More Than a Mother

by Sylvia
(California)

Our home is so different without her. We don't hear the sound of pots and pans clanging as she cooked up wonderful meals for us, or the sound of her voice singing to our children, or giving us words of wisdom, or sharing her childhood stories with us.

My mother was so important to our family. Not only was she a loving mother who through her many sacrifices raised four children to become professional adults, she was so much more...She was my pillar of strength in times of weakness. She was my source of wisdom when I needed guidance. She encouraged me to believe in myself and love myself just as I am. She taught me to think of others and give generously to those in need. Most importantly, she showed me the love of Jesus from a young age. Through her example, I learned how to live a spirit-filled life, trusting in the Lord and walking by faith even in the most difficult moments.

I feel a huge emptiness in my heart, now that she's gone. I miss her terribly, and sometimes fear that I can't continue on without her. Although I know that in his infinite love, the Lord will carry me through this valley; this is definitely the most painful loss I have ever experienced.

My husband and I lost our first baby about five years ago and that was a devastating loss for me. I since have had two sons but still long for my first child, who was my one and only daughter. With time, however, that wound from losing my baby has healed, and I'm grateful for having two healthy children.

The loss of my mother is more complex. Not only do the countless memories of my mother overwhelm me with sadness, I also feel that I've lost part of my identity. The person who represented an integral part of my upbringing, who made me who I am today, is gone. I am also missing an extremely important aspect of my life now, one which I could always rely on, that is, the guidance and unconditional love of my mother.

Thoughts of my mother's death are also extremely painful, and yet I seem to re-live the whole experience over and over again in my mind. My mother died of gall bladder cancer which metastasized in the form of tumors on the brain and lymph glands. Although she was terrified of her illness and the medical treatments, she demonstrated courage in such an extraordinary way. She underwent radiation and chemotherapy, along with all of the side effects these treatments bring with them. She had been living here in my home at the time she became ill and she spent her last days here as well. For three excruciating months, we witnessed our dear mother deteriorate, until her body could no longer hold on. She took her last breath on March 10, 2008. My family and I were there, holding her, as she left to be with the Lord.

She was my teacher, my spiritual counselor, my unconditional friend and the one who molded me into the person I am today. She was so much more than a mother, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Comments for More Than a Mother

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May 12, 2010
My Lovely mother
by: emem udofia

I lost my mother this May. I will never forget that day. It was like a dream to me. It is a painful thing that has ever happened to me. I will never forget all those things she taught me.I pray God to give me the peace of mind after this great loss.

Jun 26, 2009
Hope
by: Netta

I lost my mother 2 months ago to bowel cancer. She was just 56. She had a history of inflammatory diseases since she was very young so when I was born she already had lots of operations behind her.

Despite of all these, nobody could say she had anything. She was beautiful, was the best cook, took care of herself whenever she could, tried to enjoy life even when others would have given it up. She was a divorced woman but cared for me very much with all of her strength. She worked very hard and wanted to give me the best of everything so that I would have a more comfortable life than she had. This is something I will always admire in her and for this, she will be my hero, forever.

I spent the last 6 years in another country as I moved there. She came to see me occasionally and I went to see her every year and on the long term I thought I could bring her to my new country...but now this plan of mine cannot become reality.

I travelled back two and a half months ago as I heard she was getting into intensive care and she was not going well at all. I was used to the idea since my childhood that she can die in any minute when she went to operations.

But when I saw her this time in the hospital, I knew this was different. I knew it was her last battle, but still hoped...and was devastated when I saw her leaving. I did not believe it can actually happen. I thought my mother will live forever...

The only comfort I have is that she is not suffering anymore. I would not wish physical suffering to anyone, especially to my mother.
She fought until the end but I understood that the human mind and body has its own limits.

I was in shock in the first days and was just crying, then I was in denial for a month and I just thought she was travelling somewhere. In the second month my mind started to process the info and now I have moments that can last hours when I realize what the word "never" means.

This is the worst, because I have to understand that she will never come back. In the past days I wanted to go after her (not physically but rather mentally) but then I figured this is not something she would like.

When I have these extremely difficult moments, I just cry, but at the end I always ask myself what would she say to me or think about me at that moment and the answer comforts me somehow. If she would be there just next to me.

I hope I will be able to still laugh on things and be happy in the future, even if she won't be there anymore. Probably her advice would be for me to live life to the fullest, give and receive love as she taught me, even after she had gone.
I wish lots of strength and hope in the future for all of us.

Jun 14, 2009
Lost
by: Paul

I lost my mom in January, while dad was in the hospital, bone marrow cancer. I am so lost, I am dads care taker now, help! Have not had time to grieve, trying to work 2 jobs and take care of dad. I am so sorry for your loss, God bless you.

May 22, 2009
Always There
by: katy

I lost my mother October 31 about a year and a half ago. That was the most hard thing that I have gone through in my life, well I know I am only 20 but it is just as hard. She was a best friend to me. You never leave who you are, you just find a different person that you mold out of your original self.

You will find out who and what you are soon. You will always have her in your thoughts, they don't go away easily, I try to think of the best times I had with my mom.

I think one of the roughest things to deal with is that it seems like no one understands... that's because most really don't know what you are feeling and what is in your head. Though, I pray they will never have the pain I had losing my mother and 2 grandmothers within 2 years of each other. The people don't usually understand why you are emotional about things you might not have been before. It's not easily explained.

I wish you the best, may God work in your life fully.

Jan 30, 2009
Pieces of me
by: Paula

I lost my Mum in August, it's coming up to 6 months and her birthday. I can't breathe. I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know the people around me. EVERYTHING is different. After 37 years all of a sudden my Father wants to get to know me because he's lonely. He was never interested before. I want to run. I have so many friends around me yet I have never felt so alone and scared in my life. The only thing that keeps me going is how brave she was and how I want to be brave for her.
Paula
Sydney
Australia

Nov 24, 2008
Your Mom
by: Beth

I just lost my Momma too. Your description of your Mom sounds just like my Mom. I lost my Mom 1 month ago. How have you made it through since March? I love my Mom so much.

Jun 29, 2008
Thank you
by: Juanita (your sistew)

Hey Sylver,
I was checking out this site (you had mentioned it) and I came across your beautiful entry about Mom. What a wonderful surprise!! I miss Mom terribly as well.

I am so lucky to have you and the rest of the family in my life.

I love you,
Juanita

Jun 26, 2008
What a lovely tribute
by: Anonymous

That was beautiful.

Your Mom must have been a very special lady. You were lucky to have her in your life.

May God comfort you in this time of sadness!

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