MOM I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!

by SUSAN MCGEHEE
(SHELBYVILLE, KY, )

ON MARCH 31ST, MY MOM DIED, SHE HAD LIVED WITH ME AND AMY HUSBAND FOR SEVERAL YEARS. I AM REALLY HAVING A HARD TIME DEALING WITH IT. I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING, NOT EVEN GOING TO WORK. I RAN OUT OF TIME AT WORK WHILE SHE WAS SICK. SEVERAL PEOPLE I WORK WITH THINK THAT I SHOULD BE GETTING OVER IT. THEY SAY YOU (I) NEED HELP. I FEEL LIKE HALF OF MY HEART IS GONE. MY MOM WAS MY BEST FRIEND. I AM LOST WITHOUT HER. I HAVE TWO BROTHERS THEY HURT TO BUT THEY DIDN'T LIVE WITH HER. I SEE HER EVERYWHERE. GOING HOME HURST SO BAD. ALL I DO AT NIGHT IS STAY ON THE COUCH AND CRY. I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITH OUT MY MOM AND I CAN'T SEE THAT. I HAVE A SON AND TWO BEAUTIFUL GRAND BABIES I NEED TO BE ABLE TO GO ON FOR THEM AND MY HUSBAND BUT I CAN'T GET PASSED MY HURTING. I HURT SO BAD THAT I CAN'T HARDLY MOVE OR BREATHE. HOW DO PEOPLE GET OVER SUCH A LOSS?

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Jun 21, 2012
ANONYMOUS (MY MOM DIED IN MARCH TOO)
by: SUSAN

I AM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOM, I UNDERSTAND. I WANT TO TALK TO MY MOM ALSO, AND AM STILL I GUESS IS A STATE OF SHOCK. I HAVE LOST A LOT OF PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME. IT IS ALWAYS HARD, BUT LOOSING MY MOM HAS HIT ME THE HARDEST. I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS, I PRAY ONE DAY I CAN LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT, BECAUSE SHE WOULD WANT ME TO. OUR MOM'S WOULD WANT US TO GO ON AND LIVE A GOOD LIFE, AND BE HAPPY. THEY WOULDN'T WANT US TO BE SO SAD. I KNOW IT IS VERY HARD BUT WITH GOD'S HELP WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS. MOM'S ARE VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE THEY ARE OUR BEST FRIENDS. I LOST MY DAD VERY YOUNG SO I DO NOT HAVE HIM IN MY LIFE EITHER. HANG IN THERE THERE WILL BE BETTER DAYS, WE BOTH WILL FIND JOY AGAIN AND BE AT PEACE ONE DAY WITH OUR LOSS.

Jun 21, 2012
Confused. In my 40's any advise welcome
by: Doreen England U.K.

Dear anonymous lady in 40's and confused.
There are so many things going on in your world right now.
You lost your mum when you thought, and she thought she would come through the operation. This is a sudden death.
You can't talk to your father. Your father can't be alone and needs someone.
You don't want another Mom in your home at all. You want your Mum back. This is understandable. Separate each issue. Put it on paper. Try to resolve each issue individually. If you can't. Take this paper to a bereavement counsellor and work with them to help you resolve each issue as best as you can. I said in another blog that it takes a death to bring up other unresolved issues that one has to grapple with on top of a loss and so it causes battles that we wish we could shut the door on. I had a volcano inside me. IT ERUPTED. I couldn't separate each issue. I was an angry mess. It went badly wrong for me. This space would not allow me to write my story as it was too long so had to abandon the idea.
You are not wrong to not want another woman in the home as if replacing your mother. It is understandable don't invite guilt in here. Be true to how you feel. It has to do with TIMING. You need to take yourself out of the situation e.g. saying to your father. "I am grieving for my mother right now and I don't know how long it will take" "But till then I am not ready to meet or invite into my life another woman right now" "But Dad I wish you every happiness" "You deserve to be happy" This will diffuse any anger that may come your way because you feel that you are responsible to help your father through his grief. You will be allowing yourself the space to do what you need to do for yourself.
It is often not knowing what to say that can cause difficulty. We then feel we want to push people away. TIMING IS EVERYTHING. In time you may find the new woman in your father's life will be an assett and not an irritation at the moment you are grieving the loss of your mother. I hope this information helps and that you will be able to feel happier and less confused and be able in time to be gentle with yourself whilst you grieve.
Also to everyone. CHOOSE CAREFULLY YOUR SUPPORT. otherwise the wrong people can cause irritation and cause you more grief on top of the grief you are going through right now. Best wishes to everyone.

Jun 19, 2012
My mom died in march too
by: Anonymous

My mom had cancer surgery beginning of march. Everything went well then her lungs started getting fluid. She went on a ventilator. More complications. We had to make a decision to take her off machines as that was her wish. Hardest day of my life to watch my mother pass away. It still feels like a dream, she was so positive going into surgery and was sure she would be fine. I want to talk to her so bad she was always there for me. I never was close to my dad, now I feel pressure to be there for him. I have trouble talking to him. He informed us he has started to see someone. He can't be alone. I want him to be happy but I feel so sad. I just want my mom back and ther shouldn't be another woman in my moms house, am I wrong to feel like this!!! Very confused right now. I have never lost anyone close to me yet which has been very fortunate as I am in my 40's. Any advise welcome.

Jun 12, 2012
Loss of Mum's
by: Doreen England U.K,

My heart goes out to you all hurting from the loss of your mother's/parent
I am angry at the people who tell you that you have to get over it. The pain of losing a mother or loved one is indeed a pain that you can't express and obviously the people who think you should get over it or as I am told to celebrate my husband's life have not a clue what they are talking about and just wait till they experience a loss they will have to come and apologise for their tactless remarks.
To all grieving at this time and can't see past their pain PLEASE GET BEREAVEMENT COUNSELLING. This organization is set up to support those who can't cope with the loss of a loved one. When someone can't move forward from the pain they need outside support and help to cope and they can get past the pain with the correct support.
My sister lost her son to suicide. His medication caused suicidal feelings and he threw himself in front of an express train 5 years ago and my sister went mad with grief. Outside help via counselling and bereavement support helped her so much she is a different person today. She won't ever forget her loss but she is a very caring and sensitive person and is now helping me get over the loss of my husband 5 weeks ago. Steve died of cancer and I nursed him for 3 years and 39 days and I still have his suffering in my head so cannot celebrate his life till the memories come back. I will know if and when I need bereavement counselling and I will go if I have to. I ignore those people who think I should not be suffering I won't share my feelings with them. Choose your support carefully otherwise insensitive people can cause you more grief.

Jun 11, 2012
MARCH 28TH
by: SUSAN

AS YOU CAN TELL MY MIND IS REALLY GONE RIGHT NOW. MY MOM DIED MARCH 28TH.

Jun 11, 2012
i can relate
by: Anonymous

My beautiful precious mother died 14 months ago 13 days after being told she had ovarian cancer. Now both my parents are gone both died of cancer. My mother lived with me since my father died nine years ago. If one more person tells me to move on or get over it i am going to scream. I was an only child and unmarried. I am struggling am on many antidepressants and antianxiety medications me who never took anything stronger than asprin. I visit the cemetary every day and hide that from my extended family because even that i am being told is mot normal. well i guess i am not normal. I miss her every single second i feel like my heart is being torn out. She suffered a painful and horrible death the images are etched in my brain. I never ever left her side when she was dieing i literally never left her hospital room for 13 days. I was not going to let her die by herself. I am lost without her. Yes i go to work because i have to. i put on a fake smile and hide my true feelings. Why can't people just except me maybe i will never be ok everyone wants the old me back but that person is buried with my parents. They all think they are helping but in reality what is happening is i am starting to push them away because i don't want to hear how i should think, feel act.....i go home to an empty house each day hoping it is a bad dream and that she is waiting for me as she eagerly did each day...my biggest fan advocate and support system jyst stolen from me i am still in total shock just take it one day at a time

Jun 11, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Victoria

I, too, lost my mom. You certainly know what the word "loss" means, as you lose a part of yourself. Please know this. Your mom did not slip through the hand of God. Her birth, her life and her passing, was all orchestrated by God. You have to go through the grieving process. It hurts. I know. Count your blessings, one by one. Rejoice in your life, and your grandchildren. Your mom was very blessed to have you as her daughter. You are loved more than you will ever know.

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