Mom and Dad, Gone 14 months apart

by Ellen Marmon
(Eugene, Oregon)

This has been a hell, the past two years, almost. My beautiful Mom died in March 2011 from complications from breaking her hip, exhausted by years of Parkinson’s that NEVER let her rest, and just 6 months ago, in May 2012, we lost Dad. He never really got over losing her, and as the anniversary of her death came and went, I think he gave up.
I’ve been trying to get my life back on track, but … this week would have been Dad’s 90th birthday, Christmas Eve would have been Mom’s 80th, so we have those two birthdays with the holidays on us. The first Christmas without at least one parent, and it feels so hollow. We’ve all lost our center, our core.
So…. this week the grief has been flooding in, threatening to overwhelm, me. Christmas music, especially beautifully sung choral music, reminds me of Mom, and I start to cry. Dad loved Glenn Miller; on his birthday, I listened to his Glenn Miller CD and broke down. How long does this stuff last?? A year ago I was afraid I’d feel like this my whole life, and it started to get better … then Dad died. And now it’s Christmas, not knowing where we’ll spend it or with whom; the siblings are spread all over and we only got together for the folks.
And I’m crying as I type this. I want my life back on track; I want to be able to hear White Christmas without breaking down; I want to be able to celebrate my parents, not be so shattered by their passing. I knew we’d lose them, I knew we’d all grieve, but I didn’t know that this would be the hardest thing I have ever done.

Comments for Mom and Dad, Gone 14 months apart

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Dec 15, 2012
They are together
by: Anonymous

That is something to take comfort in-- at this beautiful time of year that your parents are together - again - now, in their perfect states. No pain, no Parkinsons, just the love.
For those of us who remain -- this is the second Christmas w/o my mother, and the tenth without my Dad (hard to believe), I wonder when/if I'll ever get over it.
I love the Christmas music, (as they did, too) and can still enjoy it on occasion, but it still isn't the same. I still cry for no reason -- or for every reason, because they're not here with me. As others have said, take comfort in being with family, in talking with them about happy times with your parents -- this does help. If you're alone, hey, there's no shame in venting, in talking out loud directly to your parents! It's ok -- you do what you have to do to heal. As long as it takes. I, too, am waiting. Crying again as I write this. You aren't alone. Some days will be better than others, and the better days will begin to outnumber the bad days. But it is just so hard to forget.
God bless you!

Dec 12, 2012
Mom and Dad, Gone 14 months apart
by: Doreen U.K.

Ellen I am sorry for your loss of your Mom and Dad within 14 months and how this is affecting your life now at this Christmas season.
You are in the stages of grief where nothing will make sense and just concentrating on who you have lost from your life will make it that more painfull with all the Christmas festivities going on and finding it difficult to take on at this moment. I have to face this also losing my husband of 44yrs. 7 months ago. I am wondering the same thing. HOW DO I GET THROUGH CHRISTMAS? How do we all get through this season and celebration? I don't know but we find a way to FOCUS. What is important is that you make new memories. Starting with NOW. Find out How you all would like to spend Christmas. If some of you siblings can come together then do so. If not. Find some other relative who may be on their own and join up together if this is possible. You can also find somone who is on their own and invite them over. Have your Mom and Dad's Photo present so you are remembering them and keeping them as part of your enjoying a good day, as best as you can. Then Build on this throughout life. Plan every other Christmas and Birthdays of your parents doing something that will HONOUR them and remember them as best as you can. I am creating a memorial garden for my husband with memories that I can go and share as if he is still HERE. NEVER FORGOTTON. My heart is breaking too. But I have to live as best as I can for others who still depend on me.
When Christmas is over. FOCUS. Your Mom and Dad were both BLESSED to live to a good long age. Then go and THANK GOD FOR THIS. You can build on the Blessings you have been given. Soon you will find that life is getting better and grieve as you need to. Cry, get angry if you need to. This is all part of grief. Then you will be able to Celebrate WHO YOUR PARENT'S WERE. You will be able to adopt the values and traditions they left you and start a new HISTORY that will include and embrace MOM AND DAD.

Dec 12, 2012
Mom And Dad, Gone 2 months apart
by: Anonymous

I recently lost my mom and dad in the past couple months, only 2 months apart, and right before Christmas makes it so much more difficult. Many times I feel overwhelmed by loneliness and sadness, but I remember that they are together as they were through out life, and God is with me every step of the way. I get through it not day by day, but hour by hour. I focus on the good times we had, which were many. And I still feel their love every minute of every day.

Dec 11, 2012
I care
by: Anonymous

I so understand. My mom died three months ago, my best friend. My two dads that shared rasing me have died in the past eight years. They were in thier 60's. All was a shock. I am 50, no family, no tradtions, no normal. I do not have much comfort to give. I can just say you are so not alone. I wish I could give you a hug and say we are going to be ok. Everyone says it takes time. I am waiting...with YOU!!!! Please no you are not alone. I care.

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