by Michelle
(Prattville ,Alabama)

We lost my sister Kimmie who was mentally retarded it was a complete shock to our family she was the heart of our family and there were no warnings my mom dropped her off at The Smith Center where she had been attending since she was sixteen or so and within 15 minutes she was just gone an anterism they said my mom has just been lost understandable she had been my sisters caretaker for 40 years its always been those two they done everything together where you seen one you seen the other I have two brothers also one is in Afganistan so me and my youngest brother have been here to go through everything with my mom from day one my other brother got to come home for 10 days to attend the funeral and be with us all and had to return so me and my brother has tried to be here and do what ever mom needs us to do for her I'm 43 have four children and four grandchildren so I have a pretty busy life but still try to be there for mom cause she's my mom and my brother who's 27 has a son and a hectic job is there for mom and we wouldn't have it any other way but this past Saturday she blew up at my brother and said we just didn't want to do anything for her and today I called and asked her if we were still going to the heart doctor on Monday she hollers at me and says no I'm not going ill go Wendsday by myself I don't wanna be y'all's burden and hangs up on me I was stunned my mom is in no way a burden and me are my brother has done anything to our knowledge to make her feel that way we are both in shock and don't know if we should stay on her are just back off and let her come to us

Comments for Mom

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Jul 24, 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Michelle just let your mom cool down and if she doesn't make contact with you and your brother within a week or two, then go and speak to her and tell her that you know she is grieving and feel her outburst to you and your brother is not called for. Tell her how it makes you feel that you are both reaching out to her and she is pushing you away. Ask her if she want's space you will give it to her and she can contact you when she is ready and if it is too long then you will both come knocking on her door. Try and get perhaps one of her siblings if she has any to be with her and help her get through her grief.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 14 months to cancer and it was a volatile time for all of us. My husband took me shopping and my daughter didn't want to, and it caused problems. I felt a burden and had my only outburst at this time and wanted to go away and leave everyone. After grief our whole world alters, and changes.
Grief does this. It can turn us upside down for a while. We can feel a burden to ourselves and others. and actually push people away from us without thinking we are doing this. I was caregiver to my husband for 3yrs. and this was a loss I wasn't prepared for. One loses so much more than other's can observe. It is as if our life has come to a halt and we don't know what to do with ourselves never mind go on in life.
You are a busy mother and so your mother will feel she is a burden. It is difficult for us older generation to fill our days and make them meaningful. Many can take up their lives again and make them count but if you have health issues this makes it more difficult to live an independent life. Even if you get your mom involved in outside activities or get her some counselling she may see this in a negative way as you palming her on to other people. You can only do your best. But if this behaviour starts affecting your own life and family you may have to make it clear or walk away for some time.

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