Mom I need you

by Nxylay
(Hollywood fl)

I lost my mom when I was 7 I'm 31 now and her death has impacted my life greatly, sometimes I wonder how it would be if you were alive when my mom passed away I was basically bounced around living with different relatives I've never felt loved when your living with someone that's not your mom that has there own kids you get treated very differently my dad was never around much I basically lost contact with him or better yet he lost contact with me so I've always felt all alone my whole life I had nobody but God to ever depend on my moms death has impacted me in ways that I cope with life I have trouble keeping people close to me I always find a way to avoid situations I'm married I have a baby on the way and I've notice I've been thinking of my mom more and more each day I thought by now after all these years the pain would stop it doesn't at least for me it hasn't I sometimes feel like I'm so alone no one gets me I don't know how after all these years I'm still standing

Comments for Mom I need you

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Dec 25, 2015
Mom I need you
by: Doreen UK

Nyxlay, when we are grieving our souls get assaulted by much guilt and the onslaught of what we think we should have done better. I think this is just part of our emotional make up which should soon pass in time, unless we have deep rooted fears and guilt that assault us until we deal with this and try to resolve what we can.
I know it is a very daunting experience opening up to a counsellor and baring your soul to them. First you have to find the right counsellor you can feel comfortable with. You then begin to build up trust as you open up your feelings. A counsellor works at a deep level to bring things up to the surface that we may have repressed and it is this grief work that needs professional support and not something we can do ourselves. I have done this grief work even late in life in my 40's and is the best thing I ever did for myself. I have been able to resolve those things locked up which affected my behaviour which is so different now, and which is why many people want to change and can't because of what they can't see clearly needs changing and affecting behaviour in every day to day life and does affect the people around them. Looking at this positively is the best thing anyone can do for themselves.
Let me tell you also that counsellors go through the same problems and experiences we go through and have to fight the same battles. They are just trained and skilled to help other's work through what they have had to go through also. No counsellor can practice till they have had extensive counselling so they also have to open up themselves. The Healing from this grief work in counselling is the best experience anyone can go through and you will be amazed at how better you will feel. Life will get better and you will be happier than you thought possible.
Best wishes for Feb 7th the birth of your baby, and Best wishes in motherhood and in life. Merry Xmas, and A Happy New Year!

Dec 21, 2015
Mom I need you
by: Nyxlay

Thanks Doreen everything you said is exactly how I feel when you mention the part about control that's all me when things are out of my control I'm terrified I'm one of those people that make sure bills are paid way in advanced it almost seems like I'm waiting for something bad to happen and I'm slowly learning to let loose a little bit I used to have real bad anxiety since being pregnant and no longer taking medication for my anxiety and it dawned on me that if I can go this long without taking the pills maybe I never needed them to begin with my son is due Feb 7 and I'm really excited about that I'm going to try each day to write one good thing about my self and just scatter them around the room so when that feeling of being worthless comes as it does so often in my mind I will learn to ignore it and I would like to look into the counseling with my insurance they offer that but I'm just so afraid to open up to people I don't think anyone knows everything about me not even my husband but i will keep the idea of going to counseling as an option thankyou for replying and if I don't hear from you again have a happy holiday

Dec 16, 2015
Mom I need you
by: Doreen UK

Nyxlay triggers happen all the time in our lives to pull us down and often we can't understand why we feel a certain way when there is no reason or explanation for. Counselling could benefit you by helping you to explore your feelings and where they are coming from. Counselling would help you release those fears in the area of your life that you had no control over. I did this grief work in counselling to resolve issues I didn't know were limiting my life and holding me back. I started to LIVE for the very first time in my 40's and have never looked back. When we have issues from our past that were never resolved they end up coming to the surface in our minds and are pressing for resolution. We have no control over this area of our lives, and often we cannot help ourselves because we can't understand what is happening. Most often our husband is powerless to help us even by talking out how we feel. Best leave this to either a professional or as you say making friends in the Church which can also be beneficial. Remember we have boundaries and they are also there to protect us. Choose your confidants carefully because sharing our feelings with the wrong people can also injure us and stop us from moving forward. We were not created to live in isolation so because you stay at home and not socialising will also contribute to the way you are feeling. NURTURE yourself. Do good things for yourself each day and you will be building up your self esteem and start to feel happier with life. I think many women can testify that their husband doesn't understand. Having a good mentor in your life will help you heal from your insecurities and we all have these. Healing took over 40yrs for me. I lost my husband to a deadly cancer 3 1/2 yrs ago and I was his caregiver for 3yrs.39days before he died. I could not function for 6 months. But in this time I nurtured myself back into life. I am content with life. But it has taken a lifetime to get here. So be patient with yourself. Don't have high expectations that may let you down. Life is about balance. Face the good times and the bad times. They are our teachers. Enjoy your life and I wish you all the best in life and motherhood. Best wishes.

Dec 11, 2015
Thanks
by: Nyxlay

I want to thank the people that took the time out to respond to my post it really means a lot each day is a bit of a struggle for me I was able to not think about my moms death for some time now I even stopped taking my anxiety meds I don't know if me being pregnant brought these feelings all back but there here and I know I have to find a way to get threw it I know there is no way God took me this far for me to go crazy now I have been threw so much in my life I sometimes don't know how I'm still standing my life could have went into so many wrong directions but I know that God has always been there watching me making sure it never got that bad I used to have such a close relationship with God and lately I find myself drifting away and I can't let that happen that's the only person I have that I can count on I mean I have my husband but I feel like at times he doesn't get me I don't get myself there are days I'm just sad and I don't understand why I have no reason to be Its hard to talk to my husband he has lots of family our lives are completely opposite as in the way we grew up he doesn't understand why I'm sad all the time I tried to explain to him but I feel like he doesn't get it I don't blame him how could he get it his parents are still here my husband is in the military we recently got stationed overseas I'm pretty much a stay at home I have no one to talk to which I feel is by choice I tend to pull away from people when they get to close I wish I wasn't this way I'm going to try to get myself into a good church and maybe try opening up more to people thanks again for taking the time to respond to my post it means a lot

Dec 09, 2015
Mom I need you
by: Doreen UK

Nxylay I am so sorry for your loss of your mother at such a young age and how this loss is still making you feel 24yrs. later. Many people feel the same way as you. They have a vacuum in their lives that is never filled, and they can feel empty forever.
Many people turn to God and allow God to fill the areas of their lives that is empty. How can we love if we have never felt loved. God created us to be loved and to love. When we lack this love it is God who can restore us and fill us to a degree that will let the emptiness be filled with God's love. It is a very amazing feeling and also experience to be filled with God's love. It is like no other love on earth. It is possible for you to be healed in those areas of your life that feels empty. I felt much like you all my life. Even though I had two very caring parents I still felt empty and unhappy all my life. In my 40's I took myself into counselling and resolved the pain I was in. In 4yrs. of counselling I ended 40yrs. of depression and unhappiness. I still had God in my life and couldn't understand why even the love of God could not sink in. There was a blockage of pain in the way. Once this was removed the love of God flowed through me and I have never been the same. It is a special type of happiness that you can't explain. It is possible for you to feel whole and loved despite your past. It is also possible to NURTURE yourself with good things every day. This way you will be building love into yourself. Do it now and it will help you as you become a mother so that you will not pass any of your insecurities to your unborn child and in those nurturing years that is so important to your child. It is harder to repair emotional damage when we pass this on to our children. I DID. But where I failed I seek God for healing for them and for me. None of us needs to live in fear and anxiety of our past. God is responsible for our healing of our past, present and our future. God created us and knows our frame. The healing from God will help you as a mother to become the person you were meant to be. Seek God for this love by inviting Him into your life and ask God to heal you in those areas that are still painful and to make you whole. Then trust God to do it. He Will. Many people can testify of how messed up their lives has been and how empty they felt growing up and the lack of a mother's nurturing left them feeling miserable. Don't focus on what you lost and didn't get in life, and focus on what you can do for yourself and your family. Give your sadness and heartache to God and let Him mend you. It is a daily prayer to God for healing and you will start to change and feel better in yourself and with life. Every child deserves to be loved. Many are not. Make every effort to nurture your child but let it start with you. It is never too late to nurture yourself. You will build up your self esteem which will be the best foundation for you all as a family. Best wishes.

Dec 07, 2015
For Nyxlay
by: Vickie

I just read your Post and though I lost my own mother much later in life I lost my beautiful daughter a few years ago. She left my granddaughter after her passing. She was just five years old when her Mom died. She is eleven now and growing into a beautiful young girl, much like her Mom. I do my best to be there for her too because I know All children need their Mothers. I want to tell you that I am so Sorry that you are feeling So Alone. I am not a Therapist but I spoke to one after my daughter passed. She told me young children can't process death often until later in life. Grief is so hard as an
Adult. I am so sorry you are feeling So
Alone and that you didn't have the Love
You needed and deserved growing up.

Soon you will be a Mother Yourself. Of course you are Missing your Mom because you want to share this part of your life with her. You want to have her here to ask advice and comfort you.

I believe your Mother is watching over you and is with you. I hope your little one will bring you happiness. The enormous love you feel when you become a parent goes beyond words. I believe there is No other stronger bond. This is the love your Mom had for you and you will soon see that even death can't break that bond.

My heart and prayers go out to you. I only come to the Grief Site rarely now (it was such a blessing after I first lost my daughter)but today there was an email in my box and it was from the grief site and your Post was there.


God Bless You.

Dec 07, 2015
Keep Faith
by: Anonymous

Hello, Congrats on your baby. I to lost my dad at 13 and my mom at 28. I understand how you feel. I often think about both of them. I did grow up with the lord in my life but certainly not to the drgree I have now. I want to encourage you to seek after the lord, learn to depend on him. Raise you baby knowing god.
I can easily see why you are thinking about your mom right now. becasue this is how it should be. your parents raise you and nurture you. When I reached certian ages throughout my life, I would have heavy feelings of them from time to time. My dad was not the greatest guy however I still think back to him. Your experience through life will give you the knowledge you need to raise your child and avoid the pain you experienced. I have been alone most of my life, yes I am married and have been but have experienced a pain so great that everyday is a battle. I found this web sight about two years ago. In july of 2013 our 22 year old son committed suicide. I can assure you this is crippliing. Its easy of people to give advice and at the end of the day you need to find hope and that is through our lord Jesus. I can assure you this has been the only thing that has gotten me through, and as my faith and understanding has grown I now see things better. I wished I had begun to learn about my faith much sooner in life. My hope today is in the lord and that I live my life according to how jesus wants me to. I have the understanding that one day I will see my son. Soon you will have a bundel of joy and you will be busy with the things that new parents do. Love your children, love your husband more important love the lord. Good Luck. I to am a Floridian, rased in Miami and moved away. I miss Fla. God Bless you and your family.

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