Mom who lost 2 children in 6 1/2 months

by Kathleen
(Michigan)

Exactly one month to the day....of burying my Moma and giving her Eulogy, I found myself giving the eulogy for my son. He was a wonderful young man. 36 years old. He was my soulmate . Two people, but the same in every way possible. When I was with him, I felt totally recharged, alive, content, filled with joy....and he felt the same. We aren't sure what happened to this sweet soul. His 5 siblings and I...About a year and a half before his death, he started acting irrational . He severed all relationships with us. Our hearts were broken. He became confused, dillusional even. We continued to try to reach him. This sweet kind soul, who had been in the military, a well decorated police officer, cell phone forensics expert.....was confused. In the end, this gentle man took his life in a state of confusion and terror. His firstborn was born 5 months later.

6 1/2 months after the most horrific day a mother could ever endure, it happened again. This time to my beautiful Kerry. My daughter who was born with Rett Syndrome. She lived with me until the age of 25. With the severity of her disease, I had nurses during the day. She smiled at me everyday. She could never walk or talk.....but spoke volumes with those beautiful eyes. She knew my every secret. She did not judge. She loved babies. She was my hero.

I try as I may to keep on. I also endured a needed divorce during this time. My sister decided to not speak to me again.....and has not. But....my faith is strong. I am hoping to find a way to get through....

Comments for Mom who lost 2 children in 6 1/2 months

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Nov 05, 2012
Such heartache...
by: SoSadDad

Kathleen, my heart goes out to you. Before anything else, let me tell you about this site: www.compassionatefriends.org. Organized and run by bereaved parents, you will find compassion and understanding her. If you can find a local chapter, please give it a try for at least three meetings. There is no pressure to do or say anything; only to be loved by others who have been in a place similar to where you are. You don't give any dates, but that really is irrelavent. I don't know how you feel, but I could make a pretty good guess, if such grief could be put into words. My wife and I lost her mom, my mother-in-law, and just a short time later, our oldest of two daughters, Mel, died at 31 on 9/20/2009. Several months later, my wife's best friend, and close friend of mine, died unexpectedly. One year and 8 months after Mel, our other daughter, Jenn, died on &/16/2011. Then just a few months ago, my wife's brother took his life. And somewhere in that mix, a nephew was shot and killed.

Our marriage has been tested, but we are strong together. I don't know that I could make it without her. I'm so sorry for you that you don't have that support. And for a sister to abandon you in this time of need is unthinkable, even though "unthinkable" is now common place for you and us. I admit that my faith was severely tested. But I beg you to hold on to your faith. In the end, it is the only constant in this life. I pray that you receive support from your Church family. Unfortunately, that often does not happen. But remember that our Lord is the only one we can count on; all others are imperfect. Please act with kindness and understanding towards those who fail you. Very few intend to be mean. Most act out of fear or ignorance. The fear is of having to confront the possibility that it COULD be them. The ignorance is not understanding the depth of pain and grief that comes from losing a child (two is "unthinkable"), not knowing how to talk to you (listening would be a great starting place), and worrying that they might upset you or make you cry. They really don't understand. But do you want them to really understand? Most bereaved parents would not wish this on the most despicable of earth's human creatures, the pain is that great.

Speaking on behalf of the unseen community of grieving parents, I love you and wish I could take some of your pain. After all, when you are buried underneath an avalanche of heavy snow, a few more feet isn't even going to be felt. It has been three years since Mel and 15 months since Jenn, and I have finally realized that I don't have any answers, and can't process this without help. If there's the slightes doubt, don't wiat, but seek counseling now. Lastly, you are not alone. And in the words of Coach V, "don't give up, don't ever give up."

God bless you,
SoSadDad

Nov 05, 2012
Your loss
by: Debi M.

Kathleen -

I am so very sorry for the loss of your two children and your mother. You have certainly been through a lot. I wish you peace and comfort in each new day.

Debi M.
Texas

Nov 05, 2012
Mom who lost 2 children in 6 1/2 months
by: Doreen U.K.

Kathleen I am sorry for your loss of your Mom, Son, Daughter, and also the loss of your marriage and relationship with your sister.
You have come through so much and seem to have a Faith that is holding you up. This does not mean that you can survive in isolation. We all need someone to lean on at times and to be supportive. You seem to be in isolation from a family who could be supportive to you at such a difficult time in your life.
To lose 2 children will leave you in the worst grief ever. You could do with your Mom being around if only to hear your cries.
Perhaps you could reach out to a counsellor for the support of losing 2 Adult children and also for the comfort this will bring you from being cared for ~ for a while. You can also reach out to the Church for support and prayer. I have 4 siblings and we have had our difficulties, but we have become closer since we lost my dear beloved husband 6 months ago to cancer. We were married 44yrs. and now I am all alone. I do have my 3 supportive sisters which does help tremendously. I will never recover from losing my husband. He was my HEARTBEAT. I worked with him for over 47yrs. building up our home. He is not here now to enjoy the fruits of his labours. I pray God holds him in his arms till I get there to join him in death. Life is not the same now and never will be for me. This is one STORM that will take time to go.
I hope that God puts some new people in your life who will make a difference and support you in the way you need. I wish you all the best in the days, months, and years ahead and May God Comfort and Bless you Always.!!!

Nov 05, 2012
I could never imagine
by: Buffy

Thank you for sharing your story. I have Two children myself. My first son is 25 yrs. old. When he was a teenager i worried about him so much. He is in a gang so i have had many sleepless nights. I sometimes would play out in my head if he were ever to die and i would just cry so much and my heart felt like i just wouldnt want to go on if this ever happened. I feel for you so much! I wish i could make things better for you. My son now has been having hallucinations, paranoya and alot of anxiety and depression. He is not on drugs at this present time but is an addict. These signs of schitzophrenia to me are almost like i lost my son anyways at times. i am trying to get him on medication. You seem to be going through so many troubles right now in your life. Friends and family and support groups are always great and could be very helpful but for me God has always got me through troubles. I will pray for you and if you havent already please seek him. LOVE BUFFY. I also have a story on here. It is called, "He taught me how to love" I recently lost a pet. I am so sorry for your loss.

Nov 05, 2012
Mom who lost 2 children in 6 1/2 months.
by: Barbara

Bless you, that is terrible. I grieve for your loss. There are no words to make you feel better.
They say it just takes time.... I know there is never closure. I've lost alot of relative over the last couple of years and my relationship with my own daughter over drugs and can't see my grandchildren anymore and I grieved and the pain was so much I stayed in bed for over a year. So, I can only imagine how you must feel.
I hope you have good family and friends to help you deal with your loss. My friends have helped me alot by just listening to me.

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