Missing you Larry 1956-2012

We were together almost 3 years. We went out on a Sunday and I found him dead on a Monday. I feel responsible, like I could have saved him. I listened to him. I did not call doctors, I should have. His death certificate says he died of alcoholism. I wish we could have been together so much longer because I loved him so much. He never gave me himself. I think he loved me but he always told me that he had been alone for 26 years...whatever that meant...I think he was still attached to the last girlfriend and did not want to let her go. I think he loved me but he couldn't let those memories go. I was a handful. He even said that. You are a handful. And I am. I can be a pain, ornery, obstinate. But I loved him with every fiber in my body. He drove a truck. He was heavyset. Brown eyes, brown hair. Not the best looking guy for sure, but to me, absolutely gorgeous. I miss him so much. I just dont know how to go on without him.

Comments for Missing you Larry 1956-2012

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Jul 28, 2012
Missing Larry
by: Beverly

I still miss Larry like crazy...but i am running throught the gamet of emotions. We were seeing each other for three years. It was three years on July 26 ( or would have been). We almost made that mark. Anyhow, I have now come to learn, through going through all of this tons of paperwork and everything that three months after we started going out, he signed up for a pen pal dating chat site for men. He wanted to meet and go out with other men. I am so blown away. I thought he only wanted me...and I am so hurt and devistated, you cant imagine. It seems like the whole relationship was a lie. He liked talking to me. He liked going to dinner with me. But he did not want to be with me. I understand now. Maybe I just was not pretty enough or whatever, but bottomline is that he did not want me. I was just good to have around to help him with things the way a good girlfriend or wife would do. Thats all. I wish I could talk more, but I am so distraught I cant. If anyone can shed light on why guys or girls do this, please help me understand because right now, I feel as though I have been thrown under the bus. Beverly

Jul 27, 2012
My Larry
by: Beverly

Thanks, John, for writing. I am missing him so badly right now. I will try to navigate the site a little bit more. These past couple of days have just been really tough. All I do is cry. I think because we did not spend a lot of time in the past year together. We had grown apart, even though we talked a lot on the phone. I just did not feel the love. And he isolated a lot and did not invite me to come over the way he used to. A couple of weeks ago, he really hurt me. He said that he would like to retire to West Virginia up in the mountains away from everyone in a cabin..and then he said with either me or another woman. It just hurt me to the core. It made me feel like I was nothing to him. But then a week before he died he told me he loved me several times. He held my hand, he looked in my eyes a lot. I dont know if that was because he knew he was sick or because he really loved me. I am just suffering. I just need him back. Yes, he was with me for the past three years. He was special looking, a big guy, someone that a lot of women would not have gone for. And I initially was not attracted to him. But I fell for him so much. I loved him so much. We were so opposite. Me - wanting to save the world - he said he was an equal opportunity hater. He hated everybody. He drank; I did not. He ate a lot; I did not. He was not healthy; I am not really either, but I sure loved and still love him. I hope he loved me. I found cards that he could not get past his old girlfriend, he missed her, he loved her. These were from years ago. I hope he was able to love me. I wish I understood the afterlife - where he might be, might be feeling or doing. Thanks for your kind words. They help.

Jul 26, 2012
Your Larry
by: John Pitts

I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing with the loss of your Larry. I am going through the same thing, in a different circumstance. You can read about my loved one passing if you look under the name Mark Carmichael. You said his death certificate determined alcoholism as his cause of passing. I can tell you this. He spent his last three years with you. Whether or not he still had feelings for someone prior or not, he was with you. One can tell how much he meant to you. You wrote quite frankly and down to earth about him. I can tell you loved him dearly. It's been three months now for me. It's not any easier. I have found myself beginning to smile with the memories instead of focusing on the end. I guess that's progress. But, as I have learned, you bounce around the stages. And, if you have anything emotional in common with me, you will bounce like a beach ball. It's all awful. Navigate this site, it will provide more insight for you. I'm not sure to say it's helped, but misery loves company, and I'd like to be your friend. I'm so sorry you had to come here, but I'm comforted to know that you came here, in three months, it's really been my only step forward: IF there is such a thing. Tell me all about Larry. My name is John.

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