Motherless Daughter

I don't like to say I am motherless because my mother was a loyal devoted caring mother for the entire 33 years of my existence. I am a mother now and am only getting on because I have no choice. My babies need me; I have a job to do.

I feel like I can't relate to regular people anymore. They have their moms. My mom was too young to go by my standards.

I just can't believe this is my story and my children will not remember her. Are there any people out there who lost their moms around my age, who are moms as well? Any advice/words of wisdom?

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Sep 06, 2016
Me too
by: Anonymous

Hi, I am 31 and just lost my mom a few weeks ago, she passed two days after my birthday after a long grueling battle with cancer. I also have a two year old and one of the sadder things is that he won't have her around. I don't think there is an end to missing your mom. Especially when she adds so much to your life. My mom wasn't the most "together" but I am still beside myself. What gives me some peace is that I know I was and still am loved by her a lot. And that all the beauty and strength she gave to me while alive still lives in me and will be given to my son. Sending you love and prayers.

Sep 05, 2016
Always & forever.
by: Fly Girl turned Grown Woman

Hello. Motherless daughter. I have to say--this is the first time I am making such an open statement like this online, about the loss of all of the women in my family by the time I was 27 years old. Mama, my grandmother, died when I was 12, and, my mother, died when I was 27. She was 49. I will be 52 tomorrow the same age as Mama when she died) and I must say I have missed both of these women in my life so intensely over the past 5 years having to get through a bout with cancer in 2012, and, just two years ago having an open heart surgery to alleviate valve deterioration and congestive heart failure conditions. IN fact it was very difficult for me two years ago, going home after having my surgery and having to spend so many hours home alone while my sons were at work. I had my open heart surgery on New Year's eve that year (2014). The pain and the recovery as well as complications afterward truly made me feel like a motherless child. I was so heartbroken because of the pain. I thought the pain would never stop. And I really dreaded living this way. I longed for comfort. Like a baby wanting to be with Mama. I thought that the pain and deep feelings of sadness and loss were going to be a mainstay in my life. But I fought hard. I fought long. I cried almost all of the time. Until I began to see the light of day earlier this year. And I am a lot better now.

So. Mothers' day, Thanksgiving, Christmas through New year's Day have been the hardest time for me to get through for as long as I can remember. And that is because I had such an awesome childhood. I am grateful for my own two children, who are now grown, because I would have been all alone now for 25 years without my any of my mothers. Mother's day is the hardest for me and my two sons, because they know how much I miss my mother and my grandmother. Seems like all of my life. My grandmother died when I was in the sixth grade just before school was out for the summer when I was 12. And my mother, died just before Christmas after going into the hospital a few days before Thanksgiving in 1992. She never returned home.

So, Although I feel for you and can understand the sadness surrounding your mother passing, I have to say that you and your children have an opportunity to really have a great life together. I hope it is like my relationship I have with my two grown sons, even today. We still live together I am sure, because we have no more family besides us. So I encourage you to give yourself and your children the best life you can, Really enjoy your motherhood, by giving them a great childhood while they are young (because they will bless you when you are old).

For me each decade that has passed solidified conditions of loneliness and sadness, that I could not understand until this year. I honestly think I have been grieving the loss of my grandmother, my mother and my two aunts who were part of my immediate family, for most of my adult life. However, I remember what made these women in my family so special. I remembered our family values, particularly a true deep love of being a woman, because I was surrounded by them. It seemed as a young child I was always nurtured, groomed and praised every day for being a girl. For being myself and having an aesthetic and love of my own culture, my own gender and my own ethnicity.

Over the years I needed this pride of confidence, that has been such an important dimension of my human development, that I have never forgotten. And I am so grateful that I never abandoned the values and spirituality of my foremothers. I am certain that had I never reflected on many of the memories I had I would have been killed (by abusers and abusive situations), or dead from overdose a long time ago. All of the women in my family were mothers of the church. And although I am a Buddhist today, I learned so much about womanhood, virtue and inherited a solid form of discipline, confidence, patience and endless hope despite facing and overcoming many struggles by myself, because of my praying family of women. If not for the women in my family I never would have survived to this day.

Although I miss them still, the pain is not unbearable anymore. My illnesses made me miss them so much. More than ever. But fighting for my life, I felt I was supported somehow through the veil of death that separated me from them. Life has not been fair. But somehow, my mothers have been faithful to me. There have been some unforgettable--fortunate things that have happened and occurred from time to time that reminded me I am still loved by each one of my foremothers, aunts and uncles who have passed away. Little things only I and sometimes my children recognized. And I keep looking for them. Because I know there is more to come. So I have to keep living, and never give up even though my circumstances have been rough.

So Lastly, my dear motherless daughter, I encourage you to look for those little things, too. I hope these special nuances of hope appear when you are in need, days when you are terribly lonely or sad and often in the smiles of your children as they grow up. I hope these strokes of fortune come on quiet days to help you get through the noises and silences in your life, to give you hope. And it may be true that you will never stop grieving. But eventually, take it from me--it does get better. Like I said, I may have experienced intense pain from grief and depression for all of my adult life until this year. But deep down I always hoped the pain would ease. I hoped I could stop myself from crying so much or at least shorten the cycles of pain a few days more, a few weeks more or get through months of the pain I endured from being sad and feeling so hurt because I felt so alone (and nobody cared about my life). And finally the the pain has lessened.

My pain has subsided so much alongside my healing from this last medical crisis. And I am so glad to be here. Living life as my mother's daughter should and becoming even more the apple of grandmother's eye because I have taken care of their little girl, and raising my own boys to men. And I have worked hard to better myself for nearly a decade, to soon become the first woman earning a Ph.D among women in my family. They would be so proud of me. I grew up to be a grown woman who still is able to look forward to a bright future despite so many setbacks. I no longer feel slighted for losing those I loved so long ago during the days of my youth, because I still feel loved by them right now. These days, after all I have been through...even the memory of their love is all I need.

Best of hopes and wishes to you and your children.

Aug 09, 2016
Motherless Daughter
by: Doreen UK

Motherless Daughter I am so sorry for your loss. You are in the raw stage of grief and are feeling the very depth of the pain of loss and bereavement. None of us knows how to act or what to expect from grief and we can only learn it from those who have faced this loss before us. We will never outgrow our need for our mother's to be with us in our day to day life. You will feel a great loss of security and will flounder for a while and then you will find your feet again and be able to go on in life. Healing from grief is a slow process but you will recover and start to feel alive. When you lose your Mom your world turns upside down and you face an emptiness and loneliness that is often hard to cope with. Being a mother will also feel a bit scary as your life rushes so fast past you and you feel a sense of instability for a while. But it won't last.
God gave you your mother and He will hold you in his arms and ease the pain of your loss, till you can cope as healing takes place.
I am of an age when I have to face my own mortality and my Adult Children will have to face the loss of me. I think of this a lot now since I lost my husband to cancer 4 yrs. ago and just getting past my own pain and loss.
Nurture yourself with good things each day to help you heal. I lost my mother, father, husband and a nephew to suicide and know that time is all we have to heal and carry on with life despite our trials. It is painful never seeing our loved one's again and having to carry on with life with the memories and silence. I believe in God and an afterlife and this is what I am looking forward to. I will with HOPE see my loved one's again and live with Jesus in Heaven forever. Now this is the Hope that is left for each of us in our loss. God will take your scar and give you a star. Be comforted. God knows what you are going through and is carrying you through. May God comfort you and give you His Peace.

Jul 14, 2016
Motherless Daughter
by: Anonymous

Hi, my name is Katrina. I lost my mom 3 years ago and I to feel my mom was too young to die. My mom was only 59 and died very suddenly with no warnings from cardiac arrest. Although I was 43 when my mom died it was still very devastating to me, I have a sister who's your age and she has kids, and her 4 beautiful children is what keeps her going because she knows that no matter what she has to live and do the best that she can do for her children. I would tell you the same thing, you have to live and be the best mom that you can be for your kids. I know that our moms would want us to be as happy as we can and to make the best out of this life and hand we've been dealt. I pray a whole lot and through my prayers, God has strengthened me and given me so much hope. It will get better for you but the pain will always be there, just not so intense as time goes by. I'll say a prayer for you.

Jul 14, 2016
One step at a time.
by: Anonymous

Hello. When I was 28 my mother passed away from cancer. At the time I had an 18 month old. I moved away with my husband from Miami to Ga. Thinking that I could out run the pain. Like you I had a family and was responsible for them. But yet the lingering of missing my mother was still there. Time went on and although other things will take your time just like in my case you will still think about her. Today is her birthday and on the 27th her anniversary. We all will pass this road and somewhere are prepaired for this thought that our parents will pass. Then three years ago on the 17 of this month the unthinkable happened. My 2nd child, had just turned 22 decided to commit suicide. I though I knew death, the depth of pain far exceeds anything you know. Time does not heal as many like to say. It gets different. All though my days are not filled with tears many of them are. I miss him so deeply , no different then you miss her. Pain is Pain. I have learned through this that there are many needs in the world and the one's who have gone on to be with the lord are in a much better place then we are. Learn today that each day is a celebration and live your life and celebrate your children's lives. Begin a journal and express your feeling there, you will be amazed that with in a short time you will be able to see progress in your journey. And if you experience dreams this is a great place to keep them as the tidal wave of emotions will over take you. Although you many feel you will remember things you won't. By your words it is clear that your mother was very important to you and has left a lasting impression, what an honor to your mother. You now have a job and that is to take care of your family. Just like your mother took care of you. People don't no what to say when death is the subject especially suicide. And they say dumb things as well, don't fault them they just don't no what to say. Even more say nothing. Remember there is someone just like us experiencing our grief just around the corner that needs encouragement. You will also be amazed at how people with similar story's will just pop into your path. Looking back now I believe that is God's way of helping us by helping others. Love your children and your husband and live for today in today. Good luck and I am sorry for your loss. You will get through this I promise. My the sprit of the lord shine upon you and your family. Peace be with you.

Jul 13, 2016
Motherless Daughter
by: Vickie

Hello. I used to visit this Site nearly daily after I discovered it. My youngest daughter lost her Life over Six years
ago and left behind a Five Year Old Daughter. I am Sorry for your Loss. Losing your Mom at a Younger age can be very difficult. This Site was the first place I felt I could talk about my Overwhelming Grief and be understood. Your Mom may not be here but You can keep her Memory Alive. I talk to my granddaughter about her Mom often and always have since she passed. I have pictures of Her Up as well. I know you probably are feeling very Alone but there are others who understand the grief and the pain. I Never imagined I could function and laugh again but I have. There will be days that existing is All you can do. Don't give up. Keep talking here and perhaps see if there is a Local Support Group in your Area. I was Blessed to meet a couple very dear friends through this Site. They were my Lifelines on the darkest of days and still are.

My Thoughts and Prayers are With You. God bless you.

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