More than 5 years and I still think of my lovely Mum every second of the day.....

by Jo Andrews
(United Kingdom)

My Mum died on 7th May 2007 and I still think about her every second of every day. My sister and brother talk about her now with smiles as they remember all the lovely funny things she said and done but I can't without breaking down. I say little things but have to keep it short as I will start to cry, even after over 5 years. I loved her so much, she was a great Mum. I just can't get over her not being around anymore. She had a horrible ending and I feel so sorry that I did not help her more. It all started when she went to the dentist. The dentist said she had a small blackish mark on her gum at the top so he referred her for a biopsy just to see what it was. It was a malignant melanoma, very rare in this place. She went into hospital very quickly and had her soft palate removed which left a gaping hole in the roof of her mouth. She had to have a 'plug' made on a plate to cover the hole so she could eat and swallow. She coped so well with that but the radiotherapy burned her neck and face badly. Still she never moaned. A couple of years later she got breast cancer which resulted in a mastectomy and chemotherapy. Off and on for 12 years she had different types of cancer until she finally passed away in a hospice aged 76. She was still driving up until 3 weeks before she died and was doing a computer course. She was cooking us all roast dinners even though she couldn't eat or swallow for quite a while before she died. She wouldn't let me wash up or do anything for her. We still went shopping together every other Saturday and she spoiled all of the grandchildren. Christmas Day is not the same without Mum, she got everyone together and made us play games (even though we tried to resist). She had so much energy, life and a big personality and I miss her every day. Kathleen Mary Andrews.....I Love You xxx

Comments for More than 5 years and I still think of my lovely Mum every second of the day.....

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Mar 29, 2013
my lovely mum kate
by: morag

dear jo,your mum sounds like a real earth mother,full of love for her family,my dear mum was like this also,she died 6.01.13 and i weep every day,words and kindness from family and friends help temporarily but in the alone of my time i yearn to hold her, hear her voice or just sit silently with her, the pain is because i know this cannot be in this lifetime,i must get on with life as best i can because i know this is what she would want,my angel has gone but the love in my heart for her is still there jo and that carries me through each day. may gods love surround you at this time and may angels hold and kiss our darling mums this day in heaven. moragxx

Nov 23, 2012
This Christmas...
by: Anonymous

Hello Jo, and thank you for your story. It seems a long time to carry this great sadness in your heart. I wish I knew how to comfort you, but I can only say this: perhaps it is time to convert your sadness into something more positive.

I gather that your Mum was a loyal and devoted woman with a great sense of humour. Having dedicated so much to the needs of her family during her passage on earth, I believe that the last thing she would wish is to see you so unhappy. Perhaps you could expend some of your longing for your Mum (and even a degree of remorse over her absence) in a little project which would honour her this Christmas. Try to think of a special talent or hobby which your Mum possessed, and try to emulate that special gift by making something practical as a tribute to her love and devotion. It may be the smallest thing, as long as it brings out that part of your Mum which continues to live on inside you. If your Mum liked to knit, sew, paint, or draw, you could try to knit, sew, paint, or draw an article in her favourite colours for your brother and/or your sister this Christmas. It does not have to be complicated (a warm, woolly scarf or a monogrammed bandanna, for instance) as long as it has your mother's 'mark' - her preferred colours, or her particular style.

As you work on this project, try to let your spirit be quiet so that you can feel your Mum's guidance. Try to feel the implicit trust and the sense of direction you felt when she taught you the essential skills which you possess today, like tying your shoelaces or crossing the street safely. Or making a cup of tea. We didn't get born knowing these things and sometimes it helps to remember how we learnt them. Sometimes it is necessary to draw on the memory of these teachings in order to understand that we were never alone and we are not alone now. I like to think that my Mum has simply returned to the place where she was before she was born, and that she is waiting there for my brother, my sisters, and me to join her. I like to imagine that her mission on earth was to prepare us with the knowledge and the wisdom which will ultimately bring us to the place where she is now, a place of peace and happiness. If it will help you, please try to find the words of a little poem entitled "High Flight" by John Gillespie Magee. It is somewhat difficult but it contains a true message of inspiration.

Whatever you decide to do, allow the longing for your mother to be stilled, and let the hope and anticipation of your eventual reunion become a part of your journey forward.

Nov 23, 2012
More than 5 years and I still think of my lovely Mum every second of the day ......
by: Doreen U.K.

Jo I am sorry for your loss of your Mum. She had such a rough time with cancer and it claimed her life. Even though this was some years ago the pain can be slow to go and leave us still feeling very much alone and missing Mum.
My mum died 9 years ago and I didn't grieve for her. But since my husband died of cancer 6 months ago I am now feeling the both losses together. I was my Mum's caretaker since I was 14yrs of age and so I lost a lot of my childhood. I never complained because I loved serving people whoever it was. I found this as a purpose for living. So I don't feel I let my mum down or didn't do enough to help her.
Because I was her favourite daughter I somehow bowed out of being in the limelight to let my other 3 sisters receive Mum's care and so it was then that I can perceive this as not being there for my mother before she died. But I don't have the guilt over this I just feel it as a Regret. And keep it in its rightful place.
It is at holidays and special celebrations that we can feel the loss more and Pine for that loved one. Family gathering are never the same when someone is missing from our picture and our life. We nevertheless have to go on in life whether we like this or not. Lonliness on its own is like an emotional cancer. I guess it will take time for us all to find our niche in life again.

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