Missing my Mommy so much!!
It still feels like it was yesterday. My mom passed at 53 on June 15, 2012 to heart disease. My mom was a diabetic and was taking fluid pills. I am her oldest daughter of six and I believe I'm taking it the hardest. I lived in philadelphia for 6years and for financial reasons decided to move back home to Baltimore last year. My mom Kept asking why did I come back to Baltimore but I just needed time to get back on my feet. I had planned on spending more time with my mom once I moved back but schedules didnt permit. We talked very often but I have guilt because I didnt physically see her like I had planned. Her and I had a disagreement on Halloween of 2011 which left me defensive and us distant. I wish I never argued with her that day. My mom and I began talking again in december and she let me know she decided to go back to school. She had been promising that she would finally go back and fulfill what her dreams were. I hated that she never got to do what she wanted and always took care of everybody else. But she did it! She said "Why am I holding on to this money, You only live once". She was able to attend school for the remaining 6 months of her life. She was happy. The last time I seen her was mothers day 2012 and I mentioned to my friend how different my mom seemed that day. I can't explain it but she was so happy and full of life. I miss her and love her so much! I hope I can learn to get over my guilt and develop more acceptance but its so hard.