Missing My Son

by J. Mitchell
(Talladega, AL)

Today has been 8 weeks since my son Cody left this world. It has been the toughest 8 weeks of my life! Cody was just 3 weeks shy of his 21st birthday. We still have no answers as to what caused his death. He had previously been on drugs but had completed rehab and had been clean for almost 7 months. We think he may have accidently overdosed (with his tolerance being low, it wouldn't have taken much) but at this time we're still not sure as no reports have come back yet.

One thing I am sure of is that I miss him terribly! We have so many unanswered questions.....some of which will never be answered. His passing left a huge void in our lives....how do you fill it?? The holidays were horrible! The only thing that got me through was my daughters and grandchildren. Most days I feel like I'm walking around in a fog.....is there no way out of this??

The pain and hurt is almost unbearable......

Comments for Missing My Son

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Oct 03, 2012
Prayers to you
by: Laura from Illinois

I'm so sorry for your loss. Cody was a nice looking boy. There are so many young people where I live that are dying from drug overdose. It is beyond an epidemic. I'm so glad for this blog. We need nation wide support groups for parents. God bless you and your guardian angel.

May 09, 2012
Share your pain
by: Keisha Burton

I am so sorry for your loss if no one understands i certainly do losing my son to gun violence is not exactly the same but losing a child at a young age i can relate to my son was 23 and it's so hard i lost my son 58 days ago i cry everyday my younger son worries about me and i him but we pray together and talk about Travis (my son that passed) and the good times, the funny times, the horrifying times even make us laugh my son was no saint he did his share.... as young guys do no matter the ethnic background... but that gives no one the right to take his life.... thinking about the good times may make you cry and laugh at the same time its weird but it helps you will never be the same again nor will i but as i stated pray and dont forget to remind yourself of the good times you shared no matter how big or small those moments are..... i will pray for you :)

Apr 14, 2011
I am so sorry
by: Loretta

I'm so sorry- he is a beautiful boy. He actually looks similar to my son, John. It's a dreadful path we're on. There are no words for us. A man loses his wife- he's a widower. A woman loses her husband, she's a widow. A child can lost their parents, they're called orphans. But there's no word to describe us. Bereaved parents? That's not enough. (((HUGS))) to you from California. I pray for all of us.
Take care of yourself- and remember all the wonderful memories.

Apr 14, 2011
My son Overdosed.
by: Loretta

My son, John, had a very long struggle with a heroin addiction. I found out by coming across needles while cleaning back in 2005- He overdosed once that I knew of, in June of 2009 and had to be rushed to the hospital. I was there, immediately. Only after he died, did I find bills from the Fire Dept that he o.d.?d again- months later, once in September and once in October- and had to be transported and was on advance life support. On January 3, 2011, he was found him lifeless in his room. I was at work already, that first Monday after the New Year. The day everyone says they?re going to quit smoking, exercise, lose weight. Me included. But at 11:00 am, I called my fiancé who lives with us- and asked him to wake up my son. I?m on the phone as he?s banging on the door. I had a terrible feeling in my throat- I somehow muttered the words ?Break-down-the-door? and that?s when my entire world, my whole existence- changed. While I?m on the phone- I hear the heart wrenching scream coming from my fiancé, his crying and yelling- as he had dropped the phone to resuscitate my son. He returned to the phone begging me to come home- screaming ?he?s gone?.he?s gone?I have to call 911!? Those words- ?he?s gone? will never be forgotten. He was 27.

Jan 23, 2011
by: Cathy in Columbus Ohio

I am so sorry about Cody, he was such a handsome boy and I am sure a wonderful son.

My son, Ben, died of an overdose on Oct 19th, 2010, he had been clean too for about 9 months. We sent him to a wonderful program in Utah, then a step down program in Rockford Il, both places he showed leadership skills and learned alot about his addictions.

He ran into an old acquaintance at the end of September, the one who introduced him to heroin. Like the other posts I have seen, when their bodies are clean and they use again, the outcome often times is what we all experienced.

I have a younger son, if it weren't for him I would be in worse shape, he has been my rock. The hardest thing for me is thinking about all his potential....he was doing so well, had a great job, nice girlfriend, but heroin is in its own league and the urge, once you have tried it from what I understand, never gets easier.

I have met some wonderful people thru a drug initiative in a nearby community who have been of comfort, their community is experiencing a heroin problem and they are creating programs to help, so I am trying to support them. That has helped, they have been wonderful.

Hang in there...................I just found this website this morning and know this will be a return visit website, there is something about sharing with people that have been thru the same experience. Peace to all, and thanks for letting me share
XOXO Cathy

Jan 21, 2011
Thanks to All
by: J.Mitchell

Thank you all for your comforting words of encouragement. I know I'm still in the early stages and have a long way to go.....but somedays I wonder just how I'm going to make it! This has been extremely hard on my husband, also, as he and Cody were extremely close. Cody was the only boy in our family. We have 4 daughters and 8 granddaughters....so you can imagine just how spoiled he was! They are what's keeping both of us going right now......well, them and our unending faith in God.

I know that Cody is in a place of peace now and don't have to fight those addictions and troubles he fought here on this earth. But that don't stop me from missing him or wanting to hear his voice. I pray every night that God will let him come to me in a dream....but that hasn't happened yet. Maybe someday.

My life is such a mess right now but I try to keep going as you all say: '1 step, 1 breath at a time".

Jan 21, 2011
you are in my thoughts
by: Kay

I am so sorry about of the loss of your handsome young son Cody, I would like to say I can relate to how you are feeling and I send to you my love and healing. I too lost my beautiful young son Dean on May 11 2010,he was 23. I know the pain you are feeling, its like nothing on this earth that I have ever experienced in my life.

Sometimes you never know how you will survive, we live from day to day, trying to understand and cope.I am thinking of your pain and sending you love and healing. Just know that you are not alone we are a group of people with a common bond....even if it is tearing us apart..taking one breath....one step.Kay xxx

Jan 19, 2011
My beautiful Angel in Heaven
by: Lesley

Sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel, I lost my son, Leedon, 2yrs ago and the pain is still with me, it doesn't ever go away. You just learn to cope. Everyday is a new challenge and those around you do help a little. Your family will be your biggest help and constant rock.

I also go to a support group Ängel Mums" here in South Africa, and I must say that this has been my saving grace. These Mums are my best friends and the best support I have ever had. I still cry every day and I think it will always be like that, I will miss my little Leedon (although he was 24 when he was killed) for the rest of my natural life.

My other two sons, their wives, my grandchildren and my husband are even more precious to me than ever before. I think that a tragedy such as this brings you that much closer as a family. You are in my prayers, keep going.

Jan 19, 2011
Handsome Boy
by: Trish

My heart breaks for you. What a good looking young man. I can't even begin to know the pain you are going through. The death of my husband 7 weeks ago has brought me to my knees. The pain I am going through is unbearable and I know in my heart my entire family (and all of our friends) did everything we could to keep my husband here with us. He was on the list for cardiac transplant and everyone in his life was 100% supportive of his illness. The pain you are going through is something you must not try to face alone.

I worked as a nurse for a pediatric practice for many years. I heard the doctors say time and time again that the hardest thing in life for any human to deal with is a mother losing a child.
I too floated through the holidays on auto pilot. I have two young adult children and three beautiful grandsons........but the void left by my husband's death is huge. The void left by your son leaving will probably never be filled so don't expect much in that area.

My son's best friend was killed by a drunk driver 12 years ago. He had just been accepted to UCLA and was preparing to leave for college in a few months. After his parents grieved for a few years they decided to go to the person who killed their son (invoulantary manslaughter for which he served 18 months in jail) and counsel high school students about the danger of alcohol and drugs. It was very comforting and healing for them. They felt that something good came from Chris's death.

It's the not knowing that is probably as painful as the actual loss. As a nurse I know that drug abuse takes a tremendous toll on a person's body~even as young as Cody was. It's very possible that if he returned to the drugs again he might have tried a dose known to him (more toward the end of his using~prior to rehab) and thought his body could tolerate it. The horrible thing about buying drugs off the street is that one never knows what they are actually consuming.

Please don't feel any guilt about your son's death. Nobody knows why some children turn to drugs when other children in the same family never do.

Wait for the results so you definitely know. Come to this web site for comfort. There are some wonderful people here to understand your pain. We are all grieving. Hugs and God's blessings to you and your family.

Jan 19, 2011
Missing Your Son
by: Anonymous

I have a son that is the same age, and I can only imagine what your going through. I know there are no words to take away your pain, but I hope you find some comfort in knowing that I will be praying for you. Jesus loves you!

Jan 19, 2011
missing my son too
by: maureen

I am so sorry for your loss and can completely relate. I lost my son Alan 12weeks ago from accidental overdose but are waiting for toxicology reports. He was in rehab and 6 months sober and went out for one last party. He did not have tolerance for the drug in his body.

We are devastated because he got his health and happiness back and was really getting it. This is happening way too much to our children. We are relying on Gods strength to help us each day.I will pray for strength for you as well

Jan 19, 2011
My thoughts are with you. I'm sorry for your loss
by: Pauline

I lost my 25 yr. old son 12 wks. ago. I know how you feel. My prayers go to you and your family. He looks so much like my son. It took my back at 1st when I saw his picture. Be proud mom, of all you've done, I'm sure he wants you to go on with life and he does not want you to blame yourself.

A book I bought that helps me is Healing After Loss- Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief. approx $12.50 I send you strength I find that after the 1st 8wks it was Jan. 1st and I felt like a big black cloud had been lifted off my shoulders, each day since then, have been a little bit better. Since that day when I feel like crying I start praying. I read alot as well.

When you get the coroners report you'll get some answers. The unknown causes much pain.

Jan 19, 2011
it doesn't end
by: Shirley

It's been 5 1/2 months since I lost my son, Dimitri. He had just turned 23 years old. He became ill 3 weeks after his 21st birthday and I was by his side as he fought and fought to become well and live to enjoy his life. It was not to be.

I don't think the hole we both have in our hearts will ever heal. Losing a child is overwhelming and so intensely painful. My 4 other children help me a lot but no one can ever replace Dimitri and I'm sure no one can ever replace your Cody. I don't think we will ever understand "why". My only consolation right now is attending Compassionate Friends meetings where I can at least be in a room full of people who "get" what I'm going through.

I wish you the best as you walk this painful journey for the remainder of your life.

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