Missing My Mom

by Kathrine

About a month ago, I found my mom dead. My mom was only 34 years old when she died. She died of an overdose. It was the most hardest things that I have to go through. I wish she would come back, but I know she won't. I'm thinking about all that we did, and what we didn't do. I'm thinking about the day where all the things we did went away. I hate to think that she is gone. I wish I could see her again. I don't know what to think, or what to do with my future. Everything is dead inside me, I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm so unhappy now, I hate the idea of being unhappy. There is no one that can help me get over it. To me it seems like my family doesn't care that she's gone. This makes me feel even more sad. I mean isn't family suppose to help you in times like this? I don't know what to do anymore. I wish my mom didn't die, I wish that she was still alive. I just hope she is in a better place now. I hope she knows that I love her no matter what happens to her. I also hope she knows she will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Comments for Missing My Mom

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Jun 07, 2016
Mother
by: Anonymous

My mother died when I was 10 years old
I am 34 now and yet not fully recovered
It has been 24 years since i lost my mother .
I miss her everyday
My childhood was a nightmare
Those sleepless night ,bad dreams ,etc
I have been through hell .
The most precious period of your life is your childhood
It was ruined .
I often say this .god why did you do it .

.


Mar 25, 2016
My heart still aches......11 years later.
by: Anonymous

My mom was an unbelievable mom during my early childhood years but one thing she never got over was my Dad leaving her when she was 7 months pregnant with me and my sister who was 5 at the time. She tried to carry on for the sake of me and my sister but the pain was too much and she struggled being a single mom and turned to drugs and eventually was hooked on crack cociane. We lost her to that drug. She contracted HIV in 2001 and then she ended up in the hospital in the summer of 2004 with full blown AIDS. I went to the hospital and was told by the doctor that if she made it till Christmas that year we would be lucky. She fought to stay on the streets to do more drugs but eventually she gave in bc she was too weak from her illness and allowed my grandparents and myself to take care of her. I cannot even put into words what it is like seeing your own mother die of such a horrific disease. Till this day I can't get the images out of my head. And, my heart absolutely broke having to watch my grandparents watch their 1st born die. It was the longest 5 months of my life but even though the pain was almost too much to bear I am happy that I got those last few months with her. She ended up dying on Christmas Day that year. So now even 11 years later Christmas is the hardest time of the year for me. And, I feel all alone in my grieving bc I have nobody that I can talk to you bc people are so judgemental or they think I should be over it by now but what I have learned through this process is that nobody ever gets over losing their mother. It's kind of weird to me that I actually dealt with it better years ago but now that I have had two child of my own in recent years it's affecting me even more now. I just wish I my mom here bc I'm experiencing being a mommy all by myself and I wish she was here to love on my babies. It truly is heartbreaking and I can't seem to let it go and I wish that I could.

Feb 04, 2016
I wish she's here with me at home
by: Anonymous

I'm 29 this year and I ask my psychological teacher today a vague question, saying do to u think that there's an end to grieving... she find it hard to reply as well because the truth is there is no end to it at times...

How to feel alive again, properly is my hidden question inside of me...

My mum pass away from pancreatic cancer when I was 24, one of the most painful and toxic building than any other cancer. I was the only one who stay by her throughout the whole process, working, studying my part time degree and caring for her at the same time.

Being a nurse, I was deeply involved in her medical treatment and symptomatic care. It were stressful moments as I recall that I would always remember that I'm always a few steps ahead of the team doctors in rendering of treatment care. My mind was on constant high speed thinking of ways to make her better, more comfortable and happier.

I revealed to her what I understand and her prognosis and always encourage her to tell me how she feels what are her symptoms and I'll present to her options to chose and made her to be the one to decide on what she wants. I'll bring her red roses that she loved and borrow cute children pop up library books for her to read when she's in the hospital. I'll clean her up, put moisturiser every night before I go back home... And I'll bring her home as soon as possible.

If you ask me again...

What I wish i have done was to wheelchair her to the beach before she's too ill and simply just stay by her to spend more time with her... I miss her presence badly, never knew that she meant so much to me.


Jan 11, 2016
missing my mom
by: Anonymous

my mom passed march/2014 and since then nothing has been the same. the world changed, at least for me. she was such a saint and i was such a pos son...why could i have not helped her more, spend more time with her, i was so selfish only caring about me that when i finally started to come around and realizing what is important, boom, cancer.
7 weeks
gone.
watched her go from an indestructible energetic kind and loving woman to a skeleton in weeks. took care of her at home till the end and some of the images are so vivid i actually cringe in agony over what she had to go through. having to help her to the bathroom
watching the drugs put her in this horrific trance
watching the pain take over when the drugs wore off
trying to feed her
trying to give her any water even if it was a couple of drops
looking into her eyes as she took her final breaths
holding her hand and telling her its okay and that i love her.

it kills me how accepting she was of her diagnosis, she said the hardest part is leaving me. dont think it gets anymore unselfish and sincere than that. she had all the good qualities you can think of. i feel like the staple boy for the cliche "you dont know what you had till its gone"
i miss you mom, everyday.

Dec 03, 2015
Lost my mom on 31st october 2015
by: Harsh agrawal

I am 20 years old and my mom was 39 ,she was the only friend i had and now i feel lonely.now there's no one whom i can call daily and tell how my day went ,share my joy,share my sorrow,share my worries,ask queries,lighten my heart so that i have a new day to share about .my phone's battery now last 4 days which never survived more than a day .i really miss her and hope she was alive

Nov 16, 2015
I lost my Mom two years ago today!
by: Raymond Pearce

For the first year after her death it was really hard to go through all the firsts that came that first year!

The First time I couldn't have her Dressing on Thanks Giving.
The first time I couldn't say Happy birthday Mom.
The First time I couldn't wish her a Marry Christmas.
The first time their was no need to buy her an Easter card!
The first time their was no mom for Mothers Day!
The first time Their was no mother for my Birthday!

We begin to, be able to function, and not cry all the time. But always her face is the first thing I see in the morning and the last see at night I keep her memory their so I can always remember her!

I love you as much now as I always did. I miss you everyday.

Sep 29, 2015
To all, who lost their mothers....
by: Natalie

I have recently lost my Mom, she died a month ago at the age of 78, and I was rushing to another side of planet to have a chance to hug her one more time and tell her how much I love her and many , many other things. I did not make it on time. She passed away the at the same time I got up to get ready to leave to the airport.I still remember how strange,quiet and empty house felt that early morning... This is the pain I am going to live with for the rest of my life, I know that it will never go away. I know one more thing that everything people say in such cases , any words do not make any difference any more. But later they would stop saying anything at all and let it go,life must go on. Then you just on your own with it.I have father, sister, husband and adult daughter and still cannot talk openly to any of them about how and what I feel for various reasons. When I have read stories on this website,my heart dropped and I just wept when I read the story from the girl ( she is in her 25th right now), who left her comments on October 27,2012. How are you holding up sweetheart? Then I chocked on my tears when i read about the girl who is 18 now and lost her mom 5 years ago and still going through depression.I just wished I could talk to you and hug you, and listen to everything you want to say about your mom, we would cry together as long as we need and then we would shared funny memories about our moms...I lost my mom so recently that it still feels unreal, just like she would get on the train and went to see her relatives. Still have to learn to live with it...Hugs to all of you, darlings. May God be with all of you and give you some comfort...

Aug 01, 2015
My mom is gone too
by: Anonymous

My mother died this year, I'm 34. She was 59. She had lung cancer. She refused to see a doctor until she became so sick that I, who lived with her along with my husband and children forced her to go. She died 31 days later. I took care of her for 12 days at home in hospice. I never lived without my mom before. This is still so new to me to live without her on a day to day basis. She was my everything. She was another parent in the house that cares for my children when I was working, my best friend, and my rock. I miss her more than anything. I still cry everyday, but I feel like if I work towards things that would have made her proud, then I'm doing what she would want. So I keep trying

Jul 28, 2015
Lonely for more than half my age
by: Anonymous

It's been more than 12 years since my mother died. I am now 23, but that doesn't make any of the pain go away. One of the worst part is that only a handful of people comprehend this situation so they don't have to give you "special treatment". You can't even find a right person to be in a relationship with because, let's face it, the baggage is hard to carry even for two, so people decide to leave you alone with it, somehow thinking that the weight is magically going to get lighter. Well, it never does... Knowing all of this, it's hard to let people in- they usually touch stuff, break stuff and leave you with the mess. One can only go through that so many times before harnessing trust in others would come with greater expense. It's been more than 12 years and nobody has ever looked me in the eye and said "I love you".

Jul 03, 2015
Missing My Mum
by: Anonymous

My mum died 35 years ago, I am now 58, so I was 23 when she died. The emptiness never leaves you. Especially when you have your children, when my mum is not around to love them{even though I know she loves them from wherever she is).Now I am a grandmother of 5 boys and 1 girl, whom I love dearly. But with metastic breast cancer (I'm on my second dose of chemo) I only hope I can imprint a memory of myself on my beautiful grandchildren, and they will remember me.

Jun 29, 2015
I miss my Tinkerbell
by: Shauna

I lost my mother, whom I called "Tinkerbell" June 12, 2015. She died from metastatic breast cancer. A part of me is ok that she is no longer suffering because her last few months were hard for her. She went from being independent to not being able to walk during the last weeks of her life. The other side of me hurts because my mother, my best friend is gone. I cry every night because I can no longer see her or talk to her. I am thankful that I was in a position that I could stop working and take care of her and be with her in her last days. I was able to talk with to her even though she was no longer responsive. But I just want her here with me. I am surrounded by people that I know love me but I am still so alone without my mother. My greatest fear has come to fruition, which was being alone. She was my everything and I feel I no longer want the things in life *such has getting married and having children) because my mother won't be there. She was really an awesome women and I miss her so much.

Jun 24, 2015
I miss my mom.
by: Anonymous

My mom dies 5 years ago, of cancer & a stroke. She died 9 days after my 12th Birthday which I only spent that day with my 2 older brothers. My dad was taking care of my mom at a hospital in mainland so they were really far from home. Well, she died and it was really hard for a 12 year old. And now, I'm 18 trying to survive from depression and I don't know if everything's going to get better.

-M
I miss her, and I don't know what to do with my life.

May 07, 2015
missing my mum
by: Anonymous

over a year ago my mum was told she had cancer and brain tumours we battled though like we did with everythink in life she starred to get worse until she was no longer able to move from her bed i become i her career helping her getting things even tho i didnt live with her i would be tiding the house while my dad and younger bothers where either at work or school beginning of this year my she went down hill in just 2 days couldnt talk it was like she was not there knowing she was she was like an empty shell of my mum the next day my dad had to get some more meds for her so he left extra early that morning leaving my bothers in the house 1 age 18 the other 16 i had this feeling i couldnt shake i should be there just 30min after my dad left my brother age 18 checked on my mum she was gone i regret going with that feeling and going down if i went down i could of sat with her she was the biggest part of mine and my sons life since he was born we went down to see her every day from 9-5 i was with my mum now nothink my life seem so empty and 2moz is my sons 3rd birthday he wont remember but i will the best nanny u could have and mum i miss her everyday from being there and doing everythink together to feeling like i have no 1 im lost

Mar 04, 2015
missing my mother
by: kagiso

Its already 8 years since my mother passed on BT the pain even now is too much to bear. My mom meant the world to me right now the world is against me bcoz I managed to try to be strong all these years, I'm about to graduate and I know the most painful thing is that she won't be beside me. All I wanted was to make her proud of me BT now she's gone. I thought my sister's and uncle's would support me all these years BT no one considered me. Mom I still love you till the day I depart this world. Even though I lost my father passed while I was at the tender age of 7 you are the only person that's on my mind.

Dec 15, 2014
missing my Mom
by: Cindy

My mom passed away four years ago because of Cancer. I miss her so much. She was 49. I wish she could be here, so I can talk to her. No one could cheer me up like she did. No one shows the love she did. She was my best friend.

Aug 26, 2014
I wish I knew my mum
by: Anonymous

My mum died when I was 4. She was 27 and had breast cancer. It left my dad to look after me, at first it went horrific, my dad turned to drinking and smoking and ended up in hospital because he drank too much, too often, because of the death of my mum. As I was only young when it happened I don't remember any of it. I don't remember what my mum looked like or her voice or what it was like to feel her hug me or speak to me. I remember the sad moments, her funeral, when she was ill but most of all I remember the day she died. I remember going to visit her with my dad and my sister, my dad told us both to hold her hand and pretend to give her a present as she lay there dead, only I didn't know she was dead, so I held her hand and as I did I said "there you go mum" and I let go. It's been 10 years and the image of that day still remains clear in my mind like it was yesterday. I miss my mum, everyday I think of her, how different my life would be if she was still here. I've struggled through alone all this time as I've always been too shy and embarrassed to show my feelings to other people and I never once cry infront of my dad about it because I know it makes him upset. I don't quite know how I've got through all these years but I've been strong but now I'm slowly starting to get weaker and weaker about it all. I'm 14

Apr 16, 2014
missing my mammy
by: Anonymous

My mam passed away when I was 12 on the 7th of march 2007 aged 43. she had a brain tumor before I was even born and had so many operations but she really wanted a little girl so she had me. even though she was ill she was still the best mam I could of ever want. No one can replace her. She was kind, caring, loving and was always putting people first before herself. I still think about her everyday and wonder what it would of been like if she was still here today. But I'm happy she is in no more pain. I just want to make her proud. Xx

Mar 30, 2014
Missin My Mum
by: Anonymous

my mum passed away when i was around the age of six she passed away on the seventeenth of may 2010 she was not old she was around in the 20s she was very ill and she could not move eat drink or walk she had to lie down in bed all day she had brain tumor and she had a lot of operations to cure it but sadly none of the worked one day i came back from my primary and my grandad was upset he wasn't usually like that then i said back i ran upstairs and medics and my grandma were next to my.pale mum in the bed on the right they told me she died it was very tragic and upsetting luckily before the day she died i kissed her ....

Nov 16, 2013
Missing Momma
by: Anonymous

Well, as of March 13, 2014 my mother will have been in heaven for 5 years. Due to thyroid issues over a period of time, the illness attack her organs which lead to a deadly heart attack at the young age of 57. I really miss her so much, she was the glue that kept our family together. Now, that she's gone our family is a mess. My siblings and I are not as close anymore and the rest of the family are in a stand still due to her absence. Omg, mom and I were so close, we hung out literally everyday. She was my best friend and my source of strength. I really miss going shopping and out to eat with her. O'yea my kids adored her, she was like there second mom. The hardest part about dealing with her death was I had the tough decision of whether to pull the plug or not. She was declared brain dead and my siblings left me all alone in the hospital to make this choice. Although i believe i made the right choice, sometimes i feel like i should not have let them pull that plug, tear ! Now, that im having similar heart issues like mom, im going a little crazy. I just really wish she was her to tell me to hang in there sweetheart, your strong, beautiful and you'll make it through this victorious.

Sep 23, 2013
Missed my mum
by: Aiza

I lost my mum too. She passed away 4 months ago..i was thinking of like going back the time to really hug my mum cos i missed all those moments she make me to be a wonderful person. She has a lung cancer and if only we could detect it early, i think she will still be around on my wedding day. I really miss her so much till i always feel like i am not appreciating her that much as i am now.she will cook for me breakfast have my wonderful meal and even dinner. Those times will never come back. I really missed her a lot...seems to happen yesterday and i wish this is a nightmare. I can't accept the fact that she is gone from my life forever.

Aug 11, 2013
Death of mother
by: Anonymous

My mam died when i was 15 years old I remember the day like it was yesterday still nearly five years on I remember being told in the school by my grandma and uncle that she had collapsed and then going in the hospital for two days an then on the third being told that she was not coming back and then seeing her in the hospital after being told I still dream about her like just normal things like when she would go to work having a normal conversation nothing will ever replace my or anyone else's I don't think anyone will ever get over the death of the mam but the important thing is to remember the good times that you had with your mam and live your life which is what i think she would have wanted

Oct 27, 2012
missing my mom
by: Anonymous

hey...it's been 5 years since i lost my mom, but everyday it feels like i only lost her yesterday. I was only 17 years old when i lost her. It is the most saddest thing i ever had to go through in my life and i still battle to accept that she is gone. The most painful thing is when you see people your age walking with their moms, or your friends talking about how they love their moms or talking about their moms in general...then that feeling of not having a mom hits you....or you'll be quiet listening to them going on about their moms, reason for being quiet is because you have nothing to say about your mom. then they ask you do you ever talk about your mom, then you dont know if you should lie to them and tell them your mom is still alive.

Sep 18, 2012
My mum was murdered
by: kagiri ngatia

On the morning of 12th nov.2008 my mum was found murdered by a former farm hand.my life changed.like in paralysis I had to learn all what I knew.my heart has become a heavy lump of clay that has refused to melt.whenever am griefed I mourn her for days on end.if yu ve lost your mum you may understand and pray with me.

Jun 26, 2012
MY MOM
by: Anonymous

Hey I can understand your pain because we are sailing in the same boat, Even i lost my mom in feb 2012. No words can describe our pain some many nights I dream of my mom is with me and when i wake it's so hard to know that's just a dream feel like killing myself but i strong believe that i will die one day join to my mom again.

May 16, 2011
Here's a hug for you Katherine,
by: Dianne

I'm not sure what it was in your story that grabbed me so strongly, perhaps it is that I am a recovering addict and it very easily could have happened that one of my kids could have found me in that condition. I'm very sorry for your loss, regardless of the situation, it sounds like there were some loving memories between you. As for the family and how it feels like they don't care, try to remember that everyone deals with grief in their own way, and if there was a history of drugs, there likely are some difficult feelings for the surviving family and friends. I know because I am earning back the trust and care of my family. There has been the loss of our mother thrown in there as well, with most of us not speaking. So my advise to you would be to stay patient, and understanding, and open to receive love and kindness. Believe that time will help to make it easier for you and for them to express more of the loving memories than the hurtful ones. Grief works at it's own pace, for some it is made more difficult because of the "aloneness" that seems to swallow us, keep reaching out, even if it is to strangers...you are not alone darlin'!! Believe that your mom loved you too xxx

May 01, 2011
SYMPATHY TO YOU
by: Anonymous

My heartfelt sympathy to you, my friend. since your mom was so young, i am guessing you are very young also. No person should have to live without their mom before they grow up. I will pray for God to comfort and heal your heart.
I lost my mom a few months ago, so i feel your pain. Bless you.

Apr 22, 2011
My Prayers
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Mothers are so special. Even if you do not see it right now and that it doesn't seem fair that you had to find her...God puts you in places and there are lessons to learn from them. Seek out comfort and share your story. It is of great importance! I am sure your family cares, they just may not know how to grieve. You must grieve....to move on. I have lost both parents and a brother to suicide. Know that it is not your fault. My heart aches for you and please know you are in my prayers for strength and the courage to speak of your Mother. Remember the good times, don't dwell on what wasn't done or said. She will always be with you and if you open your mind and your heart, you will see her in ways you didn't think you could. I believe you can make a difference in your own life by remembering her and keeping her close to your heart.
My heartfelt thoughts,
LeAnn

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