Missing the Unseen
I never saw her. She died on October 26..i was exactly 2 months old. It was 29 days till she turned 30. I never knew what killed her; some people said it was typhoid fever..some said it was a spiritual death, and others said it was from birth pains..i don't know which one to believe. I'm now almost 17; i love singing,and on the outside, i look oh so happy, when on the inside, i'm a broken and abandoned two months old baby that nobody wanted..i heard she loves singing too..from my dad. He only talks about her when i do something wrong. I don't know what it is, but i don't trust anyone..my dad, my step mom, my step sister, my cousin, nobody..i have this hidden feeling that they're fake..they're all against me..trying to pull me down.
I wish she left something behind..i wish she could appear to me in my dreams and just comfort me..i'm not a pathetic or sad person..it's just sometimes, i just wanna talk to someone..i'm known for being quiet, but i know i'm not quiet..i'm not depressed, it's just that living for almost 17 years, looking at babies play with their moms, giggle and laugh, watch my step sister and her mom argue about irrelevant things, without getting jealous is pretty lonely..i've never felt the love of a mother before..my step mom was good, as step moms are, but i didn't have great childhood memories with her..mine was full of nightmares.
I miss not having someone to talk about your heartbreaks,comparing traits, and even getting into little fights with..i really do..it feels like it's me against the world...and i have this fear that i'm gonna die young like she did..i'm really scared..i don't want my kids to go through what i go through..i don't want them to be as lonely, and boring as i am...i don't wanna die leaving the love of my life to another woman after working so hard to get him..i don't want my kids to be abused..sad, pathetic, and lonely as i grew up to be...i'm scared...