WELL I'M A FORMER DRUG USER(an addict),and i'm terminlly ill with every day getting more difficult????...My dad wont forgive me for bein what i was and am,i don get any credi for beating my demons while still living with the guilt of my past..I think its better if i stop fighting it and then do what needs to be done..Five years clean folks,yet the saying goes ''**it happens!!''Every day hat i awake i suffer,thanks for reading his.It means so much to me,ive been the 1 always trying ti win dads approvel yet my other sibblings have had it all,no that i wouldn't for 1 moment begrudge them,yet i do become enveyous to the fact that they're loved..god bless M.D HOLMES

Comments for Mr M.D HOLMES

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Sep 17, 2012
Mr. Holmes
by: malgosia

Dear one, are you OK?

Since your post, you been silent. Please write something, r u ok?

Sep 14, 2012
Mr. Holmes
by: Malgosia

How are you, I hope you read the comments, from the people who care. I hope you read my comment, it is obvious , when you read my post,english is not my first language, but I hope you understand what I said.
Last night, I was talking on the phone with one of my sons friends (addict). We were talking, about the guilt, the need to make parents proud and the need of dads approval. And about how nothing can be done without God. No human can help you, noone has the power to change how you feel, only you can do that with help of God.
You need to be with people who are on the same journey like you are, go to meetings, find one where you can relate to people there, I donut know if you are hard core addict or not, but you need to surround yourself with strong support group, and go through the Big book, if you did , do it again, till you connect with Higher spirit on the level . connect with people not your age but with your life experience.

Sep 13, 2012
Your struggle
by: Janie

I am saddened by your story - I heard this many times for the students I work with in an outreach program. You need to be proud of your accomplishment of staying clean, and know that you are a good person. It seems a losing battle with your father, but it may be his demons that will not allow him to show forgiveness toward you. How sad for him to lose this precious time with you - hopefully you will reach some reconciliation that will allow both of you to express your love for each other. There will be a good life for you somewhere - either here or beyond and you know you deserve it. Bless you.

Sep 13, 2012
Hang in there!
by: Anonymous

I don't know you, but am VERY proud of you. You have had and do have a tough journey. Know that I am holding you in my heart and hoping for the best for you.

Sep 13, 2012
MD Holmes
by: Judith in California

Congratulations on your five year s of being clean. It's hard to understand your Dad right now but he probably deep down is proud . He is just remembering the past and needs to let go of it and take you as you are now. You just have to ask for his forgiveness ONCE and tell him you're terribly sorry for all you did in the past. That way you know in your heart you did all you could. The past is just that. BIf he chooses to hang on to the past then that's on him, not you. Tell him you love him anyway. You've done the hard work to get where you are and I'm proud of you. Please don't let your father's refusal to let go of the past interfere with what you are accomplishing. It's not about him. Parents tend to hang on to all the all wrongs that a child did to them and bottling it up and fail to recognize the change. Parents also tend to take it as a personal failure when their children do things that make them look bad.
As time passes he will have to see you are not the person you used to be. Just keep showing yourself you are storng and go on to a ten year clean celebration. I pray you will beat the illness. GOd bless you.

Sep 13, 2012

Dear M.D Holmes, I don't know where to start. We are all little kids inside who seeking love and approval of our parents. I don't know if that will mean anything for you, but I am proud of you for staying clean so long, the only thing is, you have to be proud of yourself for being sober,walk with your head up, and get rid of the guilt. You did not do anything wrong - the drink you did it, let the other you go and forgive him because he did know what was he doing.
I am not addict, so you can say I don't understand, well, maybe I do. 2 months and 5 days ago I lost my son to alcohol and drugs. he died after relapsing. the only thing he wont's to do is to make me proud, and I always said I was, no matter what, I don't think he ever hear me, he didn't have nothing to feel guilty I said to him- but he did, he just had to forgive himself- but I don't think he ever did. My son at young age 30 is dead. And now he does not have second chance to do things right, but You do, God give you another chance on life, do not wast it. If you live with your parents, move out, live for yourself. read the BIG BOOK, again and again, you can't fix the past, fix the future. You have control on the decision what road you will take it now. The most important is-do not blame yourself for the past and never be ashamed of it. You is now. Do not seek approval of your family and friends , they all have they sins, but only addicts are gilt about theirs- thats what at first place they become addicts,because they have big harts-easy to break and. Did you ever see billie filling guilty? ....and why not, because there is no heart. You ware lost, now you find yourself.

I do talk on daily bases with my sons friends, they are all addicts, wonderful people, kind and intelligent , and they all looking for approval of their fathers, but their fathers should look for their sons forgiveness , because if they will be there how they suppose to on first place- maybe addicts would not become addicts. I am sorry if that sounds harsh...

I would love to keep contact with you if you wish. My E-mail
maybe we can help each other. My son was my only child, I miss him so much, my heart is broken, I feel like someone is punching me in the stomach , and this emptiness inside, which can't be filled with anything, I never knew pain like that existed,I just won't it to stop - sounds familiar?

I am mom of child, who was in pain.

Sep 13, 2012
Mr. M.D. Holmes
by: Doreen U.K.

Mr. Holmes this is my second post. It is hard trying to win a Dad's approval. My son had to do this with his Dad. My husband was working away from home for over 40yrs. of his working life. I had to bring the 3 children up. My husband came home tired after working long hours and didn't spend much time with his children. My son has the scars now of not being valued and being a disappointment to his Dad. My husband was a good man but a sad one feeling undervalued from his upbringing and so passed on his lack of self esteem and his sadness. As I said in my first post. My son was a Rebel. He made life difficult. He fought against everything and everyone. My husband couldn't cope with this. He worked all over the world so did not have time at home to be a better father. My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer from working with asbestos. He slowly deteriorated over 3 years. He sadly died 4 months ago. Our family is more fractured now. My son has gone off and won't return. Mother's who have to take the place of both parents when the father is working away. Pays the price when things go wrong. My husband was dying when he realised the brokeness in his family but there was nothing he could do. He did his best as a father could do. His working life meant he had to do what he had to do to care for his family. I did what I had to do being both parents. The Adult children feel they suffered. But I have to take the heat for how they feel. Because I was acting as BOTH PARENTS. I am sorry that you are terminally ill. I hope you believe in God and make your Peace with him so that you will know that YOU ARE LOVED BY GOD. Get acquainted with God and you won't regret this. You just may be able to be happier than you have ever been. It doesn't matter if you messed up your life with drugs. It matters now. You have turned your life around. Keep it up. There is a better life to come. What is important when we die is WHERE ARE WE GOING TO SPEND ETERNITY? There is a HEAVEN God is preparing for those who Love him. I hope you will be there.!!!!!

Sep 13, 2012
Mr. M.D Holmes
by: Doreen U.K.

Mr. M D Holmes I am sorry for your situation you are in. You must feel all alone as if no one cares. I DO CARE. I know how you feel. I am the middle girl of 5. I was my mum's favourite daughter. I understood my siblings rivalry. I used to take a back seat so that mum could give them some attention. I hated the way things were. My mum was especially harder on my sister a year younger than me. She was my Dad's favourite. When mum and Dad argued. It was us 2 favourite daughters that were used almost like weapons in mum and dad's war. Mum behaved the way she did because her mother treated her the same way. She only passed on what she knew. This is why I believe in counselling. It helps us change the past and stops future generations repeating family patterns that just get more complex down the line. Another reason a child is not loved as much as the others has more to do with the parents and how they were raised. I passed this onto my children by having a favourite daughter. I didn't plan this. My favourite daughter just made life easier for me bringing her up. My son was a REBEL. He made life very difficult. I told him often it wasn't because I didn't love him. He just made it difficult for me to love him because he was so disobedient and fought against everything I was teaching him. My son hated me taking him to Church. I tried to bring him up with strong values but he didn't want to learn these. You sound like an articulate intelligent person. Everyone deserves LOVE. Have you tried speaking to someone about how you feel? It is deeply sad how the dynamics in a family get passed down the line and cause the same problems from generation to generation with wounded and broken hearts within the family. Some things in life we can't change. But in and through counselling things can change for the better. I did this and then made the changes I could despite the ones that had already been set and harder to undo in my children. You can get your life back. It is never too late to do what you can for yourself to CHANGE YOUR FUTURE. I feel your sadness. I know how you feel. If you want to talk more you can email me We only get so much space here to write. Best wishes. Hope what I said helps you.

Sep 12, 2012
Father's Approval
by: Anonymous

You do have your Father's approval. Your Father in Heaven. And, as painful as it may be, that is more important than the approval of anyone here on earth. God Bless!

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