Mum died due to cancer, I'm still young
My mum was diagnosed about a year ago with brain, lung, back and throat cancer. All at once. She died 8 months ago and my grief hasn't got any easier. I've always had anxiety but it has worsened extremely. I don't like getting out of bed but I force myself to do so. I read people wrongly and assume everyone hates me or thinks I'm weak, so I'm extremely shy around people. I cry almost every time I speak to someone knew. I've just left school(not that I've been much the past year) and started college. I've already quit my college course on the second week as I find it hard to socialise. I start a new college on a trial tomorrow.I've tried coucelling but my counsellor was diagnosed with cancer so no longer works. The only people I ever spoke to is my mum and my counsellor, and now I feel like if I talk to anyone about my problems I'll jinx them and give them cancer. My dads not around so it's me and my twin sister on our own, no other family and we've been separated.I worry about her as she's turned to drugs. I really need help I feel bipolar or crazy. Some weeks I have few hours sleep, then other weeks I'll sleep 20 out of 24 hours every day and still feel exhausted. I'm making it hell for my boyfriend who I now live with and feel like I've put pressure on him too young, we're now both 16. I feel jealous he has a mum and family and I don't. I can't deal with being around his family every hour of every day which I know is selfish. I don't go a day without crying, paranoia and mood swings. I've over dosed numerous times but been hospitalised for just 6, and I cut my wrists . I just need some sort of coping barrier, please help.