Mom I Miss You So Much
(Boca Raton, Florida USA)
My mother passed away this past July 6th, 2012. She was my best friend and my everything. She was a beautiful and very strong woman. She was diagnosed with cancer two years ago following a heart attack. Prior to that my mother NEVER had any health problems. At 75 years of age, she mowed her own lawn, maintained the pool, cleaned her house, cooked, worked full time and was very active - she certainly put me to shame... She drove a little sports car. When she visited me, she'd begin picking up around my house, which I didn't mind. She looked years younger than her age. We were always mistaken for sisters. She lived a clean lifestyle - ate well, did not drink, was physically fit and loved to shop.
She fought the cancer tooth and nail. She went through rounds of chemo that robbed so much of her energy. But she was a trouper. Although she responded well to chemo, the cancer spread to her brain. (Her mother died of brain cancer at the age of 42 - my mom was her youngest child and was only 4 years old.) Radiation was next. She toughed that out too. Funny thing is... the cancer did not take her life. The day she arrived for a radiation treatment in the hospital, while my brother was parking the car, she blacked out and fell while walking in the hall. The doctors said she had a stroke and she immediately received treatment. We thought she was at the right place at the right time. Within 3 hours, she was speaking to us and was just a little wobbly on her feet. The hospital admitted her to ICU so that they could keep an eye on her. She was in good spirits and said she just wanted to go home.
She was transferred from ICU within a few days. Slowly she began speaking less. By the time the hospital released her, she was no longer speaking, just nodding her head. Long story short... We took her home and then within days, back to another hospital closer to her home where she remained in ICU for over a week and died.
I miss her so much. We spoke on the phone every day. She lived right around the corner. I shared every detail of my life with her... my kid's problems, husband problems, job problems, etc. We did everything together. Part of me has died inside. She is on my mind every day. When my father passed away unexpectedly of a heart attack in 1994, within days he came to me in a very vivid dream and told me he was alright. I am still waiting for my mother to come to me in a dream, but she hasn't. I was raised in a devout Catholic family. Went to Catholic school and to church every Sunday. I want so bad to know that my mom is OK - that she is with her parents, her siblings and my father. My sister and I now say that we're orphans. I never thought I'd be an orphan. I always thought my parents would be around for a very long time. Mom if you by any chance read this, please know that I didn't tell you very often but I love you very much and miss you more than you know, and can't wait to see you again. Rest in peace Mama.