Multiple Personalities

The lost relationship I am about to tell you about was over long before it began, but for the sake of time, it has been officially over for a year and four months. I mourned for a good six to eight months but then believed I was over it, until I moved back to the area I had moved away from to get away from this ex. I have been back three weeks and being here are made me become overwhelmed with grief and sorrow again, and in a lot of ways, it shows me I wasn't as over it as I thought.
I have a tendency to repress things and therefore I believe this is what I did.
I entered a relationship with a female whom I knew was mentally ill, but how ill, I would have never known until I became romantically involved with her. Come to find out, she has borderline multiple personality disorder.
As you can imagine, this created many hurdles to jump over. One day she loved me, the next day one of her other personalities didn't. I began to identify several different personalities and soon came to realize which certain personalities loved me and which hated me. She was also severely depressed which is common in this condition, and this led to alcohol abuse. As you can imagine, she was on heavy and several medications. Little to no alcohol would have been a mixture for destruction, add excessive alcohol intake and it equaled long nights of being up until five, six or seven AM fighting. A twelve hour period could create anywhere from three to six different outbursts; happy, sad, angry...etc. All in one night I would endure this.
Sometimes she would wake in the morning and tell me to leave and the minute I would go to leave she'd beg me to stay.
Sometimes she would punch the mailbox outside, tell me she never loved me and then cry the minute I decided I would have had enough.
Many of my friends can ask how I ever even felt romance for her, how I could feel anything but sympathy and friendship?
Let's put it this way, by the time I realized how severely sick she was, I was already blinded by her looks and the way I felt for her as a person, when she was her full self, when the alcohol wasn't too much, or when she decided to take her medication.
Some nights she'd leave me at parties and walk home, only to call me and tell me to come get her. The minute I would, she'd tell me to go wait at her house. The confusion and uproar was a constant.
At the end of our relationship, I realized she was speaking to another person romantically. This ended everything for me. I cut it off at this point, but this never meant I stopped answering her call.
If anyone here knew me, they would know I have a strong personality which does not tolerate bull**it. But for her, it was, and always has been different.
It was so horrible yet so great and I am not over it for some reason.

Comments for Multiple Personalities

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Jul 06, 2013
by: NIN

Boderline personality disorder is a deadly mental disorder which can easily destroy the toughest partner. I highly advice you to seek counseling. I dated a BDP years ago who was a medical doctor and was self medicating herself. I was blinded by her profession but was eventually figured out that she suffered from a mental disorder. You don't realize it when you are in the relationship but living with people who suffer from mental health is a toxic ordeal which mentally affects the sane person also. That's why it is important to seek professional help especially after dating a BDP for as long as you did. On the other hand, once you learn about BDP and you go through counseling you will notice that your own relationship was a false relationship that never had a any substance. You will become aware of how common BDP is and never again will you be fooled by someone you meet especially out in society. Use it as a learning experience. You are not the first nor the last.

Nov 05, 2012
Multiple Personalities
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your failed relationship and all the pain this has brought you.
There is something special and different about people who suffer with mental illness. But also very difficult to live with.
I had my terrible time of years with depression and I can enter the world of the person who feels like this. There is a desperation that people who suffer with mental Health problems wish they didn't have, and the sadness of them wanting to feel normal and enjoy life like other people do. Yet they can't. They are locked into a world they can't understand, explain, or come out of. They are stigmatized and are locked into their own world of confusion. Their behaviour is bizarre and awkward and very difficult to live with.
I can understand your love for this woman and also your difficulty of living with this problem that makes it so impossible that you have had to make the very difficult decision to walk away, otherwise you yourself would become very ill as a result of staying in a mentally unhealthy environment. You need this space also for your SANITY. No one can judge you for your decision to end a relationship that is not working and will never work due to the immense changes taking place and how this will affect you also had you stayed in this relationship.
I also understand by nature repressing problems is sometimes the only coping mechanism you can use when you can't work out the logistics of your situation. I think this has a lot to do with your anxiety moving back into the area and having these uncomfortable problems resurfacing and causing you to be very uncomfortable being there.
You can either move away again or you could see a counsellor and let the counsellor bring all those trapped feelings, emotions and anger to the surface so you can deal with them and they need never bother you again. They are just unresolved conflicts gone underground. A coping mechanism used to help an individual cope with any trauma in their life. Counselling is a plus. It does work and when you come through this ordeal you will become a new person. WHOLE AGAIN. And you will be able to MOVE FORWARD better with your life and lay to rest this past life that you had to walk away from.

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