Mom forever

by Inna shikhris
(Southampton pa USA )

I've lost my precious 37 years old son suddenly from a cardiac arrest, December 4th 2013. I cannot believe that my happy ,healthy, smart energetic son Mark is gone forever. He is my only child and all my life was revolved around him. I was a hand on mom all his life, and now I feel like lost my future and my perspective . Why go on.,? I keep asking God, myself, and have no answer .it's the most difficult I ever have to go trough .i cannot settle in my mind that Mark is dead ,I keep thinking he moved away.He had no children, only a fiancé , he was going to get married this year, he had a very kind big heart, help everyone ,loved animals, cherish all his heart is broken and have no reason to get up in the morning.

Comments for Mom forever

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Mar 21, 2014
Grieving Mom
by: Leticia Blancarte Hughes

I'm so very sorry about hearing the loss of your son. I too loss my beloved son at the age 37 yrs. he was a single father of 5 and raised these wonderful children with so much faith and great values. I loss my son on Sept 14, 2012. I woke him up and he got ready and off he went to work. He work for the City of Los Angeles as. 1st inspector for the safety of children. He was such a great single father and a great son, grandson, nephew and brother. He was my first born. That morning he never made it to work. He had a heart attack on the fwy and rolled his suburban several times and ended face up in his car. I didn't get the news until 3:30 pm after work on my way home. Someone that stopped before the CHP stole his wallet and his cell phone was crushed. The corner could barely make out a phone number and it was my ex husband cell phone. Jimmy was such a devoted dad. He always spend time with his children and had them in sports and he was involved in school events, you name it and he was there for his children. When I got this horrible news I felt as I died with him. The pain in my heart was unbearable. I kept asking god WHY ?? Why not me. It's been almost 2 years and I still cry and wish I could have been the one to go not my wonderful son. My grandchildren are doing so much better with all the help of my family. I pray everyday and night for him and the grand babies to heal. I know none of us wants to be in this horrible club. I do have the faith in god and I know I'll be with him again. I still get very emotional. I feel as if on a emotional roller coaster. No one can ever know the pain we have in our hearts and we will never be the same again. God bless you and my prayers go out to you and to all parents that have loss there child. All I have is faith and hope that I will see him again when it's my time to go. God bless you. Grieving Mom

Jan 16, 2014
One goes and one comes
by: Doreen UK

Carol you are still having a bad time with grief that still feels so raw. You are in the worst place ever that a mom can be. Have you tried talking to a counsellor? It does help if you get the right person. Just when I think I am moving forward I feel so upset and alone with grief. I have lost motivation to do anything in the last two weeks. But I am not fighting it. I am letting whatever I feel have it's day till it passes. I wish I could be with you in person to offer you personal support. Often this is what most of us need. One to one support from those who know and understand. Grief is such an uphill struggle that causes one to lose energy. I am so fed up each day feeling as I do. Having a focus in life helps. I can't focus on my husband who I lost 20 months ago from cancer. But when memories come back this assaults me. I guess you feel the same way. To lose a child/adult child is the worst experience one can ever go through. I know I couldn't cope with this. Try and get some support for yourself NOW. It may just help to quell your grief for a while and help you move forward even if this is only one day at a time. I pray to God that YOU AND ALL OF US ON THIS SITE. Has better days ahead.

Jan 15, 2014
One goes and one comes
by: Carol Saure

July 31,2011 I awoke a 3 am with a feeling that I should go into my Son's room. I got up and as I got to my door I instead turned around and went back to bed. We were to wake him up a 7am to go t the hospital while our granddaughter was having a C-Section. When I got up to wake Nathan he was dead. He overdosed on pain med. he had. I scramed and went into a state of shock which I feel I will never get over. Each day is a day of intense grief and suffering. The only thing that keeps me from doing the same is the fear of awakening somewhere and he is nowhere to be found. He was my baby and I lost twins prior which took 40 years to get past. He bought us a beautiful new home and paid for it in full. Now it is as a large empty tomb. My Pain is so bad I can hardly breathe... thanks for listening, Carol

Jan 14, 2014
mom forever
by: Anonymous--MI

Inna and all grieving the loss of your loved one. My husband also died of SCA in Nov 2012 and I too wish that I could take all our heartache away; stop the tears and total anguish. I am so sorry for everyone on this site. Only God can show us the way to travel this road of grief. It will and is taking a very long time; we will not get over this but we pray to get through it--one day at a time and with God's mercy and love.

Jan 14, 2014
To Mom forever
by: Doreen UK

Lorraine I am sorry for your loss of your beloved son Brad to 5 cancers. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to Lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. A cancer that takes 40yrs. to develop and there is no remission from. It is terminal. When asbestos is cut the fibres lodge in the lungs and takes between 40-60yrs. to develop. My husband was spot on for 40yrs. Just ready to retire within 2yrs. and died after working for 47yrs. It isn't fair for a man to work all his life HARD and then to die before he gets HIS TIME. I nursed him for over 3yrs. and it was the worst experience of my life.
I am sorry that your son did not get time to live his life either. But as you say you will see Brad Again. I believe also in the afterlife and know I will see my husband again. This gives one the HOPE to carry on living.
I am glad you are going to counselling. Often used in the loss of a child/adult child. Grief is a process that can't be rushed. But in many cases if one is numb, in denial, and stuck in grief and can't move forward counselling works well. But it takes time. don't expect to feel better immediately. You may feel worse before it gets better. I persevered in counselling and it was the best investment I ever made. I would not have coped with the loss of my husband had I not had counselling. It worked to give me back my life in ways that has Healed ME. But it took time. Persevere and don't give up! Best wishes.

Jan 14, 2014
One grieving Mother to another
by: Anonymous

I understand your grief.

I lost my only son August of 2013, to sudden cardiac death also. No cues before hand.

People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad. (Proust)


Jan 13, 2014
to Mom forever
by: Lorraine

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear Son, Mark. It's not fair we parents have to bury our children. We lost our dear Son, Brad on Nov. 23 2013 after almost a 2 year battle with 5 cancers. He never even once had a remission without pain. I ask why he had to suffer so much & here I still am & he is gone. He was only 54 years old & had so much to live for yet. It's so hard to live without them, but we must go on I guess. We will always have this sadness I am sure - our lives are changed forever, I know mine is. We have signed up for Grief counselling for next week, I hope it helps us. We talked to our Priest soon after my Son's death & it helped a little, but not as much as I had hoped. I hope this counselling will have some affect. I will keep you in my prayers that you will find some peace & not so much heartache. I know it's hard, but I guess we have to go on. My Son knew he was dying & told me that I would have to go on without him, but I told him I didn't think I could. I cry every day for him & talk to him as if he is there - that seems to help me. I believe in the afterlife & God & believe that we will see them again. What a glorious day that will be. Hugs to you, dear friend. Lorraine

Jan 13, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

My heart breaks with yours. I lost my 39 yr old son nov 2012
My heart is still broken. I do have other children, I go on for them because I think I could just quit it hurts so bad and leaves you so lost !
I'm truly sorry,your only child,I reach out to you with a genuine hug for your sorrow. It will be so hard but you were his wonderful mom and he would want you to find a way to go on.
Your love will always be. Take one day at a time,some will be so horrid,you may scream. Some may be not as hard and you may wonder why ,you will be confused. ...And shattered but you can come back together to someone who is different but always his mom. My heart goes out to you in this deep loss.

Jan 13, 2014
Dear Inna,
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to read your heartbreaking post. My father also suffered cardiac arrest and died suddenly last January. I am an only child. I truly understand the bond between only children and their parents, and my heart breaks for you. My father was my everything - and I saw him almost every single day. I miss him terribly, and I will never get over this loss. Please take time to be kind to yourself. It is a slow process, but it seems that somehow, each day gets a bit easier. This website has really helped me get through the worst of my grief, and I hope you find some comfort and peace from all who post here. Wishing you better days ahead, Barb

Jan 13, 2014
Mom forever
by: Doreen UK

Inna I am so sorry for your loss of your only son Mark to a sudden death. I can understand fully how you feel and your reason for not wanting to go on in life. This is the worst pain and hurt you will ever go through. I lost my husband to cancer 20 months ago and I was in disbelief for a long time. I couldn't function for 6 months and I took to the couch and just watched endless TV to block out the pain. The pain of losing a close loved one is the worst pain ever. Even after 20 months I still think my husband is away on a job overseas. I have this URGENT need to see him. I have had 2 weeks of lack of motivation and not wanting to do anything. I used to feel this way some days and then get back my motivation. Watching TV tonight it brought it all back as a trigger when one of my favourite actresses has breast cancer and she said she is scared and she wrote on a piece of paper "I don't want to die." and I felt the pain I went through with my husband dying slowly of cancer over 3yrs. I nursed him and it all comes back. My mother died of a heart attack 10yrs. ago and this is also a trigger. I have been feeling unwell for the past 3 days. I didn't think to take my blood pressure. When I did it was so high I was getting worried. I don't want to have a stroke and be a burden to my daughter. I would rather die quickly or in my sleep. Grief is felt so much in one's body that I hurt all over. Inna the best way forward is ONE DAY AT A TIME. I don't think beyond today. Life just stopped the day my husband died. I guess we all feel this way for a long time. I hope you have family and friends to help walk with you through your grief as this support would be a great help to you. When one is alone and isolated grief is harder to bear. I have one son who is 45yrs. tomorrow and he walked away after the funeral. 2 daughter's who are nearby. But for you it must be so hard to lose your only child. Reach out to God and let Him carry your pain. This is our only Hope and Comfort from our grief. Because Sorrow is often too much to bear. May God Comfort you and give you His Peace.

Jan 13, 2014
to: Mom Forever - Loss of your son, Mark
by: Elisa

I am so sorry; they say it is the most difficult thing in life to bury your child before you pass; it something you never think about. I have no children, but I lost my husband, my one true love, and I know and feel your pain.

I wish I had words of comfort; all I can say is tht somehow we get up in the morning, go to bed at night and in between we cry, think, remember, cry some more and then night comes and we can forget the pain for a little while if we are lucky enough to sleep a little.

I wish I could make a miracle come true for us all: bring our loved ones back to us, but we all know that is up to God, and I don't believe that's His plan, but our loved ones are not here bodily, but their spirits are with us always.
They are with God, happy, not in pain, and watching over us, they all are one star above; I picked mine and I look at it every night--it is my husband. Your Mark is up there too.

Love, Elisa

Jan 13, 2014
Mom forever
by: Michelle

Most of us here know exactly how you feel and the day to day torment of just getting out of bed each day. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. After the loss of my 22 year old daughter I often ask myself and even ask her what is my purpose now. Life without her is not life, just a prison sentence.
I do have a son and a granddaughter though they do not live close. Megan told her brother that Xocial was here for a reason and I believe that reason was to save him and myself.
She was my whole life and just the other day i lied in bed all day and wished to be with her. Hold on tight, remind yourself to breath and force yourself to eat. Hugs

Jan 13, 2014
your son
by: Anonymous

Yes I lost my 31 year old son suddenly last spring. There were many months I didn't care if I lived or I didn't. I have two other adult children. But I don't have the same closeness with them. I miss my son so much. But there are others in your life that would be saddened if you died. So you have to hang in there. Volunteer, or get involved with something you've always wanted to do. We don't really have a choice. I go to a group, Compassionate Friends, it does help. It'll get easier, but as they say you'll never really get over it. He would want you to be happy and get on with your life.

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