Mom and Dad, Gone 14 months apart
by Ellen Marmon
This has been a hell, the past two years, almost. My beautiful Mom died in March 2011 from complications from breaking her hip, exhausted by years of Parkinson’s that NEVER let her rest, and just 6 months ago, in May 2012, we lost Dad. He never really got over losing her, and as the anniversary of her death came and went, I think he gave up.
I’ve been trying to get my life back on track, but … this week would have been Dad’s 90th birthday, Christmas Eve would have been Mom’s 80th, so we have those two birthdays with the holidays on us. The first Christmas without at least one parent, and it feels so hollow. We’ve all lost our center, our core.
So…. this week the grief has been flooding in, threatening to overwhelm, me. Christmas music, especially beautifully sung choral music, reminds me of Mom, and I start to cry. Dad loved Glenn Miller; on his birthday, I listened to his Glenn Miller CD and broke down. How long does this stuff last?? A year ago I was afraid I’d feel like this my whole life, and it started to get better … then Dad died. And now it’s Christmas, not knowing where we’ll spend it or with whom; the siblings are spread all over and we only got together for the folks.
And I’m crying as I type this. I want my life back on track; I want to be able to hear White Christmas without breaking down; I want to be able to celebrate my parents, not be so shattered by their passing. I knew we’d lose them, I knew we’d all grieve, but I didn’t know that this would be the hardest thing I have ever done.