Missing my mom

by Lourdes
(Nj)

I lost my sweet mom 22 days ago. I was at my beach house, trying to call her when my sister burst into my room. Her husband had called to say my dad had found my mother unconscious. I don't remember dressing. I remember making the drive to the hospital, thanking God shed been resuscitated. Feeling hopeful after speaking to the doctors. Then watching her convulsions and hearing that she had been without oxygen too long. 18 minutes. That's all it took to lose my mom. We made the decision to stop care, as was her wish. And she died peacefully minutes later.

And now we grieve. I wonder how my 86 year old dad can recover. His pain doubles my own. I look and search for answers on the Internet and they all say the same thing: give yourself over to grief. Well how do you not? How is there another way? The painin my heart is constant. It doesn't stop.

I miss my mom. There are no other words for it. I miss feeling pain free. I miss laughing, genuinely laughing. I miss hearing her voice on the phone. I miss what she will miss.

Comments for Missing my mom

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Jul 20, 2012
I'm sorry, Doreen
by: Anonymous

Doreen, I am heartbroken for your loss. And that you would take the time to help me when your loss is still so raw. Thank you.

Jul 20, 2012
Missing my mom
by: Doreen U.K.

Lourdes I am sorry for your loss of you mother suddenly. A sudden tragedy fractures our world and leaves us in so much pain, grief, and sorrow. This is what we all have now having sustained a loss through death. Usually if one is not coping with the pain of a sudden death the only option is some grief counselling with a bereavement counsellor to help us cope with the pain of our loss. I was so sure my husband of 44yrs. would live to his 80's because his parents died in their 80's and his 2 brother's are almost there also. But Steve died at 65yrs of a deadly cancer that was incurable, inoperable and aggressive. This was almost 10 weeks ago tomorrow. Recovery is slow and very painfull. The pain of grief is like none we will ever know. Days we will wonder how we will cope with each new day. We can only take one day at a time and even this is very hard to bear. When we are happy in life we wish it would last forever. The reality is that we won't have forever. Our forever is daily. That is all we have because we don't know what tomorrow will hold for any of us. If I look too far ahead I am swallowed up with grief hoping that my life won't be long. How can one live with so much pain that is oozing all the time. The missed phone calls. Sharing dinner. Vacations. Just loving day to day ALL GONE. FOREVER. I am just so glad I am not young otherwise it would take longer being a widow, I am in my early 60's. But even this is hard to bear. My father is 91yrs. perish the thought that I should survive till this time. Mom's are a special part of our lives and when they are gone out of our life. The VOID is great.
Grief is not something we plan. It happens to us automatically. It will take time. But it will get easier, and the pain lessen in each new day. This is our only HOPE as we try to SURVIVE without our loved one we have lost.

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