Mom died, then Daddy died exactly six weeks later............

It took me several seconds to decide whether to post in the 'lost Mom' page or the 'lost Dad' page. I have a loving husband of 20 years, but I'm still lost. I'm a Mom, a Stepmom and a Nana myself, but I feel like a lost child.

I'm an elected official in my town. It's been so hard carrying on with my official duties, presenting a strong face to the world, making myself get up, dressed and ready for the public when all I want to do is curl up in the bedcovers and cry, then crashing when it's over from the sheer physical effort of putting on the 'public' face.

I run a dog rescue that specializes in puppies. When you do that, you're going to lose a lot. I KNOW the 'death cry'. The night before my Mom died, she went through almost 2 hours of the death cry. Hospice was doing everything they could, I was holding her hand, wiping her face with a cool cloth, and (God forgive me!) praying that she would go... just go !.... and be relieved of the pain!

Mom died of Dementia. Many with dementia get combative and mean. We had proof positive of my Mom's inborn nature as during the progression of the disease she just became sweeter, tinier and more precious. She was only 5'2" and 120 lbs. So tiny. So fragile. So very, very precious. Even when we were having to hurt her at the end to help with impacted bowels, turning her in the bed, working with the bed sores, all we had to do was talk softly to her, then we'd get a tiny little 'thank you' or 'I love you too'.

I'm stuck, I think, in the middle of the shock and depression. I want my Mama. I need to giggle with her and hold her close.