Mom is Now Free In the Land Of Royalties
Mom is now free in the land of Royalties……
I set her free with so much grace, love and caring any child could give to her parent. My Mom loved living and was a fighter she wanted to stay.
She fought to the next to last day of her beautiful life holding always holding out for hope. I slept with her those last days so she knew she was not alone.
Her mind never gave way to her illness but her body shut down.
I am proud to call myself her caregiver and I would not trade this time for anything in the world. I was on the sidelines insuring that her quality of life was fulfilled with as much joy and love and activity so she would not sit there waiting to die, she was alive living and we did just that.
She was a not only a Mom, but she was my friend, and the person I inspired to be throughout my life.
I am lost in overwhelming grief and I cannot wait till the day I can awake and find that my fear of entering the world outside will not be so uninviting,,,,,,,,, and I can begin to enjoy the beauty of life I knew before March 27, 2014 7:30 pm the day my world stopped.
What I find unsettling is my inability now almost 3 months later after to continue my goals and her wishes to carry through…… I have come to an abrupt halt and feel frozen unable to use my energies in healthy outcomes. I find myself spinning into unhealthy outcomes not trusting my decision makings. I was making baby steps and set back big time occurred and I am not in great shape again and blaming someone for my present situation when ultimately it is my choosing that has brought me to my unsteady future. They say in order to heal you have to go through grief and not around it so I guess there are no short cuts when it comes to missing her presence her guidance, her friendship, her kindness, her caring, her style, her laughter, her tea time, her decorating, her sharing her mystery novels, her sauce from scratch, her tap dancing with all her girls, her special cards in the mail, her phone calls, her singing, no short cuts to loving you Mom it is a love forever. Miss you Mom.