Mom, Dad & my Sister died within 1 year of each other!

by Celia
(KwaZulu Natal)

My sister died on the 4th December 2008 ... then on the 31st December 2008, my dad died and then on the 21st December 2009 my mom died ... it's the 14th November 2011 today and I started crying for them! I didn't grieve and spent the last 2 years in SHOCK (I think) ... I withdrew from everything and everyone! I even shut my entire family-in-law out of my life ... I couldn't speak to them on the phone & my loving husband went to visit them on his own & when he was with his family, I would break out in the most aweful anger and rages and cause the most incredibly horrible fights with him! I hated them and him for having the love and fun with each other! I was jellous of what they had! My sisters death was unexpected and because of a family fight, I didn't see her for 2 months and then she was dead! I got there to late to say goodbuy! My dad I saw the day before he died in the hospital ... he'd been ill for a while & I knew he wouldn't last much longer and promised him that I would take care of my mom! Then my mom moved in with me & I had to be strong for her (they were married for 53 years) & because I didn't understand grief (never experienced it before), I didn't know what to do or say to her or myself & after 3 months I phoned her best friend to fetch her, because we were fighting all the time! (my mom had a back operation 1 month before my dad died - so she was in physical and emotional pain, and I just didn't know what to do!)
So off she went ... I chucked her out!!! I only saw her once in June 2009 and then I was impatient with her and then one morning on the way to work, my phone rang and it was from her cell phone! I didn't answer because I was busy driving & I didn't want to speak to her either ... but when I got to work, I decided to return her call! My moms neighbor answered my moms cell phone & simply said to me: "Your mom is dead" !!!
I phoned my husband and drove to her home - he was there before me and her best friend was also there! I didn't see her again !!! We had the memorial service ... we packed up her house (people going through her cupboards like scavengers, looking for treasures - just chucking out JUNK) ... I felt so betrayed ... so empty, that I couldn't even stop this from happening !!! There was no respect for our mother and I joined in with all these fucking horrible people, crushing her memory !!! I couldn't help myself ... it was almost an out of body experience (difficult to explain) !!!
I didn't grieve for my sister or dad and here my mom was dead ... I shut down completely ... this is the VERY FIRST TIME that I'm writing about it ... feeling it ... and it hurts like hell ... (words are so empty) !!!
I feel incredible GUILT and SHAME for how I treated her when she was still alive and even how I treated her memory !!!
I loved her more than life itself - although we had a very rocky relationship all these years ... she was my life and now she's gone ... I have nobody !!! Who do I phone when my heart is broken (like now) ... who will give me a kiss to make my headache better ... I will never feel her soft hand on my cheek or stroking my hair ... I will never hear her voice again ... I will never smell her again ... she's just some ashes in a bottle in my art room ... I will never have to opportunity to appologise for my shitty behaviour before and after her death ... my head feels like it's going to burst, just thinking about it ... I not only broke a promise to my dad, but I let my own selfishness and pride stand in the way of me spending my moms last year with her !!!
What an arse I am ... what a numbnut ... how will I ever be able to forgive myself for what I've done !!! I don't see how this will ever be possible !!!

This means nothing now ... but I Love You Mom and you dad and Runel ... I miss you so much and I'm so VERY VERY VERY VERY SORRY for my stupidity and pride and selfishness !!! I love you all and thank you for giving me the love and support you did all these years !!! I can't believe that I didn't love you more ... I'm sorry for that too ... I'm sorry for all the dissapointments I brought into your lives, the hurts and the pain ... I am so sorry for being born - you deserved a much better daughter than I ever was or could ever hope to have been ... I AM SO SORRY !!!

Comments for Mom, Dad & my Sister died within 1 year of each other!

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Oct 06, 2014
Life feels empty
by: Anonymous

I lost my sister in a car crash 5 years ago, my father passed away with heart problems. My relationship with my mother is difficult, we are not close. I have had a bad relationship, my ex husband was an alcoholic and is causing me problems now. My life is hard at the moment. I'm living day to day hoping things will get better I'm lonely and sad.
But I still have hope, I'm fighting and believe things can improve.
-----------------------------

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Feb 10, 2013
COOKIE
by: JOE G

MY DAD DIED IN 2008. MY MOM DIED IN 2011 MY WIFE WAS KILLED IN A CAR CRASH IN 1996 EVERYTHING I LIVED FOR GONE. IM SO SAD. I HAVE A BROTHER BUT AFTER MOM DIED WE HARDLY TALK. I FEEL THERE IS NO ONE LEFT.I KNOW SOME DAY EVERY IS ALONE THATS LIFE.IM SO SICK OF DEATH I FEEL THAT GOD IS PUNISHING ME FOR SOME REASON I WAS NEVER A BAD PERSON IN LIFE.WELL THERE IS REALLY NO ONE TO TAKE BUT ME.I DONT GO TO NONE OF THE GRAVES
I WISH I COULD START ALL OVER.I TELL PEOPLE ENJOY YOUR FAMILY WHILE THERE HERE DONT LET THE LITTLE THING PUT YOU APART. IT DONT MEAN NOTHING IN THE END.I CHANGE MY LIFE. BUT THERES ONLY ONE THING THERES NO ONE TO CHANGE IT FOR.BELIEVE IT OR NOT IM USED TO BEING ALONE I DONT WANT TO MEET ANYONE IN THIS PART OF MY LIFE. MAYBE SOME DAY THERES A REASON FOR THINGS THAT HAPPEN.I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME.MY DAD TOLD ME BEFORE HE DIED
HE SAID SON THE DEAD ONLY KNOW ONE THING ITS BETTER TO BE ALIVE.DONT EVER TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED ITS SHORTER THAN YOU THINK YOU WILL SEE WHEN YOU GET OLDER AFTER WE ARE GONE.AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING IT DID'T SINK IN UNTIL FIVE YEARS AFTER HE DIED.THEY NEW ALOT MORE THAN WE THINK.

Dec 16, 2011
Life
by: Tina in Chicago

I knew the moment I began to read your letter it would be filled with guilt, anger and anguish. First, begin today to ask for forgiveness from your Mom, Dad, Sister, yourself, and God. Be ready to receive it!!! You have a unique opportunity to have the relationship you wanted with your dead loved ones with your husband and your in-laws. Don't let the fact that you don't share a blood line mean you can't experience the kind of relationship you missed with your family. God is giving you a second chance. Don't miss it. Start now to have a spiritual relationship with your loved ones that are gone, they are close by and you can build upon the love that still lives.

Good Luck to you; you can do it.

Nov 14, 2011
May you have Peace
by: Anonymous

No one is perfect. Just remember no matter what your Mom, Dad and sister loved you. Remember the good times that y'all shared and pray for peace for them and for you. Embrace the ones around you and learn from your past. Remember that you are loved and do not forget the ones that are still with you.

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