Mother's day of sorrow

Today is my first mother's day without my oldest son who suddenly passed away over 4 months ago at 20 yr old. I have 3 children living whom I love and yet I am unhappy. I cried through the mass in church. It rained heavily and steadily most of the day. I went to see a dance show and several pieces were death-themed (Am I only noticing it now because I'm sensitized?). Just 30 more minutes left in this day and I just want them pass. I don't want to be me.

Comments for Mother's day of sorrow

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Jun 05, 2012
Thank you,
by: Anonymous

To all who replied to my post. I was looking forward to someone relating to what I cannot say out loud but am able to type and post on this forum. I am thinking of you and your sons and daughter. One of you have lost her son exactly one year before my son's death (January 1, 2012). One of you have lost her daughter through murder - I feel humbled by the emotional load you bear knowing that your child suffered violence just before she took her last breath. Another one of US has been around through many of the empty holidays and anniversaries. I use the word death and I hope this doesn't hurt Your feelings. I use this word consciously as I am trying to get to the bottom of the pain that I feel. I am hoping that I can "establish" what is (or others know) to be a reality. My thoughts are scattered. I know that what we say or write is just scratching the surface of the horror that goes on somewhere in our hearts and in our minds. Thank you for sharing your contact information with me. I want to follow up on it. I just don't know when this will happen. I am still resisting these connections on some level and I long for them on another.

May 31, 2012
i understand
by: adelia

Mothers day was hard. So very hard. My son passed 11/10/11. My only son and first born. He was 23. I tried to put on a happy face for my 3 girls but all i could do was fight back tears. They tried to make it good. Bought me a red velvet cake just like jonathon always did. But it was not the same. Nothing is the same.

May 16, 2012
We Understand
by: rae

Mothers day is one of the very hard days.Birthdays,Heaven days,and all holidays will be almost unbearable.My son died (this word is still hard for me to link to my beloved son)Jan. 1st 2011 he was 26yo. I spent my first mothers day next to his grave (another hard word).I have an older daughter but she understood, it would not have mattered if she did not it was just what I had to do.Please try to understand you must do what you must to endur this even if other people dont understand or approve of it.This year was better.....not good just bearable.This forum helps ,please come back often.It took me 2 years to even begin to seek others that would understand because of my selfimposed isolation I have my mother,daughter,daughter-in-law,husband of 30 years and 3 grandchildren all in walking distance but I am alone in my grief by my own choosing because thay dont know a mothers pain the women on this forum do.I can't offer you anything else except....I KNOW rae

May 15, 2012
I understand
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry about your son. My 29yo daughter was murdered 2yrs in July. She was beautiful, full of life and love. I understand when you say you don't want to be yourself. I don't know who I am without Heather. She was the apple of my eye and my sunshine every day. Somehow we just have to pull through this until God calls us home to be with them.

Hugs and prayers sent your way from one grieving mother to another. My e-mail address is if you would like to get to know me.

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