Missing my Mom

by B


My mom recently passed away very unexpectedly. I was not home when it occurred and my sister found her when she got home from work, but she was already gone and looked like it had occurred several hours earlier ( why wasn't i there??, why did i go to work that day??...i woke up late that day and should have just stayed home. I could have saved her or at least said my final good byes).
She had been diagnosed with breast cancer 1 month before, however it had not spread and was only localized to the breast, so I do not think it was the cancer which directly caused it, as cancer does not kill this quickly. She did have some high blood pressure when at the doctors offices, but when we measured it had home it was much lower and not too high. It might have just been an extreme fear of doctors and hospitals which caused this. She was placed on blood pressure meds because of it.
She had recently undergone her first round of chemo a few weeks ago, and was feeling better as the chemo effects were wearing off. She had a better appetite and was less tired, etc. The few days before, we even went out to eat at a restaurant where she had a good appetite.
When my sister came home on that horrible day, she said she found her in the hallway next to the bathroom. It looked like she had suddenly urinated all over her pants and had a sudden bowel movement and went to get changed in the bathroom, as we found her pants and underwear on the floor, but she had the time to put on new clean underwear which she was wearing when found. From the footprints on the rugs, it looks like she had wondered/stumbled around for a few minutes before collapsing in the hallway.

I am guessing it was a heart attack or stroke and am not sure which. I was wondering whether anyone else had heard of someone suddenly going in their pants before an event like this?? We opted not to do the autopsy because then they would cut her body open and we did not want that to happen, nor did we think she would want that.So my family are all very confused and devastated, and were hoping anyone could shed some light on what may have happened.

Comments for Missing my Mom

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Jun 29, 2013
by: B

Thank you all for the messages. It's been a while since I looked at this page, and it's been a few months since my mom passed. My sisters and I are still sad, but work and life distracts from thinking about it all the time. There are still times when alone that I start crying or there is something that is a reminder. Hopefully it gets better as time goes by. Still cannot believe she is no longer with us... Feels unreal:(

Jun 29, 2013
Sudden loss of my mom
by: Anonymous

Dear missing my mom,I am so sorry about your loss. I just loss my mom three and a half weeks ago to sudden cardiac arrest. My mom also had high blood pressure, which is what caused my moms heart attach and sudden cardiac arrest. I've learned since my mom passed that high blood pressure can be very dangerous, it can cause an enlarged heart, heart disease and it is known to be a silent killer because sometimes people don't even know they have it and by the time they find out it has already done some damage. I hope this helps somewhat because my siblings and I opted not to have an autopsy neither but we knew our mom had high blood pressure and her cause of death was hypertension cardiovascular disease.

May 07, 2013
Missing my Mom
by: Doreen U.K.

B I am sorry for your loss of your Mom. If you were able to have the autopsy that would be the only way you would know for certain how your mom died. You may have to accept what happened and leave it there without any answers. Your mom would have not suffered. She perhaps had a heart attack. My mother had hardening of the arteries In her legs. She was all alone at home by herself and had pains in her arms but didn't want to bother anyone. By the time she got to the hospital it was too late. She couldn't be revived. had she gone to hospital earlier she may have been saved. With a heart attack speed is of the essence as also with a stroke.
I am on blood pressure medication, blood thinners, and I was on statins for hardening of the arteries so I have to be careful. I could die suddenly. There are more and more people on blood pressure medication it is frightening. Once blood pressure medication is started one has to keep taking the meds otherwise they can get a stroke. I have known of this to happen. It is no use asking Why you didn't stay home that day. This is your grief talking. No one knows for sure what is going to happen in life. Life goes on and we have to live it how it is. But I know how you feel living without your Mom. My children will go through the same grief when I am not here. The cycle of life goes on and we have to go on with it come what may. You will miss your mom for a long time. I lost my husband a year ago to cancer and so I know what it feels like to grieve and wonder when it is going to be over.

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