Mothers grief losing her son apr 21,2012 on motorcycle

by Stonya
(Jax fl)

My son was turning into meet me for ice cream when a elderly lady hit him going into a liquor store--- it was a sunny sat at 430. She said she just didn't see him but shot straight across at him . My family has told me not to talk about it and I'm do alone . He was my son who wanted to talk about things and just hang out with mom. My husband has cut me off from crying when out in public so I don't embarrass him. Four months now and I'm lost in loneliness but surrounded by people .

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Sep 22, 2013
This Mother's Grief
by: Anonymous

My beautiful 31-year-old son Michael was killed in a motorcycle accident a year ago last May. Brilliant Light of our lives, most awesome son, brother, father to his two little children. Beloved of everyone who knew him.

For over a year now, since he died, I never want to get up in the morning, and at night, I dread going to bed. Every night I take a sleeping pill and say, "Please, God, knock me out."

My mind, all through the day while at work, my way of thinking is utterly changed. I feel as though some supernatural strength is moving me mechanically through the minutes, hours, days, while my thoughts weave and twist around the horror of my/our loss; everything that enters my mind is filtered now through an abiding and intractable grief.

Sep 02, 2013
I am green myself
by: Lynn

I feel like I lost my best friend and no one unrest ands my pain I feel reaching out to some one might help...

Oct 28, 2012
Greifing together
by: brenda

I am so sorry for your loss. I can say i know what you are going through. See i loss my son on 10/28/05 in a motorcycle accident.. I spen week and they turned into months in the house and would never be out on a fridsy at 5:02. My life had stopped, then one day i realized that God had put people in my paths to listen and talk..I would try to go shopping and i'd be looking for chothes for Chris, that was his name.. as tears would flow, someone close by would talk to me and this has been the same for 7yrs today..Those strangers had become friends in the place where they had worked.. and with the Grace of God, but not without alot of anger , why did he take him home where their be no more pain. I wold like to become a friend who could listen and a shoulder to cry on and sometime to be mad together,, My email is if you want to talk

Sep 15, 2012
To everyone here.
by: Jean

My son Robert killed himself in June of 2011. I cry when I need to and tears come many times when I hear his name. A beautiful name for a beautiful man. My son, oh my God!! The pictures of them as little ones can be more difficult to see but how can I not? I cry too for my son dying of cancer and my son who suffers from the choices he made as a teen. We will never stop loving or missing our babies, for that is our pain and it will never go away. Be strong tho the cross we carry is heavy. Jesus is near to us all.

Sep 01, 2012
by: Anonymous

Dear Stonya,
I am so sorry about the loss of your dear son. My heart aches for you. I don't know exactly how you feel. I do understand.
My 20 yr old son was hit by a car and killed suddenly on Dec. 10th 2011. That is the day my insides were ripped completely out. I have replayed the last conversation with him, the last smile, the last meal over and over again. I still wake up at night silently screaming and crying until there are no more tears. I have concluded that my grief is MINE. It is as unique as my son was. And so is YOURS. No one can tell you how to grieve, although they will try. My coping strategies are my own. They can be as creative as you want. I, like many others surfed the web for the "how to grieve" recipe. The most important thing I learned was not HOW to grieve, but that it was very individual to me. Own your grief. It is YOURS. If you need to If you need to cry....cry. When you feel like someone doesn't understand your pain, they probably don't. There are people who do though. Just keep talking and they will listen.

Aug 29, 2012
A Mother's grief losing her son
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Catherine,
I read your reply to Stonya and I was appalled at hearing what your male counsellor said to you. This is disgusting behaviour for a counsellor. I say to everyone. If at first or however many times you find a counsellor who is not working for your best interests and you are not feeling you are moving forward. Change your counsellor. Catherine I am so happy that you have found someone new who will allow you to express yourself and you will recover better. Because Steve died slowly over 3yrs. from cancer and I had to watch this, my sisters who all supported me would not like to talk of their problems because they felt mine was worse and who are they to complain. I told them NO. this is wrong. Everyone has an experience that troubles them and they need support and I validate their feelings and their pain. I never discount this or compare this to what I go through. Everyone has the right to their own pain and sorrow and even if expressed. This should be validated and respected. I am sorry for all your loss in life of your son, daugther Stephanie and also your husband 2 weeks later. It is so painfull not having our husband here to support us and share in the loss of anyone from our family. I have to do this alone now since Steve died of cancer 4 months ago. It so very painfull to keep losing people from our lives and it feels as if we are in pain forever. I find myself saying at times. "OH! I must tell Steve this." Then I realise He is not here. He has gone forever. This is what HURTS SO MUCH. This is our LOSS. May God sustain and carry you through the rest of your life with your daughter and grant you both Peace, from your pain and sorrow. And better days to come.

Aug 28, 2012
Dear Stonya
by: Anonymous

Dear Friend
As many of other mothers wishing to embrace you and allow you to cry on our shoulder, I join that spirit and I am telling you do not be ashamed, grief is not to be ashamed or embarrassed. It is the only way to deal with this terrible pain that no one can understand. unfortunately it is the time when we experience the greatest loneliness. One thing I tell you people react in fear of their own weakness and inability to help and not because they do not love you. It is just to hard and impossible for someone who has not experience this tragedy, to understand and to be ale to reach to the deepest of your heart and soul. Give yourself time and cry, cry all you want, talk, write about your loss. Seek a support group. Now you reach this web page keep reaching out. You are not alone. We who have lost a child know the deep pain felt that no one can heal, all we want is someone to hear us and respect our feelings. We do not want answers, we want an attentive ear even if they do not understand. Here you have friends who share your same pain. As for me I share almost the exact same pain with you. I was waiting for my son for Thanks giving day 11/24/05 and an older woman made a left in front of him and killed him. even though we can't physically embrace and cry, I extend my heart and my prayers and support out to you, and again you have the support of many of us on this web page. Crying and grieving far from being a weakness it is a strength because we can express our pain fearless.

Aug 28, 2012
Mother's grief losing her son.
by: Catherine

Dear Stonya, I feel so sorry for you that your husband will not let you grieve properly. He does not understand the depth of a mother's loss over a child. You need to see a therapist so that you can pour it all out and do all the crying you need to do. If you don't, this is going to come back later and relly hit you.
I lost my daughter Stephanie on Nov.15th 2011 and every morning I wake up and realize she is not coming back. It is terrible. I also lost her Dad my ex-husband only 2 weeks later. I wss close to him too and needed him around to comfort me over Steph's death. But he had cancer so He had no control over that. I also lost my beloved son Stephen in 1997 and that still hurts but at least I can look at his picture and not cry as I do with Stephanie. It has all been so traumatic.
I found a male counsellor at first but he was useless and told me I should go on living amd enjoy life as there are people worse off than me. Then I asked for a woman therapist, preferably a mother and she has been wonderful and tells me I can do all the crying I want with her and bring in pictures.
This is what you need-it is very important to be able to grieve normally and your husband is completely wrong.
I feel your pain so badly and hope that you will get sdme professional help. I still cry all the time and want to be with Stephanie but I go on for my only living daughter. It is just the two of us now and we live miles apart.
I hope things get better for you soon. I will be thinking of you and saying a prayer for you. God bless, Catherine

Aug 28, 2012
I feel for your Tears
by: Rich

Hi Stonya, I am so sorry for the loss you are feeling for your son – My wife and I just lost our 26 year old daughter a month ago from a fall – losing her balance on a cliff wall – I feel your pain and wish I could put my arms around you IN PUBLIC and let you cry. Maybe your husband should go to the Memorial’s IN Washington DC and watch other grown men cry in public over the loss of “friends” – maybe then he will understand that crying in public is so very normal and the people who understand will respect you and your pain and that the people who don’t, are not important! Tears are your path to recovery and he needs to understand that and support you and your needs over those of his own or those of other people that may be around you in public. Ask him this; would he defend you if someone was attacking you? I would think his answer would be yes. Well, you are being abused when you are prevented from grieving and it is not someone else attacking you. He is allowing you to be hurt and that has to be something he would not otherwise permit. I miss my daughter very much and if someone is uncomfortable with that – I recommend they find another place to be because the LOVE I HAVE FOR HER comes before anyone else’s discomfort of my tears. I would remind him he said these words “for better or worse” and it does not get any “worse” than this. Whatever YOU need and when YOU need it should be the ONLY thing on his mind for the rest of his life until you find peace! One day when he understands this concept – he will help you to find a new place where the both of you can smile and enjoy being out in public together with memories of your son. I wish you well and hope you find Peace in your “Journey of Life” until you are reunited with you son, as I will too with my daughter. Hugs from a sympathetic grieving parent!

Aug 26, 2012
I know
by: Phyllis

I lost my son 8 mts ago & it almost seems worse, I cry everyday & my husband like yours, gets upset with me because I hurt so bad, Mothers are special. our love the deepest & truest, when one of our children is taken a piece of our heart goes with them. I feel so lonely too, Chad was always here helping, he loved cooking family dinners, the holidays, watching movies together, our sons are such a huge part of our lives, we will never be the same, just pray sweetie, I pray everyday for each Momma like us, Heaven will be so wonderful, to be with them again! Hugs

Aug 26, 2012
Mother's grief losing her son on motorcycle 21/04/12
by: Doreen U.K.

Stonya, I am sorry for your loss of your son. Your family and husband are being very cruel in stopping you from grieving. You will make yourself ill if you don't express what is a normal emotion. Grief is not something that one can control. It happens automatically as a finger bleeds when it is cut. I hope that you try and consider going to see a grief counsellor. Keep it quiet. You will be able with the help of a trained counsellor to express your grief in a safe environment where you will be RESPECTED. Your husband is embarrased at you crying. Well he is cruel and an embarrassment to you for not showing any emotion over the loss of his Son. As for your family. they probably cannot handle their grief so would rather no one express theirs and remind them of the pain. Otherwise they are not REAL PEOPLE. They have no COMPASSION or feelings. YOU have to do what is right for YOU. If you are out with Husband and family. Go to the Ladies room/bathroom and have a good cry. As often as you need to. Even if you have to lie and say you have a weak bladder. don't bottle up your grief no matter how uncomfortable anyone feels about this. I hope that you won't be offended at my firmness. I wish you peace from your pain and Hope from your sadness.

Aug 26, 2012
I am so sorry
by: Carol,Sean's mom

Stonya, I am so sorry for your incredible loss. I lost my 24 year old November 15,2011. I still cry everyday. Your family needs to grieve the way they must but so don't you. I stay in most of the time since losing Sean. My world has crashed and I do believe it will take forever to pick it up. I find alot of support online and I go to compassionate friends. There is a site on line called Grieving mothers which has helped. I have met so many incredible moms and dads that are feeling our pain. You need to talk about him. He sounded like Sean when you wrote he liked to hang with his mom. Sean and I would hang out on my day off and when friends would call he would tell them "I'm with my mom. We will have to talk later". Since he died my life has been very hard. I can't imagine forever without him. He was my oldest of three and my only son. I called him my sunshine.... I hope for peace for all of us...

Aug 26, 2012
by: rayolife

This is not right!!!! You must be allowed to process your grief. Your other family members are totally wrong.You must find someone to talk to. It will take several years to adjust to life without your son. I know I lost my son the same way! Please seek help somewhere outside of your family, you are going to desperately need it!

Aug 26, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Seun

Dear stonya
I pray that the Lord in his love and mercy would comfort you and that the Lord should keep your son for you in his kingdom, I lost my 17yr old son 6/7/12.......I cry every day in public and every where and am all alone in my grief......but you should just try and keep your son's memory alive within you......keep yourself busy by reading and surffing the internet to see other activities that can help you cope.......the lose of a child is the worst experience a mother can heart goes out to all such mum all over the world......May the Lord comfort us all....Amen

Aug 26, 2012
Still crying
by: Eba

Oh my god,I lost my youngest beloved so on the 21-11-2011 and am still crying ,how dare your husband to ask u not to cry ,well I thought my husband has no emotion but no he never asked not to,,what is helping me is tablets called Cepralex but u must ask ur doctor if it's ok for u,,these tablets help me from stop crying ,and my family r asking me not to take any helping tablet but they don't know how I feel coz if I don't take them I go on remember every details about our lives together ,,and it hurts ,,,Ohhhhhhhh my heart with u ,,I like you have lot of pain in my heart and my whole body,,

Aug 26, 2012
Talk about your son
by: Malgosia

Dear one, I am so sorry for you , your family and your husband, they are wrong, they don't understand our need to talk about our children . I lost my only child, my son on june 30 I keep talking about him to who ever listen. I keep crying whenever and wherever, it is my grief, no one can tell me ho I am suppose be grieving and when. You need to talk about your son. I am glad you are on the grief blog, you can write about your baby as much and as long as you feel like and you can cry. I do that few time a day. People expect us to go on with our lives as nothing happened . Well are life changed, never going to be the same, we lost our children, our heart is broken in little peaces . My preyers are with you.

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