Mom - My Best Friend x
(Tamworth Staffs, UK)
This is so hard for me to be even writing this. I lost my mom 1st July 2012, that weekend I was in a complete trance not knowing what to do.
Mom was diagnosed in Feb 12 that she had liver cancer, unfortunately her lungs were no good so surgery was out and chemo was too ivasive for her given that we were told 9 mths without surgery 12 mths with. We couldnt put mom through that every day for 3 months.
Basically hospital said they will not monitor mom as she is having no treatment so in not so many words go home and die.
It came as a shock to all of us, the hardest was the not knowing, only a few months later she was getting confused from the meds she was on and we then get a call on 29th June to say she hasn't got long a few days if that. What a kick in the teeth !! Mom wasn't meant to go until Oct/Nov at least.
All of her 12 grandchildren and 6 great grandchilden came down on the saturday to say their goodbyes. That was awful.
Dad then called us on the Sunday 1st July to say he doesnt think she has long, we all raced to their house and all 7 of us were around her bed along with dad. She wasn't with us and had the dreadful 'death rattle'. At 9.07am the sun shone through her window, she opened her eyes, smiled and took her last breathe. She wasn't in any pain.
It was the longest day of my life. I miss her terribly and even though we cremated her on 13th July we finally said our last goodbyes, it seems to have hit me recently like a ton of bricks. I am back at work which takes my mind off it sometimes but like now I am in bits and can't believe that this will get better in time, the grief seems to be getting unbearable and I can't stop crying once I start. My heart is physically aching. I have to be strong for my 2 girls who were extremely close to their nan, but I feel I am not handling this well crying all the time.
My mother didn't have it easy, she wasn't well to do, but what little she had she gave in her unconditional love, I had her to call when I needed her, now who am I going to phone.
My love for her is growing stronger each day I can feel it, she will never leave me and I her. God Bless you mom, may you be happy until the time comes for you to call each one of us home. xxx
Thank you for reading my story. Sarah