have used drugs and fate would have had its way.

All we can be thankful for is the time we had and the time we have ahead, because, it is the best way to heal.

Hang in there.

Apr 17, 2011
Missing My Mom
by: Ermestine

Dear Sweet Child. I truly can not imagine what you are going through. I just lost my Mom five weeks ago she was 86. She was ready to transition to heaven and was tired of being sick, yet I still cry for her and me everyday. I miss her so much. Going forward without a Mom is going to be really, really hard, but you can do it. You have so much to accomplish and live for. Turn to God, he will help you through this loss and anything else that will come your way in this life. Seek professional assistance with your grief and don't deny any feeling, emotion or thought you have about this situation, it is the process we must go through to heal. Know in your heart that there is absolutely nothing you could have done to stop what happened. Know without doubt that your Mom will see how your life progresses, she just won't be able to communicate with you. Know that you have already made her proud by being such a loving daughter. I will be thinking of you often as I go through my grief and I will be praying for you to make it through yours. May
God Bless and Keep you.

Apr 16, 2011
Missing your mom
by: M Mack

Kathrine,

I am really sorry for your loss at such a tender age. Life is not fair and I know what you're going through. It's obvious that your mom loved you very much and that you are a very special person. I'm sure you realize that your mom was not well. When drugs take over a persons life the effect clouds their thinking and so many times the drug is more powerful than the mind.

I hope you are in counseling at school and have professional help to get through this. Take your time as you go through the grief process. Most of all don't be angry with yourself and those trying to help. When they say they know how you feel, it's only said to help you, not hurt you. It will be tough going through the grief stages but know you will get through this in due time. Come here to write, vent and read some of the other posts on this site. It has helped so many who lost a loved one. We are here for you and you are not alone. My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Theirspace.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!