Missing my soulmate ....know do I go on?

by Abby

My husband died on April 20, 2012, of melanoma. He fought this disease for 2 and a half years. Karl had just turned 52 two weeks before dying. This was our second marriage for both of us and we were so thankful to have each other. He was a state trooper for 28 years and had to retire because of this horrible disease. I am a counselor and was his caregiver during this time while trying to still work some. From December to April, we were in the hospital for about 67 days and ended up at hospice.
It has been 6 weeks and I am lonely as most friends and support as dramatically decreased. I am seeing a Christian counselor and this helps some. I am reading everything I can and praying.
I feel like I can't make it some days. I they and stay busy but just can't see a future right now.
Reading about other people's losses have helped me. I just want to share and get some feedback from others who may have some words to help me.
Please help!

Comments for Missing my soulmate ....know do I go on?

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Aug 14, 2012
Sending Sympathy!
by: Sybil

Abby, I'm so very sorry that you are having to go through this. My husband passed away in February, 2011. Started with CLL (leukemia) and evolved into another terrible rare form of cancer. He fought for 2 1/2 years. We were together for 22 years.

I wish I could say you will just wake up one morning, and it will all make sense. Unfortunately, that is not the case at all. You will have good days and bad days.

I'm at the loneliness stage. I'm only 60, and I have a wonderful support group of girlfriends. but all are married or in long-term relationships. Nights and weekends are the worst. Couple time, and I'm no longer part of a couple.

I muddle through the days. I still don't seem to have any true purpose for living. I hope it gets better soon for both of us!


Jun 21, 2012
It is tough
by: Mike

Please accept my sincere condolences.
I lost my wife on April 22, 2012. She was diagnosed with cancer in June of 2010. After surgery and 6 months of chemo, we were informed that everything was good, the numbers were normal as were the scans. We had a blissfull 6 months, then the numbers(tumor markers) started to rise.
The cancer was back, in the liver, so chemo was recommended again to shrink the tumor before surgery. After 3 weeks of chemo she died a sudden death from intestinal perforation and subsequent blood poisioning, all caused from the chemo. I was and am in shock. We were together for 29 years, very very much in love. I do not know what to do. So don't feel like it isn't normal to be lost, it is. Will it get better, I don't know, it isn't for me. I try to keep things like she would like them, the house clean, the kids taken care of, the fridge full, and the laundry done correctly.
Take care and God bless

Jun 04, 2012
by: Abby

Thanks for the comments. It does help to know there are others out there that are in as much pain as I am. I hate that any of us have to take this journey but I know in my head that this was and is Gods plan. That doesn't make it easier. If my heart could just go along with my head then I might could feel better. I know that six weeks is a short time since he died, but it feels much longer and maybe that is because it has been two and a half years overall of dealing with cancer. I just thought we had more time somehow.
I am hoping now for a sign from him to let me know he is ok. Sounds strange, I know. I am sure he is with God. I am glad he is not in pain anymore. I still miss him but I hope to get the part where I can not ache all the time. I so long for peace about this. I am horrible at trying to just accept things as they are and not wanting to fix everything. That is the counselor part in me. I will try and focus on the heaven part more for him and how happy he is and not in pain. I just have to trust God more. I honestly am trying.
Did any of you find that you got a sign from your loved ones?
Thanks for your kind words.
Let's all hang in there together, ok?

If you all want to get together somewhere at sometime, I live in south Georgia but would be willing to meet somewhere centrally located to have a retreat together. I find that in south Georgia there is NOTHING like this. So if you all are willing, maybe we could somehow someday get together and meet one day.
Hope you all have a peaceful day.
Love to all.

Jun 03, 2012
too soon
by: Dawn

Dear Abbey, I am so sorry for your loss. My love died Feb 17th. He was my second marriage and had liver cancer for 2 half years also. He was a firefighter for 30 years and I was with him by his side also and he died at hopspice. sound familiar. How do I go on I asked as they lowered him and I still ask today also.. How did we fight and hold out for a miracle all that time, take care of them(gladly),get threw each day only to have them leave. I know he wanted to live but somehow that doesnt make me feel any better now. I wish I had answers for you but I stay connected with this site and do write esp. when I am the saddest. It seems to help. The book Back To Life was given to me and it a great tool to use also. Please hang in there minuite at a time. Know that you may get angry down the road and that is o.k.too. Again so sorry for all your pain

Jun 03, 2012
I feel you pain
by: Mary

My husband died on april 22 2012 of aml lukimia he was sick 4 weeks he had just turned 53 in Jan.
I am in so much pain I can't stand it, I have to talk to someone . I am so very sorry for your loss i do feel you pain.

Jun 03, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Mary

My husband died on april 22 2012 of aml lukimia he was sick 4 weeks he had just turned 53 in Jan.
I am in so much pain I can't stand it, I have to talk to someone . I am so very sorry for your loss i do feel you pain.

Jun 03, 2012
I know your pain
by: Julie

Abby, My Charlie died April 9, 2012. We were married 45 years. We were never able to have children and we spent all our time together. I think being a caregiver makes grieving hard because all of a sudden there is no one to care for, nothing to do. I've been through some guilt and some anger and now I'm starting to realize he's never coming back. I feel so alone,too, but I don't think this type of loneliness can be filled by friends and family. Charlie is the only one who can fill it for me and I'll bet it is the same with your Karl.
What does help me some is my belief that he is still here with me just waiting to take me with him. I hope that will be soon.
I'm so sorry for your loss.

Jun 03, 2012
One Minute, One day At A Time
by: Judith in California

Abby, so sorry for your loss. All the encouragement you will need is written fin LOST SPOUSE section here by those of us who have and are going through this grief journey. It is so early on for you and you're quiet possibly in shock right now and a few months from now won't remember much about it.

It's a very emotional roller coaster ride and it is not for the weak. You will get through it to the other side to peace and acceptance but not before you get tossed and turned so many ways. Give yourself permission to cry as hard as you can anytime you feel like it. Don't let others tell you when its time to stop. Just remember it will lessen one day.

I'm at 21 months now and even tho I have arrived at the peaceful accepting side I still cry but less. I, too, was my husbands Caregiver for 3 and 1/2 years. I know how strong you are and you will do this. I told someone the other day that the contentment I have from knowing my husband is no longer suffering or being in any kind of pain overrides my pain from loosing him.

God be with you on this journey and help you through.

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