Mum died due to cancer, I'm still young

by Anon

My mum was diagnosed about a year ago with brain, lung, back and throat cancer. All at once. She died 8 months ago and my grief hasn't got any easier. I've always had anxiety but it has worsened extremely. I don't like getting out of bed but I force myself to do so. I read people wrongly and assume everyone hates me or thinks I'm weak, so I'm extremely shy around people. I cry almost every time I speak to someone knew. I've just left school(not that I've been much the past year) and started college. I've already quit my college course on the second week as I find it hard to socialise. I start a new college on a trial tomorrow.I've tried coucelling but my counsellor was diagnosed with cancer so no longer works. The only people I ever spoke to is my mum and my counsellor, and now I feel like if I talk to anyone about my problems I'll jinx them and give them cancer. My dads not around so it's me and my twin sister on our own, no other family and we've been separated.I worry about her as she's turned to drugs. I really need help I feel bipolar or crazy. Some weeks I have few hours sleep, then other weeks I'll sleep 20 out of 24 hours every day and still feel exhausted. I'm making it hell for my boyfriend who I now live with and feel like I've put pressure on him too young, we're now both 16. I feel jealous he has a mum and family and I don't. I can't deal with being around his family every hour of every day which I know is selfish. I don't go a day without crying, paranoia and mood swings. I've over dosed numerous times but been hospitalised for just 6, and I cut my wrists . I just need some sort of coping barrier, please help.

Comments for Mum died due to cancer, I'm still young

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Sep 26, 2012
Reply to Doreen
by: Anonymous

Not sure how to log in to reply properly but I just want to say thank you to Doreen who commented below. Your comment gave me strength to see my GP today who has put me on prozep to help with my depression and anxiety, he's also got me help with a bereavement councillor to see on Monday. I also wrote my boyfriends mum(who lives with me and my boyfriend) a letter to explain how I feel, which she obviously had some idea of. So she came with me for support, I can already see things getting a bit better. For the first day in a year I've had no thoughts of hurting my self. Thank you so much. As for my dad, he left us when we were 6, got back in touch when I was 15(when mum died) then changed his number and even address. Your husband was so lucky to have you, you genuinely have guided me through today, maybe even the rest of my life. I'm sorry for your loss x

Sep 24, 2012
Mum died due to cancer, I'm still young.
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your mum to cancer. My husband died 5 months ago from lung cancer. You are so very young to have incurred such a loss in your life. You are still not mature at 16yrs. to make lots of the decisions you have to make in life that your mum made. What supportive relatives or friends do you have? You should not be left on your own to cope with your loss. It would be a good idea for you to see your G.P. and let him know what is going on in your life and how you feel. Do not settle for just taking tranquilizers to help you cope with grief. You need more supportive measures like counselling, or therapy, especially if you are self harming. You won't be able to handle these difficulties all by yourself. It is traumatic at your age to lose a parent. What has become of your father? You need Love and guidance from an Adult. Do you have an aunt, uncle, or cousins you can talk to, or even grandparents? You are vulnerable to cancer and so it is natural you would worry about anyone you are in contact with would get cancer. It is unlikely this will happen. If it ever happens again it will be a coincidence. Not your fault. I had counselling years ago. It worked well for me because I got the right counsellor. I was able to move forward with my life and I got my life back. You will too. You must take care of yourself, this is important. You are grieving so will be jealous of anyone having a mum or a dad when you don't. If you marry you will inherit a mother-in-law. It will be up to you to forge out a good relationship with her and become like a daughter to her. No one could ever take the place of your mum, but with the right attitude you could find love again in someone else. It is a very lonely place if we don't try to get on with people. Someone can enhance your life and make it more meaningfull. Don't isolate yourself from other people or shut yourself away. Keep fighting your depression and don't give up. You don't have to live in the shadows. Life will get better for you again. Best wishes.

Sep 23, 2012
Try reaching out to God
by: Patricia

I know exactly how you are feeling because I lost my Mum to cancer. I found comfort and suport by going to church where I find I can always find someone to talk to when I am feeling down. It does not get better but you learn to to live with it. Think of the good times you had with your mum. Get together with your sister and remember the good times you both had with her talk of happy memories laugh at her jokes, the gief will become bearable. Remember she would not want you to spend your life being miserable and unhappy. This year we are planning a memorial service for Mum and it will be a joyful occasion because that is how she would want us to remember her, the happy times we had with her. Talk to you local priest, believe me you will get support from your local church. I wish you all the best. you are so young you have a whole life ahead of you. God bless you and your sister.



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