Mom - My Best Friend x

by Sarah
(Tamworth Staffs, UK)

This is so hard for me to be even writing this. I lost my mom 1st July 2012, that weekend I was in a complete trance not knowing what to do.
Mom was diagnosed in Feb 12 that she had liver cancer, unfortunately her lungs were no good so surgery was out and chemo was too ivasive for her given that we were told 9 mths without surgery 12 mths with. We couldnt put mom through that every day for 3 months.
Basically hospital said they will not monitor mom as she is having no treatment so in not so many words go home and die.
It came as a shock to all of us, the hardest was the not knowing, only a few months later she was getting confused from the meds she was on and we then get a call on 29th June to say she hasn't got long a few days if that. What a kick in the teeth !! Mom wasn't meant to go until Oct/Nov at least.
All of her 12 grandchildren and 6 great grandchilden came down on the saturday to say their goodbyes. That was awful.
Dad then called us on the Sunday 1st July to say he doesnt think she has long, we all raced to their house and all 7 of us were around her bed along with dad. She wasn't with us and had the dreadful 'death rattle'. At 9.07am the sun shone through her window, she opened her eyes, smiled and took her last breathe. She wasn't in any pain.
It was the longest day of my life. I miss her terribly and even though we cremated her on 13th July we finally said our last goodbyes, it seems to have hit me recently like a ton of bricks. I am back at work which takes my mind off it sometimes but like now I am in bits and can't believe that this will get better in time, the grief seems to be getting unbearable and I can't stop crying once I start. My heart is physically aching. I have to be strong for my 2 girls who were extremely close to their nan, but I feel I am not handling this well crying all the time.
My mother didn't have it easy, she wasn't well to do, but what little she had she gave in her unconditional love, I had her to call when I needed her, now who am I going to phone.
My love for her is growing stronger each day I can feel it, she will never leave me and I her. God Bless you mom, may you be happy until the time comes for you to call each one of us home. xxx
Thank you for reading my story. Sarah

Comments for Mom - My Best Friend x

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Aug 02, 2012
mom-my best friend
by: sharon

dear sarah I share your grief as my mum passed away july 11th 2012 after a 6 month battle with cancer. I still cant believe she gone, she was always there for me and I am devastated. Like you since the cremation on the 25th july I am finding it so so hard to cope and concentrate on anything and I am in floods of tears every day, and get feelings of despair that she is no longer here.Friends tell me time will heal and all I can do is battle through each day.I miss her so much as she wasnt just my mum she was my best friend too. Take care x

Jul 19, 2012
It does get better
by: Gary Massachusetts

I lost my mom May 22nd 2011. She was 87 Years old but age I found out isn't relative it's your mom. I first was in shock and denial. I then went to extreme anxiety, loneliness, sadness and even anger. About a year later I can say I feel some relief. Grief is timeless and is different for everybody. I believe grief and pain is us proving to ourselves and others how much we love and miss them. The pain is much better now and at times I do have moments of sadness. I miss her and always will. A person said to me. Look at you, you have your mother's genes, looks and smile, your mom still lives in you. I hope you feel better soon because there is an end to your pain. Be nice to yourself and be patient.

Jul 19, 2012
Mom - My Best Friend x
by: Doreen U.K.

Sarah I am so sorry for the loss of you mom. You don't have to be strong for your girls because you are grieving. Your girls are hurt also. You will cry and cry and cry and feel as if your heart is bleeding to death and the pain is so awful you cannot bear it. You will just wish that someone would come and just take your pain away and make everything right. It will be this way for some time. We all have to go through this and none of us knows when it is going to stop. When it will get better. We all in grief feel as if it is going to last forever. Feeling ALONE. and LONELY, and EMPTY, and HOLLOW, and ANGRY, and IN A RAGE. You don't know who to be angry with. I am in tears now because your pain echoes mine. I can't talk about my loss because it hurts so much. I feel as if I have lost everyone. Death fractures a family. Some people will stick around and support you, and many will walk away out of your life. This is the painfull reality of a death in the family. I hope that in life you will have people to support you and help you through your grief. Try and see a grief counsellor who will just lift the lid off your pain and support you so that the pain is not so severe. The sun will shine for you again. Give it one day at a time.

Jul 18, 2012
I Understand
by: Ella in TX

I lost my mother on 6/8/2012 after been in ICU for three weeks. I brought her home on 6/6/2012 after the doctors said there was nothing more than they can do. She just tured 88 may 11th, i was her care taker for 17 beautiful years. I can relate to you regarding the "death raddler". My mother's had a radiant glow on her face, her frown lines were all done, the room was filled with utter silence, cool, calm and serene. She too smiled and took her last breath. All four children and grand children were present.I've never experience nothing like it. yesterday, I stayed at home and litterly cried till my eyes were swollen. I watched the video from the funeral and I can not describe the pain, but you know. Everyone says it will get better.... We have to believe that.
Sara, I will pray for you and you so likewise...

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