mom gone after cancer battle

by brandy trca nee tait
(vancouver bc)

my mom was 74 when she passed.
My mom passed away May 23 2014. She had battled cancer for the past 5 years, and seemed to be doing well, despite losing her bladder 3 years ago.
Then, suddenly, she had a stroke. I was in week 5 of healing after donating a kidney, so luckily I was still on leave. It was super hard, she suffered brain damage, and was not herself. Still, they were going to send her home as apart from the stroke she was fine. They said she would need extra support at home, and my brother would HAVE to stop having her babysit his kid. All of this started late March 2014.
Then they did a MRI scan, and found that she had a tumor. They put her on a list for a bed in neurosurgery and had her transferred and operated on pretty fast. The ward was fine, we sat with her as much as we could. She was confused and scared, but, we tried to keep her calm. The surgeon said the tumor was cancer. She was there for a week, I went to sit with her twice a day. They had to restrain her sometimes, and sedate her. It was horrible.
No one could tell us how bad it was, or if she would recover at all. Eventually we found out the cancer was in her lungs and lymph nodes. She did get a bit better and didn’t have to be restrained again. But she wasn’t herself. It was so hard. She was such a proud woman, to see her like that, in diapers, and scared, and then childlike. I was strong, keeping her happy and reliving memories she enjoyed. It made me realize how well I knew her. I rallied the family, we brought her treats and kept our visits short enough to not tire her, and as often as we could so she wasn’t too alone. But then we had to decide what to do, keep trying to treat her? Start chemo? She was too out of it to understand she was terminal, and the treatment would have been painful and she couldn’t understand. We decided to not do any treatment.
They then moved her to hospice care. She had a lovely room. it was so very hard to see her like that, and I knew she would not have wanted to prolong that. still, it was horrible.
We had mothers day with her, she was happy, we all shared take out in her room. I asked her for motherly advice, she said, run away. Most of the time she was more like what I guess she was like at 12 or even younger. She got mixed up a lot in her stories, but could surprise you with how with it she was at times. The worst part was when she begged to go home.
My birthday was may 17, we saw her that long weekend, and she was very with it. she said she felt a great deal of love from everyone and was emotional about it. she was happy. She said she knew she was dying. They took her to church, and my brother was so happy, he thought this was sign she was getting better. I knew it was probably her last good and clear time, that this was more likely a sign the end was coming soon. It was hard, but I tried to be happy for her.
She went into a coma like state that Monday, and passed away on Friday. I had spent the night in her room that Wednesday, and all day Thursday with her. I went home and was back asap Friday.
It was so hard. It was not peaceful. She moaned, cried out, but couldn’t talk. She reached out for people.
I sang to her, sat with her, and did what I could. About n11ish I called my brother and family, told them to get there soon. She passed at 330pm that afternoon.
I still miss her, and I can’t explain how hard it is. But, if you’ve been here, you know. I just want her back. Just one more talk, just one more day.

Comments for mom gone after cancer battle

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Jul 25, 2014
Such a brave lady
by: Debi

My Dear Brandy, I certainly know how you feel. I lost my beloved mother very suddenly without any warning also in May on 17th, your birthday. When you say you just want her back, just one more talk, just one more day I am with you all the way. There are never enough, hours days, months or years in this lifetime to be with the ones we love. Your wonderful mother sounds so brave and you and your brother gave her such incredible support. Your mom certainly did the world a huge favour by bringing you and your brother into it. I believe when your mum was reaching out that she could see those who have passed before coming to see her through the journey with unconditional love. There are no words that come even close to comforting you through your loss. I know that very well. Try and find some peace in the fact that your mum was able to tell you how much love she felt and cliche though it sounds love cannot be destroyed ever. Your mum is without pain in a better place not very far from wherever you are now, watching over her lovely family.
Speak to her in death as you would in in life because death is only physical, the spirit lives on and she hears you and knows everything. When your time come she will be there for you Brandy and you can hold each other once more. I wish you a life of peace, love and happiness XX

Jul 24, 2014
mom gone after cancer battle
by: Doreen UK

Brandy I am so sorry for your loss of your mother to this dreadful disease of cancer. The cancer battle is such a difficult uphill struggle that affects the whole family. The whole family is involved in the disease, how it develops and what support to offer. But to sit with your loved one whilst they are slowly dying from this disease is one of the most difficult experiences to go through.
I nursed my husband of 44yrs. through the rare and deadly cancer which grew inside him for 40yrs. from first cutting asbestos in the workplace. His cancer was incurable, inoperable, aggressive and terminal. He did not want to die and my heart broke whilst I cared for him. He died 2yrs. ago on May 5th. 2012. We will take a long time to get over the dreadful cancer journey, and then losing them to this crushing disease. Life is never the same when we start losing our loved one's. Nothing, or NO ONE can ever fill this VOID. The best way forward is by TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME.

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