missing my Robyn

by sue robinett
(fort worth texas)

She was so tiny when she was born, just 4 lbs. and then she started growing. But not much, at age 30 she was just 5 foot tall. I never imagined I would be alive to see her pass and it was so sudden, I had a hard time believing she is gone. She looked like she was sleeping except for the tubes.

One day she was smiling and hugging me goodbye then the next day it was goodbye for good without smiles or hugs.

They say it was a natural death, i still dont believe that! How can a healthy 30 year old just suddenly die from pancreatitis? I have horrible days, like the day I got the death certificate.

How can this be true? she was just 30! no kids, no husband, planning on attending the cordon bleu school. she wanted to be a chef. I lost her daddy in 1980 when she was 5 months old, i had never felt such pain til I lost her step dad in 2002, now i have lost my baby girl and this pain has no end. How can I outlive my child? how does his happen? i have always been ready to go first.

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Aug 14, 2011
sick of being told how strong i am
by: sue

I am so sick of people telling me how strong i am. there is no strength to it. Its not a choice and if breathing wasn't automatic alot of the days since Robyn DIED, I havent cared if I took another breath.
There is no being strong when you lose your baby regardless of their age. Its a simple fact of human nature called the instinct to survive. Strong? no not one tiny bit. There is no strength in being able to smile when your heart is ripped to pieces and your arms will never feel your baby's hug again. There is no strength in laughter at the funny memories because there will never be any new ones made. So stop saying how strong I am. its not strength that gets me out of bed or strength that makes me eat or drink or think about normal daily things. I'm not strong at all. i am a pathetic waste in the dark when no one is around, the memories sometimes sweet and cause smiles, the knowledge that there will never be new memories made are enough to drop me to my knees with the desire to waste away. The only ray of sunshine comes from those left behind and even then, sometimes the pain can throw a shadow. I am making it everyday, one breath at a time but for some reason when i am told i am so strong it just irks me to no ends because I know strength has nothing to do with surviving

Jan 30, 2011
missing my robyn
by: sue

Its been a month now and the shock is definitely gone. I find tears seemingly over no reason. It doesn't take much, a picture, a memory and wham i am lost in grief. How can looking at picture one day make me smile and the next day the same picture cause me to break into pieces?

Jan 20, 2011
So Sorry!
by: Cindy

Bless your heart, you have been through so much... you are a strong lady! My prayers are with you and I know this grief is a hard road. I lost my husband, of almost 35 years, two months ago. I am so lost in this world without him. And this is your third time to travel this road.

I really don't know how you are doing it. It is difficult enough for me with my loss. My husband was so good to me and miss him with all my heart. He was my whole life. I am praying for you with this heartache you have to face now. I am so sorry.

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