Mourning, severe heartache, trying to adjust....

by Nancy Tannenbaum
(Rio Rancho, New Mexico)

I am 61 years old. I moved here to New Mexico 14 months ago to stay with my daughter and son-in-law while "getting on my feet." I was my mother's caregiver for 15 years. She has dementia. We could not go on as we were. Mother is now in a wonderful care center getting wonderful care. My son, a minister, is her legal guardian. I am suffering from severe homesickness (Mother is in Texas, where I was born and lived for 60 years), heartache because my only sibling, my sister, and I are now estranged as she is convinced I somehow cheated her out of an inheritance when Mother's house was sold, and of course intense guilt over having left Mother. I am trying to find a job. But all I want to do is GO HOME. I don't know what to do.

Comments for Mourning, severe heartache, trying to adjust....

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Dec 13, 2011
So sorry
by: Kim

Hi Nancy, I'm sorry your suffering through all of this. You said yourself that your mother is getting wonderful care where she is and having watched a relative of mine go through dementia it's a hard thing to watch and she is probably getting better care than you could give her. Their is more than one person there to look after her and make sure she us well fed and taking her medication and that job would be soo rough for you to do by yourself. My relative also had to be placed in a treatment center where she got great care until the day she passed. Please don't feel guilty you did the best thing for her. I don't know how long she has had the disease but eventually they forget who you are and what's really going on around them, so if you were there she might not even realize it. Try to think of all the good memories you and your mom have shared. I'm also very sorry to hear about your sisters accusations to you. Money can really change people and it has destroyed so many families. You would think that her main concern would be her mom and not her money but that doesn't always happen. I would hope some day your relationship can be mended because family is so important but you can only do so much to mend it and then she has to meet you half way. If she chooses not to then know you did your best. I will pray for you and hope your sister can find it in her heart to remember family before money. I also think if your not happy where you are and your daughter doesn't need you there then ask her if she minds that you live where you are happier and that it doesn't mean that you don't love her because you want to Go Home. I wish you the best and I hope everything works out for you! God Bless:)

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