Missing my Mommy so much!!

by Talia
(Baltimore, Md)

It still feels like it was yesterday. My mom passed at 53 on June 15, 2012 to heart disease. My mom was a diabetic and was taking fluid pills. I am her oldest daughter of six and I believe I'm taking it the hardest. I lived in philadelphia for 6years and for financial reasons decided to move back home to Baltimore last year. My mom Kept asking why did I come back to Baltimore but I just needed time to get back on my feet. I had planned on spending more time with my mom once I moved back but schedules didnt permit. We talked very often but I have guilt because I didnt physically see her like I had planned. Her and I had a disagreement on Halloween of 2011 which left me defensive and us distant. I wish I never argued with her that day. My mom and I began talking again in december and she let me know she decided to go back to school. She had been promising that she would finally go back and fulfill what her dreams were. I hated that she never got to do what she wanted and always took care of everybody else. But she did it! She said "Why am I holding on to this money, You only live once". She was able to attend school for the remaining 6 months of her life. She was happy. The last time I seen her was mothers day 2012 and I mentioned to my friend how different my mom seemed that day. I can't explain it but she was so happy and full of life. I miss her and love her so much! I hope I can learn to get over my guilt and develop more acceptance but its so hard.

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Jan 20, 2013
To Doreen from the UK
by: Anonymous

Thanks so much for your response. Your words of encouragement and support truly speaks volumes to me. The irony in that your responsed Doreen is that my mom's name is Karen DOREEN Jackson. Wow! That is so amazing to me that of all the people and names in the world that another Doreen would respond. Blessings to you and your family. I wish you all the best. Prayer helps us heal!

Sep 21, 2012
Missing my Mommy so much!!
by: Doreen U.K.

Talia I am sorry for your loss of your mom. GUILT is part of our grief. But we all live with REGRETS. Things we wished we had done. Things we wished we had done differently and better. Things we wished we had said. And things we wished we hadn't said. We all do it all the time. It is part of LIFE. It seems to be the natural order of life and living. My son said this 4 1/2 months ago when his father died from cancer. He wished he had done more. I agreed to a point because his father asked things of him that he didn't fulfill, and he had the ability and time to do this. But he didn't feel like it at the time. His last words to his dad was. "Don't worry I will look after the Home and mum and Maria (his sister) He has run away. He is 43yrs. old. I had to confront him with the fact that he is not taking responsibility for the home his dad built up and he is going to inherit. He didn't reply. He just took his things out of the garage and LEFT. He didn't say good bye to me. One day He may regret it. But he will have to learn to get over the GUILT. Once he owned an apartment and lost his job so had to sell his apartment. He blew the money he had and now can't get another home. he had this one from his Dad but shows no regard or responsibility. So he has lost this one also. It is left for his sister to manage and own. WE all have to live by the CHOICES & DECISIONS we make whether good or bad. It is what we learn from our mistakes that will help us in life to make better decisions and Choices. Your mother would FORGIVE you for your shortcomings as I have had to FORGIVE my Son for his. This is what mom's do. the hardest part is forgiving ourselves. Your mom was happy going back to school. She Did it. It was an achievement even if she didn't live long enough to use her skills. SHE DID IT. Hold onto this. She didn't waste the opportunity. She used it. Often we don't all get the chance to fulfill our dreams. My husband didn't. HE DIED. If we could rewrite our lives I think most of us would want to do it differently. You have that chance. Don't waste the opportunity. Write your failures in the sand, and your strengths and achievements in Concrete.

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