Mom and Dad

Well, it's Monday. Normally I would have already called and talked to you this morning. I really miss that ! Dad's birthday was Saturday and also - one of his favorite things - Kentucky Derby. We watched
I even picked the winner. It felt really empty to not be able to either watch with you or call you right after and talk about it. I feel so exhausted all the time i just can't seem to get past this huge lack of energy feeling.
Mostly i would like to sit home and watch the video of all of us. It makes me so sad that you are both gone. I can't believe it has already been a year since we found out about Dad's tumor. Nellie sent me a text first thing on Dad's birthday - she's so sweet ! I love her and the way she took care of both of you (even though she could only cook chicken and pork).
We cleared out your house last month - wow - that was hard. Splitting up most of the stuff, putting some of it in the rec room and giving away a lot to both Goodwill and Salvation Army. Nellie took a lot of the kitchen stuff and was soo happy and appreciative to have it for her kids !
I think I will go back soon - in the next couple of weeks to help get the house ready to rent.
Its nice to have some of your stuff here at my house - but it doesn't make it any easier. It usually just makes me smile a little bit. Comforting and remembering. Mom I haven't hung up the weather stick yet..... it's still in a box somewhere - but i want to do that soon. Maybe even today. That will make me grin - you loved that - cause it works ! I miss not being able to talk to you every day. I thought i was doing better with all this sadness, but today and over the weekend I felt really weird and exhausted. Maybe cause of Dad's birthday and the Kentucky Derby and the one year ago we found out. Brings back very strong and sad memories.
This year through the summer I am pretty sure I will be around home - I am excited to watch spring pop up and just to be here throughout the summer - try to enjoy it.
I feel like i am being pushed to recover from this unbelievable loss of both of you - im not ready - my body tells me that. Im getting a little better but still going through the emotions. My heart aches.