Mother dear love of mine
My name is Marina. My mother passed away October 12, 2012. My father passed away the previous year on Fathers Day , June 2012.
Mom had declining health with her heart, lungs and kidneys. My sister took her to the doctor on a regular basis , and Mom was always taking her meds. Early October amon caught a cold which turned into pneumonia. Although she was taking anti- biotics, it wasn't enough. My sister took her to the emergency room and she was admitted with pneumonia on a Thursday. Although her health just got worse in the hospital , we continued to hope she would get better. We watched her die, totally helpless, with no options left or any possibility of medical treatments. One week prior, my sister and I took her to lunch and the following Thursday she was in the hospital, nearing her death. One month before, she was a beautiful women , dressed up holding her dog posing for my daughters camera. Unbelievable .
The shock, horror of her in the hospital dying, gasping for air, and lying there dead is a moment in our lives that no words can explain. We cannot even remotely accept her passing. Our only peace is our Faith in God and that it was her time to go.
At her funeral, that my sister and I planned, I remember not being able to really believe that it was mom in that coffin.
The enormous guilt I feel. Was I so stupid and selfish to let her get a cold? Maybe a better medicine would have stopped her from getting so sick? Did the doctors and hospital staff do the right procedures? Although we knew everything that was being done to her, was it right? We had little choices. People around her, like my sister , had colds, should we have isolated her ?
So many questions with limited answers none which helped mom and she is gone.
I don't care about myself. It is about her life that came to an end.yes she would like to see me and my sis happy but to still be with us.
I have failed . Loss at the highest level.
From a daughter who feels she should never deserve the love, life , everything she did for me.