Missing the "Love of my Life"

by BJ
(Kansas City)

It has been 5 months and 22 days since my husband of 42 years passed. My heart is broken in two and I miss him like crazy and feel like half of me is gone. He continues to be with me in my heart and his spirit lives on forever.

He fought such a strong and courageous battle after he received his bone marrow transplant and even before then. He said he did it for me and for that I am eternally grateful.

Life just isn’t the same and never will be. My life isn’t over but it is forever changed. No one can understand the pain you are going through and everyone’s grief path is completely different from the other.

This is such a hard and long battle and I keep thinking of all the things that we will miss together in the future. All the grief books I am reading tell me that God has a path for me and He will help me find it. That is hard since right now I don’t even care about the future and want to be with the love of my life but God did have a different plan and I am going to have to someday accept that.

I do have so much to be thankful for. Having my husband’s love for over 42 years, blessed with 2 amazing children and their spouses and our grandchildren. God blessed me in many ways and I do thank Him every day for that. I still have my husband’s love and feel it every moment. The Holy Spirit continues to give me the strength to get up every day and do the things I need to do even though I may not want to for sure.

And besides the support of my family lots of friends continue to be with me and are there for me. That is another blessing for sure.

Even though I have been blessed I still miss my husband and today is especially hard remembering all of our happy times and celebrating New Years Eve with family and friends. I so miss his hugs, kisses, laughter and zest for life. He fought till the very end.
Sending lots of hugs and kisses to my dear husband in heaven. Till we meet again my LOVE…………………

Comments for Missing the "Love of my Life"

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 06, 2014
Missing the "Love of my Life"
by: BJ

Thank you everyone for all of your caring and beautiful comments. You can tell I am new to this sort of communication as I just realized this morning that you all had made comments. It has now been almost 8 months since my hubby has been gone. It is still crazy as one day I will be kind of "okay" and then like last week I was a mess for 5 days and did nothing buy cry. I finally was getting sick of myself and knew my husband would tell me to "shape up." :):) It also doesn't help when you are feeling bad physically and that seems to bring on more grief fast and furiously. I am still truly blessed with the love and support of family and friends but they all have their lives and that is how it should be. Life goes on............ Still missing my loved one like crazy and yes I too talk to him during the day. I can feel God's arms wrapped around me to support me and get me through these tough times and know someday I will be reunited but still MISS him like crazy!! I like the analogy that a friend told me. We are kind of like chocolate Easter bunnies looking good on the outside and hollow on the inside. Kind of hits it on the head doesn't it. I keep busy everyday and try and do the best I can knowing the Holy Spirit is giving me strength and courage to move one. But I still so miss the Love of my Life and my life isn't over but forever changed. May everyone find some kind of inner peace today.

Jan 16, 2014
Missing the "Love of my Life"
by: Doreen UK

Elisa I am glad you have friends who care and surround you with love and support. I found such comfort reading your address to BJ. You expressed a lot of what and how I feel. I have always run the home and attended to problems. But now I do it alone and the burden feels heavy. It is good to have God in my life and to know He is near. But I wish God could be here in person to help me make the day to day decisions when things go wrong. I feel the heavy burden of keeping up the house and getting tradesmen in to do the work. I am in a high state of anxiety having to make the decisions on repairs. I haven't slept well. So tired. Can't get over my builder who did the garden steal a lot of my husband's tools and personal items I needed to do some jobs. For months I didn't notice the two good ladders my husband had have been stolen. I can't do anything about this. He was the only person on the property at the time. No one else could have done this. Steve told me to not let anyone in his garage because of theft. I DID. Now I can't get over my anger. Grief is enough to bear without all the new problems that arise every day. I hope you don't have days like this one. Best wishes

Jan 15, 2014
to BJ
by: Elisa

Dear BJ,

I too agree with you and everyone else who commented on your pain and grief of losing your wonderful husband. No, life will never be the same: no sharing little things, laughter, tv shows, walks, projects together, decisions made together, talking over problems, fixing things, worrying together, comforting each other, planning little trips like to a movie, or big vacation plans--it' all over. I old on to the belief (not always there) that it will be the same some day again in Heaven when we meet again.
Some days I get angry and frustrated, and I do not have any belief, and other days, I try to garner the strength to believe in something or else I can't think about going on.

What I want for all of us grieving widows and widowers is to have God embrace us and help us get through the days and nights of loneliness, and see the "big picture." I don't have or want a purpose without my husband, but I hope some day I get some sort of sign from him that he wants me to go on and stop crying and I know he wants me to face the reality of him leaving, though I know it hurts him as well because he held on to life for as long as he could because he worried about me being left alone--and I am left alone. Unlike most of you, I have a few friends, who in between their own lives, find time to comfort me and check up on me, but my family has been a disappointment and they have caused me more grief when I could use their compassion.

So, we lean on each other here because only we "get it."

God bless all, Love, Elisa, proud wife of Hugo

Jan 01, 2014
Missing the "Love of my Life"
by: Doreen UK

BJ I am sorry for your loss of your husband. You expressed feelings we all go through. I echo your story. I was married for 44yrs. and lost my husband to a deadly cancer 20 months ago. I nursed him for over 3yrs. and watched him die a slow painful death. I prayed for Healing and sat waiting for my miracle and my husband drew his last breath. I felt numb and angry with God for some time. But even this anger was a part of my grief for God knew I didn't want to be angry with Him, but I was and I couldn't deny it or pretend. God brought me through each day and still does. I can only function one day at a time. I am aware that it is God who is carrying me through life and giving me the motivation to live each day. I miss my husband More today. My grief is going through its latter stages and I guess we will feel this sorrow for some time. Living with the HOPE of seeing my husband again helps me move forward. But grief is a process and a slow Healing process. Knowing God is with us in our Pain is easier to bear our burden. You are aware of your Blessings and you count them. This is good and will help build you up. Another way of nurturing one's self from grief and feeling the arms of God holding us up. God has blessed you with family and friends and I hope that they will all support you well. This is probably our "Gethsemane" experience. Just as Jesus faced this battle of loneliness, and feeling forsaken and alone in the garden of Gethsemane. We will also. I am so happy we have a God who is touched by our sorrow and sends his Holy Spirit the "COMFORTER" to our aid. God Bless You and May you have a good New Year.

Jan 01, 2014
by: Judith in California

It's been 3 yrs 4 months since my life changed. 2 months shy of how long I was his sole caregiver. There is nothing that will take away the emptiness of "No More US". 35 1/2 years gone in a flash.
My 4th Christmas and New year without him. Time flying by but I still feel the same

Pat is right .. we learn to go on because we have no choice but life will never be the same again. We pray that God will lead us to where we need to be and when he thinks we are ready to bring some love into our lives.

No one get's it who hasn't lost a spouse. They don't get that we are alone never to get hugs and kisses, share intimacy, receive or give loving cards on special occasions. I have a sister who thinks that if she says he loves me that that is enough. It's not the same as having a special someone to belong to share your life with.

The holidays came and went with no great fanfare as when he was here. HE loved Christmastime. HE made it special for me. HE made life special for me.

He is always in my heart and I say his name several times a day but I wish I could feel his presence like some say they do with their mates. I miss "US".

Jan 01, 2014
Missing the "Love of my Life"
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

Dear BJ,
I too am missing the "Love of my Life". My husband is gone 2 1/2 years. Yes, our life is forever changed. We never truly get over the loss of our spouse. We slowly learn how to go on without them. It is not an easy journey. This is not the life I would choose, but, yes, our loving God has a plan for us. I ask God everyday to lead me and show me the way. We were blessed with 5 children. They all have families of their own. They tell me their life will never be the same, with their dad gone, yet they don't have a clue as to how my life has changed. I too miss the little things. I miss his voice, his hugs, kisses and teasing, and my cup of coffee he brought to me in the bedroom every morning. Now I have to make my own coffee. It took me 3 months before I could make a pot of coffee. I drank instant, which really sucks. I finally missed the taste of good coffee so much, I just forced myself to make it.
We do get the strength to go on; yet in the early days I just wanted to die also. A part of me went with him. I will never be happy like I was before he died. I am coping and accept that he has died. I still talk to him all the time. I truly feel he is with me. I can't see him or tough him; yet I feel he is with me.
All of us on this site truly "get it". For all of us on this site, it is a new year, but not a Happy New Year.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!