Mom Comitted suicide because of cancer

by Santhu
(bangalore. India)

It was in feb 2013 that mom was diagnosed with stage 2 invasive breast cancer.. Her left breast was removed and was treated with 3 cycles of chemotherapy. But during these process she started to act very childlike. We loved her and thus tried to make her understand that her surgery was done for her good. But she was wrongly convinced by her brothers and sisters that the masectomy was wrong. They later rejected her. Yesterday on 28*4*2013 early morning she poured kerosene and burnt herself where later she succumbed to her infected injuries. I feel guilty of showing tough love to her. My relatives told me that she assumed that me and my 13year old brother was fed up of her agony and so she killed herself. My dad is alcoholic and now none to help. All relatives are gone. I am angry and shocked after these incidents.

Comments for Mom Comitted suicide because of cancer

Click here to add your own comments

May 04, 2013
My prayers are with you
by: Sob

Dear Santhu,

Thank you for replying. I can surely understand how you feel. I have been through it and I know it's the worst thing that can happen to anyone. I never over came the feeling of loneliness. Infact I feel like the loneliest person in the entire world. My mother was my world. My day would start and end by looking at her pretty face. I never stayed with out her for more than a few weeks in my entire life. And knowing that I have to live with out her my entire life makes my heart ache and the pain is unbearable.

If you feel like crying then cry, if you feel like being sad then be sad. You have the right to grieve since your loss is like no other loss. Feeling lonely is natural since you lost your mother and no one can ever replace her. Visiting a counsellor may help. Sometimes we need someone to alleviate our pain and talking to a professional might make it easy for you.

Take care of yourself and your brother. You might not want to take care of your self but you still have to. For your mum's sake and your brother's sake. When our loved one dies we live with their memories and try to make them proud of us. May be somewhere out there she might still be watching you. And we have to live for the ones who are still there with us. I couldn't eat or talk for days after my mum died. I just couldn't. But I had to when I saw how concerned my brother was. I didn't want to add on to his problems since he himself was dealing with the same as loss as mine. Ofcourse you will miss her. You will miss her a lot. Everything will remind you of her. Even things like nail polishes remind me of my mum. We used to wear the same clothes and each dress reminds me of how she used to wear it. How I used to put make up on her. The list is endless. You will miss her your entire life. The memories will always stay. Cherish them. With time you will just learn to live with the pain.

Write back and share more with us. No one will understand your pain but here we will. I was all alone but I don't want you to be all alone. This site brings people together from different places and make them reach out for one another in their time of grief. I hope it helps you in your journey of grief. Lots of love and hugs.

May 03, 2013
Thank you!
by: santhosh

Dear Perez.. I'm really consoled by your words.. I just wanna tell you that my prayers will always be with you no matter what! Your health will be completely fine! Pray for us too..

May 03, 2013
I'm really thankful to you all
by: Santhu

Dear Sob, my heart reaches out for you! I dunno how you came out of the complete feeling of loneliness! I feel really lonely! But I buck up just to console my brother.. I really miss mom!! Even as I type this my eyes swell with tears!! :( pls pray for us sob! I've got none except magnanimous persons like you! Your words about those so called past relatives are true! Infact people like you are my true relatives!.. God bless you!

May 03, 2013
SUICIDE BECAUSE OF CANCER
by: may perez

SHANTU, I AM SO SORRY OF WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. IT'S REALLY SO SAD THAT YOUR MOMS' SIBLINGS
MIGHT BE THE CAUSE OF YOUR MOMS' DEATH. THEY PUSHED HER
TO TAKE HER OWN LIFE BY BEING MAD AT HER, BUT MOST OF ALL
SHANTU, YOU NEED TO BE STRONG AND DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU
YOU MUST PUT YOUR MOM TO REST AS SOON AS YOU CAN. I PRAY THAT YOU HAVE SOME ONE THAT CAN HELP YOU, I FEEL FOR YOU SHANTU, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU RIGHT NOW.
I'LL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND HOPE THAT YOU FIND A WAY TO
DO THE RIGHT THING.. I MYSELF HAD CANCER TWO YEARS AGO
BUT MY FAMILY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE. I AM NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET, I'LL BE SEEING MY DOCTOR IN SEPTEMBER FOR MY ONE YEAR CHECK UP.SO PLEASE IF YOU ARE SAD, IT'S OK, IF YOUR ANGRY WITH HOW THINGS ARE HAPPENING IT'S OK, IF YOU WANT TO CRY IT'S OK. MAY GOD GUIDE YOU AND HELP YOU IN YOUR TIME
OF SORROW

May 03, 2013
Santhos Never give up Hope.
by: Doreen U.K.

Santhosh Thank You for writing back. I am sorry that you have no personal support and that your brother is depressed.
I don't know if you have access to counsellors. But you can try this source and talk to a trained counsellor who will give you and your brother all the support you need.
Depression is very hard to shift and may need professional support rather earlier than later. I suffered depression and it got worse until I went into Counselling and got my life back. What you both have been through is such a terrible tragedy and loss.
With good support our grief is easier to cope with. It is only time that will bring healing. Crying is the best expression of grief and not a weakness. So if your brother cries this is good. he is expelling his sorrow and pain.
God is going to get you through your pain. But we live on earth and people need each other. Try and encourage each other this will help built you both up till you find life easier.
My best wishes. Take care and if you need more support please write back here on this site.

May 03, 2013
Mom committed suicide because of cancer
by: Sob

Dear Santhu,

I am so sorry for your loss. Like you, I too lost my mother to cancer on 11th of July last year. I know exactly how you feel and how painful this loss would be for you. My heart goes out to you.

Cancer ruins everything in its course. Its not just the patient who suffers. The family members suffer too. Cancer changes a person. I don't know how but it does. We may never understand what the patient goes through. It is worse for the one suffering from it. The same happened with your mum. But none of it is your fault. There is nothing wrong with showing tough love. You did it because you loved her and wanted her to be well again. Everyone has a different way of showing how much they care about their loved ones.

What your mum's siblings did was inhumane. I have seen what my mum's siblings did to her and now to us, so I know what it is like to have such relatives. They should have been there for your mum. They should have supported her and made her think in a positive way. But they didn't. And I can imagine how hurt you must be. Trust me, you don't need such people around you. They will make you feel miserable and add on to your problems. You have written all relatives are gone. It's a good thing they are gone and you don't have them around you anymore. They will never understand your pain.

It is hard to bear this loss all alone. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. My prayers are with you and your brother. I hope both of you find comfort in each others company. Please write back. Lots of love and hugs.

May 02, 2013
I'll never lose hope!
by: Santhosh

My only hope is god.. My brother is utterly depressed.. But I'm consoling him.. Even though I have none to physically console me! I just will never give up! Thanks for your words of consolation.. May god bless you..

Apr 30, 2013
Mom committed suicide because of cancer
by: Doreen U.K.

Santhu I am sorry for your loss of your mom to Suicide. What a cruel tragedy. Your mom should have had the support of her brother's and sister's. They were ignorant and caused your mom to take action to end her life.
Don't be angry with yourself for showing tough love. There is nothing wrong with tough Love. Your mom had cancer. Her mind and emotions were affected with this cancer. Perhaps she couldn't explain to her family what it felt like and how she felt. She wouldn't want to burden her children with Adult problems. Her siblings should have been the ones to shield, protect, and support her. I guess it is easier for the relatives to blame you and your brother. But you simply don't accept what they say.
It is such a pity you don't have a supportive father or any other relatives to take care of you. You should have had the support of family to help you with your grief.
My husband died of cancer 1yr. ago on Sunday. He was a placid good man. But cancer changed his personality and he became a different man. He acted out of character. This is what cancer does to the body. Especially when having Chemotherapy. So don't blame yourself for what your mom did. She must have realised her family were against her and did not support her and with her suffering she probably had enough and so ended her life in a weak moment. She wouldn't have had a chance to think of you and your brother. Her cancer would have consumed her mind and her act was one of desperation.
I am so terribly sorry for the place you are in right now. May God comfort you and your brother in your sorrow and grief. You need to write back and let us know on this site that you and your brother are O.K. since you have no support.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!