Mommy I miss you!

by Sharon
(Windsor Mill)

My mom died last week and I just buried her today. She had metastic cervical cancer and was 83 years old. She was funny and resilient. Her cancer was in remission for more than 12 years and when she started complaining about her side no one thought anything of it, but it took her so fast. Se got sick in early June and so weak that she could even walk 10 steps without assistance. The cancer consumed her and she was in hospice within three weeks from the official diagnosis. She died two later. I love her and miss her dearly. I can't believe she's dead and although I'm back at work I feel so empty and lost. I don't know what to do.

Comments for Mommy I miss you!

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Jul 19, 2012
I understand
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Anonymous, I wish you had perhaps used a nickname or intitials so that I could address you personally.
You echo exactly how I feel. You are not ALONE even if it feels this way. Anyone needing support ongoing and just wants to offload can email me at doreenelkington@aol.com. I care how you feel and what you are going through. Just like you I am railing against the death of my husband of 44years marriage. just when I am grieving I find myself surrounded by enemies within my extended family. People who see me as all alone and can now kick you when you are down. This too I mention so that anyone going through this will know they are not alone. Even this can happen. As you say you lose your support just when you are hurting so much and need people to surround you, encourage and lift you up. It is very painfull when people don't understand. this can make your pain and grief that much worse. As if it is not bad enough. Many people will say insensitive things. Like telling you to move on. These are the wrong people to be around. Just like you I TOO want to isolate myself. Become a missing person to protect myself from more harm.
If you are hurting. Go and see a grief counsellor who will be able to support you. Grief can make us become unhappy and people don't want to be around us. But when you have grieved and in a better place don't isolate yourself. You will intensify your lonliness. Join a club. Put new people in your life. Move away if you have to. don't contact your extended family if they are not there for you. One day they will wonder about you. Keep them wondering. We have to do everything to put people in our life that will encourage us and want our best interests. Sadly we have to let people go out of our life. People will come into our lives for a season. Some will want to stay. Ask God to put people in your life that are good for you and that you need at this time. In the Bible it says. When mother and father forsake me then God will take me up. Ask God to take you in his hands now your mother and father are with God. I hope that life does get better for you and you are able to get the support to help you in your grief. Remember. Even grief has its season. You will Recover. Life will get better for you. You will be happy again. Grief is not something we can get rid of. it has to run its course. Best wishes

Jul 18, 2012
I understand
by: Anonymous

My mother died 14 months ago of cancer at the age 73. She died 13 days after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I am single and an only child. My father the love of my mothers life also died ten years ago of cancer. This disease has taken so many people in my family you are right it is like a curse. I am struggling with her death and keep getting told to move on. I have started to isolate myself from many of my extended family as they don't seem to truly understand my grief pain loss guilt. My mother lived with me for the last ten years. I miss her so much I can't stand the pain . Loosing a mother is just so horrible. How am I to go on when my mother was my greatest fan loved me unconditional. Her biggest fear came true getting cancer and leaving me. I feel like I am being punished by god for something I must have done even though I always tried to be a good person. Her death was horrible she suffered the pains of hell in the last few days of her life the image is etched in my head and I keep replaying it over and over my mother lived for me. Even after 14 months I am total shock. I go to work and pretend all us well while my heart aches and this pain I just can't describe it

Jul 18, 2012
Mommy I miss you!
by: Doreen U.K.

Sharon I am so sorry for the loss of your mother last week. It is early days and you are in the fullest of the pain of Grief. It won't get any worse than the initial days of our loss.
You will start to feel numb. then searching and crying. When you start to thaw out you will feel the full force of your pain of grief. It is a horrible place to be for all of us. Grief is something we have to expereince before we can go through the healing from our loss.
Losing a mother is painfull for a child as their whole life is wrapped up in the care a mother provides. A mother makes her children feel secure and loved and when we lose this our world crumbles. Your mother was of an age when cancer and strokes and other illnesses invade the body. Part of old age. But we never get used to losing our parents. We will start to feel insecure and unprotected in the world no matter how old we are. I lost my husband 9 weeks ago to cancer. He suffered over 3 years with this terrible incurable and inoperable disease. Cancer is a curse. It rips the heart out of families. You can only go on one day at a time and each new day will be a slow healing process. I wish you easier days ahead in your grief journey.

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