missing my wife of 19 years and bff of 24 years
My wife and I have been married for 19 years this week. Approximately 70 days ago she filed for divorce from me. We have three children together 9,11,13. We both grew up in very rough homes as kids. We both faced physical and verbal abuse during our childhoods. I would say we had what I would call a typical marriage up until about 5 years ago. I started having severe back issues. In the past 5 years I have been through two spinal fusions, I have had an internal stimulator installed in my back, I have had numerous nerve blocks performed on my back and nothing really helped. In addition to my back issues I have also had a knee replacement, 9 months after my replacement I somehow ripped my knee cap on the same leg in half. The doctors sewed it back together and I spent 5 days in the hospital, upon release I traveled home and as I got out of the vehicle I somehow ripped it apart again. The doctors have NO encouraging options to fix this. As if all this wasnt enough during this same time period I have also had three blood clots one of which almost took my life. With all the issues I was going through I failed to give my marriage and my spouse the attention they deserved and needed. My wife is telling me she no long wants to be married, she just wants to best friends and live by herself with 50/50 shared custody of our kids. We spoke with a counselor to which I feel was of no help as she never really gave us guidance on how to fix our marriage. My wife tried to get me to attend counseling about midway through all my issues but I was to proud and stubborn to attend. Now we are separated and the divorce is all but final. I am heartbroken and cry multiple times daily as I miss my wife and best friend ao much. I have asked that we go to a marriage counselor that specializes mainly in marriage help, she is refusing. I continue to try and push for togetherness. I am in desperate need of advice as to what can I do to fix our marriage.