by val
(maidstone uk)

on the 10th of july this year my mum fell and hit her head ( there is so much more to this and there is a hospital investigation that is ongoing) she died 2 weeks later on the 24th july from a subdural haematoma. my dad had been suffering fron parkinsons , he was my hero from when i was a little girl and we did as mum asked and I helped him arrange her funeral and deal with her estate. We said goodbye to her on 3rd of august this year. dad and me sorted things together even though he was so debillitated ( but totally in full control of his faculties) but 7 days after we said goodbye to mum as we were still sorting things in town he had a coughing fit and said he had had enough of life ... I couldnt believe he wanted to end things and helped him home . i did as i usually did and settled him and checked in several times over the next few days . he fell ill on the sunday 12th and asked us to call an ambulance .... to cut a long story short he went in with what the hospital said was an excaerbation of his parkinsons but I found a large lump on his neck ( noticable when he was in a hospital gown) it was Hodgkins Lymphoma stage 4... they started chemo ( how I wish they hadn't as it totally exhausyed him) when he knew he was dying he asked me to get people to sort his will... which i did ... that was hard enough but when the end became even closer i had to ask him what he wanted for his funeral... I did what he wanted and more!! I understand that my children have lost their grandparents but what I can't understand is why my children have not asked me if i was ok at the funeral and haven't phoned me to see if I am ok even tho they know I am on my own............ Ihave always been there for them

Comments for mouse

Click here to add your own comments

Oct 23, 2012
by: Doreen U.K.

Val I am sorry for your loss of both your parents. It seems as if you alone have been tying up all the funeral arrangements and all the admin that goes with this. There is so much to sort out over a death it is unbelievable. It is a lot of stress on one person.
You are one of many many people who have children who are in the modern 21st century. So self absorbed they think that parents are strong enough to cope with everything because they are older.
I lost my husband to cancer 5 months ago. After the funeral things were difficult but I did a special WAKE for my husband at a pub with all his workmates there to drink a pint to him. My son of 43yrs. and daughter of 40yrs did not come up once to talk to me. I sat alone. I was shocked and hurt by this. My 3 sisters are disgusted as they know how caring I have been towards them. I brought them up pretty much on my own whilst my husband was working all over the country and the world with this job as an exhibition carpenter. But I have no REGRETS I did the best job I could and just got on with caring for my children as top priority. I put their needs first so didn't go out to work till later when they grew up. Which meant my husband had to work and pay the mortgage and all the bills and food and this was a heavy burden for him.
It was only when my husband was dying of cancer and his two eldest children didn't phone or visit that he felt the pain of having worked away from home and not seen much of his children. It left a wound in him. It leaves a wound in me now when two of my three Adult children don't phone me or visit. I have always been here for my children and they won't forget this, it is reflected in all greeting cards. When I get through my grief I will find some voluntary work to do and will be so busy I won't MISS them.
I hope that one day your children will get past their grief and remember they have a mother and HONOUR YOU as you deserve.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Multiple Losses.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!