by steve doss

I lost my mom 6 weeks ago. I found out about it only 4 days ago. I Feel empty and cold inside. I'll never speak or hear her voice again. My mother Barb, was sick for a long time,with COPD,dementia and she had NPH, or water on the brain. I had not seen her for 8 months. I had been living with her in the nursing home in Chicago up til last June 2013. I was told to leave. They put her in another nursing home,then another,as she was extremely combative,while I stayed in Las Vegas. My sister told me the news a couple of days ago. My mom and I had a very complicated relationship at times,but overall I loved her as much as I could.She was cremated,and I feel like there is no time to ever say goodbye.

Comments for Mom

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Apr 08, 2014
So Sorry
by: Debby

That is so sad, our moms are very special. It sounds like you did the best you could and she knew that you loved her. When bad things happen we always find something to beat ourselves up about. I have been doing it for 3 months since my husband passed away January 9, 2014. I don't know why our minds play tricks on us, but they do. I have trying to push the silly things that I have been dwelling on out of my mind.It's hard but you have to make a conscience effort to do it. It's rather soon for you, but you too will be included in prayers for healing. Bless you and your dear mother.

Apr 08, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Steve I am so sorry for the loss of your mom and more so because you were so late in hearing the news of her passing. I would have thought your sister would have informed you of your mother's death earlier than she did, unless she couldn't contact you.
You are not unusual to have a complicated life with your mother. Many families have dysfunctional problems and some could start with the loss of a parent as did in my family. Both my parents lost a parent each at a young age and this was the start of dysfunction and not being able to relate their feelings within the context of their family.
Because your mother has been cremated, this will add confusion to your loss of her whilst you try to process the events from when you last saw her 8 months ago. Counselling could work well for you in the circumstances. Many people find it hard coping with grief where they didn't get the chance to say good-bye. I did have the chance to say good-bye to my husband as he was dying of cancer when I nursed him for just over 3yrs. But I couldn't say good-bye. It was too painful, and I was in denial about losing him. Death throws up different feelings for each of us not dissimilar to what many people say/feel.
I have coped by TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME, which I learned on this site. Counselling could help you move forward better as you resolve some of the issues that caused difficulties in your relationship with your mother which may interfere with grieving. I did this grief work with a counsellor some years before losing my husband and It changed my life for the better in ways I didn't think possible. I have healed and become a more whole person. I hope life can get better for you and not hold you back by your past and losing your beloved mother.

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