Missing my Ry Guy!

by Lillie H
(Illinois)

I lost my 26 year old Son Ryan November 25, 2013 to a blood clot to the lung. He was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia on October 4, 2013 and started aggressive chemo treatment October 7. So many things happened but he never complained did everything that was asked of him. He was such a great Son, Brother and Friend! He had so many plans and his Dad and I couldn't of been prouder of the Man he had become! On November 18th we rushed him to the ER where his Doctor found a blood clot in his brain! He had emergency surgery which took over 3 hours but he made it through and we thought the worse was over! The next day they did a Ultra Sound on his legs and found more clots so they took him back into surgery and put in a IVC Filter. They hoped this would catch any clots that may travel up his legs! He did so good the next few days he was so courageous and brave never complained and never gave up! By November 22 they thought about continuing his chemo treatment which was going to be even more aggressive but the Neuro Team wanted to give him time to heal! This meant going without his Lovenox which is a blood thinner! On Monday November 25 we were told he would start his chemo push they called it! He was scared but he knew he had to have it. He did not rest well that day and his leg pained him terribly but he did his walking and therapy with only Tylenol for pain. Finally after lunch his Doctor came in and said that he would be released to go home to rest and enjoy his Thanksgiving! He was so excited he texted all his Family and Friends but most of all his Brother with all kinds of plans for the week! But things started going bad the Nurse misplaced his new prescriptions and it took him 2 hours more to get them reprinted! We were in the city and by the time we left it was rush hour traffic with road construction so this meant a 2 hour drive home! We got home got him out of the car and he collapsed he never passed out but started having trouble breathing! I called 911 he was alert and talking when he got in the ambulance but half way to the hospital I seen him go! They tried all they could but I lost him before I could say good-bye! I screamed and prayed the whole time in the ambulance but God still took him from me! Our lives will never be the same without him. He touched so many peoples lives and is truly missed! I cry everyday and night and I can't imagine how I will make it through the year let alone the rest of my life without him! Miss you my Ry Guy! đź’” Broken Hearted Mom

Comments for Missing my Ry Guy!

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May 18, 2014
Ry Guy
by: Seana

I know you miss your Ry guy more than words could ever say... It's so wrong and sad... I called my son Sky guy sometimes and I miss him so much also. I just don't understand why they had to go to Heaven so young and loving life here on Earth with us... You are in my thoughts and prayers.. :(

May 04, 2014
thank you
by: Anonymous

My parents lost their eldest son (my big brother)Christian to a blood clot doctors believed was stablised in his leg sadly it wasnt stabilised and in our family home right after dinner my brother went to have a shower collapsed and went into cardiac arrest from the clot filling every chamber in his heart. My dad tried to revive him but he died in my fathers arms. That was three years ago today (5th May 2011). Thankyou for sharing your loss i am hoping to help my parents find a way to share their feelings knowing others like yourself are out there understanding and not thinking they should "just get over it!" thank you again.

Mar 06, 2014
sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous - Joes Mom

Hi Lilli - I also lost my son (33 yr) last July unexpectedly. The shock has worn off but the pain remains, more in waves now. I am so sorry for the circumstances of each of our loved person's, like you, find no sense in the loss but I am able to think of my son and smile some days, others, just miss him and want to scream from the pain and unfair position/reality. I want to say to you, just go slow and treat yourself well for now, you cry when you need to/can and you remember happy times if/when you can. Our love and memories allow them to live on and some days, I am stingy and want to be alone, but other days, I am finding ways to exist without my baby. I say, for a while, it was like I was floating in the waves, with many tears and just bobbing there, now I have tried to put my feet back down in life. I still get knocked to my knees missing him with grief some days, but find myself doing a little better each month. I wish you peace and wonderful memories as this grief thing is not a fast trip and I am sure our sons are watching over us as we struggle to live without them here, with us. :-) HUGS

Mar 04, 2014
To Cindy
by: Lillie

Cindy,
I am so sorry for your loss of your Son. I feel the exact same way as you and I have been trying to be strong! Sometimes I feel though I have every right to be losing it and I get sick of trying to pretend that I am okay! We do go to a Grief Counselor and she has been helpful! But in the end I know I will never be the same without him! Thank you for caring!

Mar 04, 2014
Our son
by: Cindy

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I lost my 17 yr old son August 2013 . He came down with a fever on Thursday afternoon and left us early Wednesday morning. Diagnosis was a staph infection secondary to immunodeficiency secondary to acute leukemia which was diagnosed 5 hours before he died. I do not know how we are suppose to make sense of a life without our sons. There are no words that can comfort, no way to make all of this go away. I only know that I do get a small sense of peace knowing that, one day, when my time here is done, I will be wherever my sweet boy is. Until then, I have to go on for my daughter and husband. Please know that you are not alone in your pain and sorrow.

Mar 03, 2014
Your son
by: Michelle

I too feel your pain. I lost my daughter 13 months ago and althought I stil have a son, I have no will to move on. I cry everyday. I hurt and I'm tired. We all come to this site like we are searching for a cure. I'm sorry..... There just are no words. Hugs

Mar 02, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

My heart feels your pain,I too lost my sonat 39,a shock I never expected. I don't know how I have gone on. I have cried so much,screamed his name, lived with a shattered heart 15 mo.
I do not know why we must face this terrible sorrow. My heart is with you in this struggle of trying to go on. It's so hard !! One day at a time is all we can do. Love to you.

Mar 02, 2014
lost my son to a blood clot
by: Cynthia

Hello Lillie,
I lost my almost 30 year old son to a clot in his lung. No warning, he was gone............
I know your pain. It will be 3 years in April. There are times that I can hardly breath, the pain is so intense. I need to keep breathing and try to do the best I can to survive. My son would be disappointed in me if I just gave up. He had such a love for life, was going to marry in September, was planning a beautiful wedding with his Fiance.
When we lose a child we lose a part of ourselves, we will never be better, we will never be the same, life will never be the same. But, we cannot give up, you have family, I have family. They need us here. Our sons are waiting for us and we will see them again and then the pain will disappear. You can do this , just take it one moment at a time, cry as much as you need to, scream if it helps. Don't run away from the grief, it will always find you.
My prayers are with you, you are not alone.
Take care of yourself,
Cynthia

Mar 02, 2014
Missing my Ry Guy!
by: Doreen UK

Lillie I am sorry for your loss of your young son. The worst experience in a mom's life. I lost my husband to a rare terminal cancer 21 months ago. He had Chemo and developed blood clots from the chemo. He had to have daily injections in his abdomen. He really suffered cancer pain for 3yrs.39days before he died. This was such a cruel way to die and for us his family to observe in our care of him. Just like you I called out to God and prayed for my husband's healing, salvation, and ease from the cancer pain. He died and I took 6 months out of life where I could not function. I nurtured myself back from grief and loss of a great husband.
Taking one day at a time has helped tremendously but it is still a slow healing and the same routing each day hoping that we will heal faster and be able to reclaim what is left of our broken lives. Time is all we have too much of. Time is all it will take for us to move forward into healing from our loss. May God be with you all and comfort you.

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