About a month ago, I found my mother dead at her house. It was so scary, I couldn't believe that this happened to me. I mean she was only 34. Everyone tells me they know what I'm going through, but they don't because they don't know what it is like to find their mother dead. They really don't...I still think about her last words to me "I love you." Yup, those were her last words, and I'm so happy that they were, because now I know my mom really meant it, even though she never really showed it. I still remember what we did that day, it was the most amazing day I've had in years. But, I can't believe that this happened. I mean I really didn't think that I would be the one to find her. My mom died of a drug overdose. I keep thinking to myself...why? Why me? Why did this happen to me! Today I still can't believe that she's gone, she was the only person in my family that I was really close to. I lost my best friend, and I love her, and miss her everyday. Sometimes I really think that I could have prevented her death, but I think back and realize that there was nothing I could do. I wish she was still here, because she never got to see me accomplish something she didn't. So that's why I'm devoting my life to her, everything that I do will be for her, because I knew she would have done the same thing, if I was the one that died. I wish we could have spent more time together, because she will never see me graduate high school, and she will never see what I turn out to be. I think about her all the time, I really can't get her dead body image out of my head. I really want to, but I know that it will stay with me for the rest of my life. When people ask me what I want them to do...I say "I want my mom back." I know they can't make her come back, but I wish that she would come back. But, I know she's happy were shes at. I love you mom, no matter where your at, and I think and miss you everyday! I love you mom.
I feel your grief. I too lost my mother to a drug overdose. What breaks my heart is knowing that she will never see me or my brother get married or have children. If I have children, they will not know their grandmother.
It's been almost three years and while it has gotten easier, I still feel there is a very essential piece missing from my life. My life will never be the same and I too think of her every day.
Hearing people talk about their everyday experiences with their mom is also hard. It makes me feel left out and cheated and only reminds me of my loss.
All we can do, is keep our moms in our hearts, even though it does hurt. And know, that there really was nothing that could change that terrible event. Even had we gone back in time and warned our moms, something tells me that they still would have used drugs and fate would have had its way.
All we can be thankful for is the time we had and the time we have ahead, because, it is the best way to heal.
Hang in there.
Missing My Mom by: Ermestine
Dear Sweet Child. I truly can not imagine what you are going through. I just lost my Mom five weeks ago she was 86. She was ready to transition to heaven and was tired of being sick, yet I still cry for her and me everyday. I miss her so much. Going forward without a Mom is going to be really, really hard, but you can do it. You have so much to accomplish and live for. Turn to God, he will help you through this loss and anything else that will come your way in this life. Seek professional assistance with your grief and don't deny any feeling, emotion or thought you have about this situation, it is the process we must go through to heal. Know in your heart that there is absolutely nothing you could have done to stop what happened. Know without doubt that your Mom will see how your life progresses, she just won't be able to communicate with you. Know that you have already made her proud by being such a loving daughter. I will be thinking of you often as I go through my grief and I will be praying for you to make it through yours. May God Bless and Keep you.
Missing your mom by: M Mack
Kathrine,
I am really sorry for your loss at such a tender age. Life is not fair and I know what you're going through. It's obvious that your mom loved you very much and that you are a very special person. I'm sure you realize that your mom was not well. When drugs take over a persons life the effect clouds their thinking and so many times the drug is more powerful than the mind.
I hope you are in counseling at school and have professional help to get through this. Take your time as you go through the grief process. Most of all don't be angry with yourself and those trying to help. When they say they know how you feel, it's only said to help you, not hurt you. It will be tough going through the grief stages but know you will get through this in due time. Come here to write, vent and read some of the other posts on this site. It has helped so many who lost a loved one. We are here for you and you are not alone. My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers.
