Mom is Now Free In the Land Of Royalties



Mom is now free in the land of Royalties……
I set her free with so much grace, love and caring any child could give to her parent. My Mom loved living and was a fighter she wanted to stay.
She fought to the next to last day of her beautiful life holding always holding out for hope. I slept with her those last days so she knew she was not alone.
Her mind never gave way to her illness but her body shut down.
I am proud to call myself her caregiver and I would not trade this time for anything in the world. I was on the sidelines insuring that her quality of life was fulfilled with as much joy and love and activity so she would not sit there waiting to die, she was alive living and we did just that.
She was a not only a Mom, but she was my friend, and the person I inspired to be throughout my life.
I am lost in overwhelming grief and I cannot wait till the day I can awake and find that my fear of entering the world outside will not be so uninviting,,,,,,,,, and I can begin to enjoy the beauty of life I knew before March 27, 2014 7:30 pm the day my world stopped.
What I find unsettling is my inability now almost 3 months later after to continue my goals and her wishes to carry through…… I have come to an abrupt halt and feel frozen unable to use my energies in healthy outcomes. I find myself spinning into unhealthy outcomes not trusting my decision makings. I was making baby steps and set back big time occurred and I am not in great shape again and blaming someone for my present situation when ultimately it is my choosing that has brought me to my unsteady future. They say in order to heal you have to go through grief and not around it so I guess there are no short cuts when it comes to missing her presence her guidance, her friendship, her kindness, her caring, her style, her laughter, her tea time, her decorating, her sharing her mystery novels, her sauce from scratch, her tap dancing with all her girls, her special cards in the mail, her phone calls, her singing, no short cuts to loving you Mom it is a love forever. Miss you Mom.

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Jun 23, 2014
Mom is Now Free In the Land of Royalties
by: Doreen UK

You couldn't have known what the grief experience felt like till you had to go through this loss of your mom. It hurts so badly that your world has been turned upside down. You face a new day thinking it will get better and it doesn't. It can often feel worse. You will then wish you could push yourself to do the things you want to do, and need to do, but CAN'T. It is then you feel the assault of grief on your body. Numbing you. Making you feel you will be this way forever and you don't want to. You then feel STUCK and powerless to change how you feel. This is what grief feels like in the days and months after your loss. You could feel this way for some time. Grief counsellors can be invaluable at this time. Helping to explain why you feel the way you do, and to let you know it is NORMAL. The best way is to take ONE DAY AT A TIME. Nurture yourself back into life slowly day by day. Be patient with yourself. Don't blame yourself for any mistakes made or think you failed your mom. This is what the assault of grief does to our system. This too will pass with time. You will recover from grief and get to feel the way you want to feel and do the things you want to do. It just will happen later in time and not now. Healing is slow, but it needs to be completed.

Jun 23, 2014
Mom is Now Free In the Land of Royalties
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your Mom. The difficulty that faces us is that we don't know what losing someone as close as a mother feels like till it happens. When grief assaults us we often think it will pass and we will quickly carry on with our lives. When this doesn't happen we can feel frustrated and disappointed with ourselves and ask WHY? we can't pick ourselves up and do all the things we want and need to do.
If you broke your leg, would you expect to get up within a few months and walk on that leg as if it was perfect? NO!. We often expect more of ourselves in our emotional life and wonder why we can't do better. The emotional life is harder to understand and heal from. All that it takes is TIME for any healing to take place.
As the person in the first post says. Just to do the dishes was an achievement. I like this thinking. We need to look at even one small achievement we do each day to move forward. It may even be just getting out of bed and getting stuck into our day in the best way we can. I don't believe in pushing one's self to do what we are not able to do for ourselves when ASSAULTED by grief. This is what grief feels like. AN ASSAULT on the body. I took 6 months out of my life to nurture myself back each day. Even if it was only to let TV bathe my wounds of sorrow. I was then able to take on ONE JOB a day till this increased. I control what and when I do anything. It is finding and reclaiming our CONTROL that is the key to coping with grief. We couldn't control the death of our loved one, but we can have a measure of CONTROL over our life no matter how long it takes to heal from our grief. Knowing life will get better in time will sustain us through our grief. Not making heavy demands on ourselves, and lowering our EXPECTATIONS are all ways we can help ourselves.

Jun 21, 2014
by: Anonymous

I cared for my Mum and I wouldn't have swapped that for anything either. I do think, however, that this is making it harder for me to get over the huge loss because there were many months before my mum died that I was worried sick but hiding it and that does wear you out. It also fills your day and thoughts. Just be comforted that you did help her, she could rely on you and know you would have to be some kind of monster not to be knocked for six by her passing.
Just go with the flow and count any little thing you get done as an achievement, ( I write this as I sit in a house that hasnt been cleaned for 4 weeks and I count washing up as an achievement at the moment!)

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